Disagreement with DH Concerning Vaccinations

[rmmartin]

My husband and I have heatedly disagreed how to proceed with vaccinating or not vaccinating our 4 mo. old dd.  I do not feel comfortable having her vaccinated given the risk of side effects.  What concerns me the most is that I have many allergies and I worry that this may increase the likelihood of her reacting poorly to one of the vaccinations.  Everytime I think of her getting vaccinated I feel sick to my stomach but my husband firmly disagrees with my decision.  Any suggestions or resources to convince him otherwise? 

[ema-adama]

I am sure others will chime in.

Having been there, done that, my advice is to when possible talk out the issues with your husband. Does he want to follow the CDC schedule, or are there vaccines that he feels are more important -- others that can wait?

Which diseases specifically concern him? What does he think will happen is you delay vaccines?

It is now over 3 years ago that I was in tears and fighting horribly with my husband and his family on this issue.

Try and focus the conversation on risks and benefits for each vaccine/disease for YOUR child. No vaccine is 100% effective. And there is no guarantee that your child will be super healthy without vaccines.

[Marnica]

Im assuming you have done your research, correct me if I'm wrong. Has your husband?

What is he basing his desire to vaccinate your DD on? Preconceived notions? Because it is what you are expected to do? Because your pediatrician tells you to? Im just curious. If your husband has done no research into the "other side" of this debate but you have - than I would tell him until he does his due diligence and you two have sat down and examined the evidence together, than there will be no vaccinations. Period. 

As for resources I would have him start with this: Help him clarify if there are certain diseases that is is more concerned about and why.

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/pink-chapters.htm (have him read about the actual risks of the diseases - not the bs they print on the handouts they give to parents at the docs office)

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/b/excipient-table-1.pdf

(this is a list of vaccine ingredients) Make sure when he looks this over he has google handy. He should carefully research each ingredient - especially ones that he is unfamiliar with. There is a suprising lack of safety studies for most of the ingredients. safety for many of them is assumed. Be sure to pull the MSDS on each ingredient and study carefully.

I also have a list of resources Ive gathered over the years which Id be happy to share. PM if you are interested.

[Mittsy]

DH and I have had the same argument many times. We finally agreed to see a holistic family doctor, who does not do any vaccines but does offer vaccine counseling. For the most part DH and I agree the cons outweigh the pros on the vast majority of vaxs, but he is undecided on a few so we figured the vax counseling would help us there.

[rmmartin]

He is concerned with all the vaccinations with the exception of Hep B.  He's a very much "go by the book" type of individual and he pretty much believes whatever the ped or CDC say which makes our arguments so heated.  He is willing to follow an alternative schedule and space them out but that doesn't solve the main issue.  I have shared many books and articles as I find them pertaining to the risks and benefits as well as the ingredients in each one.  I would love to go to vaccine counseling, however, I'm not sure where we would be able to get that kind of service.   

[rmmartin]

Originally Posted by ema-adama 

I am sure others will chime in.

Having been there, done that, my advice is to when possible talk out the issues with your husband. Does he want to follow the CDC schedule, or are there vaccines that he feels are more important -- others that can wait?

Which diseases specifically concern him? What does he think will happen is you delay vaccines?

It is now over 3 years ago that I was in tears and fighting horribly with my husband and his family on this issue.

Try and focus the conversation on risks and benefits for each vaccine/disease for YOUR child. No vaccine is 100% effective. And there is no guarantee that your child will be super healthy without vaccines.

How did you get through all the arguments over vaccinations between you and DH and his family?  It is really causing a rift between us right now.

[ammiga]

Rather than fight about vaccination as a whole topic, it is much more approachable to discuss each disease. Look at your child's risks for each disease and the risks of that vaccine. Take into consideration your child's exposure to each disease, likely side effects, severity, etc. It's a lengthy process, but one that your child deserves.

[kiwiva]

My husband and I were not on the same page originally. He's a rule following first born and figured if that's what was recommended there was a reason for it. It never got heated with us but we don't argue about things that way generally. DH's pro-vax stance was not based on any research at all. He just thought, it's what you do, everyone else does. I broke it down for him. I asked him what in particular he was concerned about. Measles was on the top of his list so we talked about it. In the early days (when DD was your DD's age) he just went with it, we were delaying. And it definitely helped that our doc was cool with delaying, so no pressure from that end. I just kept talking about the issue, and eventually it all sunk into him. I don't know when, but at some point it stopped being an issue.

We absolutely did NOT talk about it with his family or mine for that matter. It was all between us. I don't know if my family (beyond my sister) knows we don't vax, his definitely doesn't. It's not really their business. I didn't discuss any of our other parenting decisions with them either.

I think you have to keep it respectful. It's his kid too and his opinion is valid. But with my husband, I told him IF he had a researched position I would be pleased to listen and discuss it, but until that time "just bc that's what's recommended" and "it's what everyone else does" would NOT cut it as a reasonable position. I was the one who researched, he didn't so he couldn't just do it bc that was what others did. And I continued to keep the discussion going and educated him on my position.

[kathymuggle]

Well, you got him to consider delayed, which is good.

You could also try to get him to research individual diseases - some really are more concerning that others (your chances of getting diptheria, for example, are like 1 in 40 million if memory serves me correctly)

I would also try and get him to think a bit outside the box.  Of course doctors recommend vaxes - they are interested in public health as a whole.  There is more to it than that, of course, but a parents goal is not the same as the medical establishments goal.  Our goal is to preserve health in our individual children - that is not the goal of the medical establishment and mass vaccination.

If he is swayed by numbers have him look at facts:  the likelihood of a child catching a disease and having a serious reaction to it is often lower than the likelihood of a serious reaction to the vax.  

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by kiwiva 

I think you have to keep it respectful. It's his kid too and his opinion is valid. But with my husband, I told him IF he had a researched position I would be pleased to listen and discuss it, but until that time "just bc that's what's recommended" and "it's what everyone else does" would NOT cut it as a reasonable position. I was the one who researched, he didn't so he couldn't just do it bc that was what others did. And I continued to keep the discussion going and educated him on my position.

yup.