I can't get my head in the game

[Jaimee]

Hi ladies,

As some of you may have already read elsewhere, I am really struggling with this pregnancy emotionally.  To recap... this was a huge shock.  We weren't sure we wanted 3 kids, we'd been discussing a vasectomy, I didn't think I was fertile again yet, my youngest is only 15 months (he's nursing, night waking, still in diapers, and co-sleeping), we're moving to a new state in a few months, etc.  Because of all these things, I have yet to be happy about the pregnancy.  My nausea, fatigue, bloating, gas, and extremely painful nipples are compounding my ill feelings about the pregnancy.  Everything is harder to deal with when you're not excited about the reason you're feeling so awful.  And at 7 weeks I've got a loooong way to go.

But the reality is, I am pregnant.  We are going to have another baby.  So it would make my life a lot easier if I could just get happy about it.  But how do I do that?  Has anyone else been through this emotional journey while pregnant?  Is there anything that helps the process move along faster?

I've been talking with my friends who are pregnant with their 3rd babies and my friends that have more than 2 kids to try and feed off their enthusiasm.  I talk with my husband about my feelings and he's great.  He's very calm, supportive, and happy about the whole thing.  But it's not rubbing off on me.  Every time I am woken up at night by ds who wants to nurse or every time I'm panting over the kitchen sink while trying to make my kids lunch, I just want to cry. 

If I read this post from someone else, I would think, talk to your care provider, get an u/s, talk to a therapist.  Well, I don't have a care provider yet b/c we're moving so soon.  It doesn't seem worth the effort to go in for all the measurements, blood tests, etc. when I'm only 7 weeks along and I'll just need to do it all over again when we settle into our new home.  I believe in limiting u/s and was hoping to avoid them all together this pregnancy.  And as for a therapist, well, that doesn't feel right to me. 

The only thing that has been keeping me from dwelling completely has been relaxing on my couch and surfing the internet (hence my myriad posts here on MDC!  LOL!)  So... any other ideas or words of wisdom?

Thanks ladies!

[augustmom]

aww, hugs to you. Your feelings are legit. Remember, all feeling are. It is normal to be apprehensive. I was when I first found out--this baby is a surprise. I was down-right dissapointed about it for almost 2 weeks. I still have my moments of "seriously???" But I think what helps me is seeing my DH's joy, and my parents joy about it. And also, just knowing there is no turning back. I think about my friend who was recently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and another girl I know, who has stage 4 ovarian cancer, both young like me, and put this whole pregnancy into perspective when I think about all the physical challenges they go/are going to go, through.

Hang in there and remember to be good to yourself and realize that many many women feel the same way about "surprises."

[Apmama210]

Totally valid feelings! We were trying for this pregnancy but at night I've cried because I'm totally overwhelmed all the sudden. My husband is in training to leave for Afghanistan soon and I'll be giving birth while he is gone. We have four boys, three that live with us and one that is eleven months old.  I'm still practically exclusively breastfeeding and my nipples are torture at this point.. I think what the heck was I thinking?!? How can I do this?! And recently I feel extreme guilt over having another one so close to our youngest and dividing the attention since I'll be here doing it without John.. I feel like I can't burden John with it and I don't want to say anything to friends or family because we were trying, ya know? I feel guilt for feeling negatively about this pregnancy.. I'm just a ball of emotions and that's all with a planned pregnancy, I'm sure I would feel the same as you if it was a surprise. I'm sure we'll both get to a place of excitement and everything will work out but I'm here if you ever need to vent or talk.. Thinking of you..

[meesh933]

I'm still definitely in shock, too. A friend of mine had a baby a few days ago, and seeing her LO has made it a little more exciting. But still - holy crap. I'm going to have another baby. WOW.

I have an appointment with my MW tomorrow to try to figure out my dates; I'm hoping that will make it more real and ok.

No advice, really, just (((hugs)))

[Jaimee]

I finally decided to make a prenatal appointment.  I specifically requested a sono, hoping that this will not only confirm my dates, but also help me to finally connect positively with this pregnancy in some way.  Today I get my hCG levels tested to confirm the pregnancy (LOL!) and then I'll be able to make the sono appointment.  Crossing my fingers that this helps!

[AprilM]

Hugs mama....we were shocked too. My head is yet to be in the game either. I have a friend who didn't get excited about her pregnancy until she was 7 months! But now she is super excited and can't wait to meet her little boy. It will get better. Hang in there!