My DS is 13. He has SPD. We were managing his SPD (sensory seeking) fairly well, and his OT recommended things for home, and for a while all of that worked.
Fast forward to now. He is getting angry, and in the last 45 days has been in trouble 3 times at school (when before it was always minor things like impulsivity and such, now he is fighting, kids are making fun of him, and he can't stand it, so he hits them.) Not acceptable behavior. And I need to know how I should be reacting to this. I try to be calm, and that makes him mad. I try to joke with him and that makes him mad. I try to firmly explain that this isn't working and we need a dialogue to figure out what will make him feel better together, and that makes him mad. I work hard to not yell and work on a positive solution that works for both of us.
Keep in mind he is bigger than me. And his father is not in our home and is a UAV, and has spent his whole life emotionally abusing my son (and physically abusing him on occasion.) The courts refuse to let me remove my son from this situation FTR. I have tried.
He hates counseling, we did it for 6 years and I am still in contact with that counselor several times a year. I have an appointment for tomorrow for him at an alternative sports intervention place, with intervention counselors and pastors to mentor to him (he is one big sportsaholic, lol.) I can’t get him to self direct himself into his ‘controllers.’ Meaning, when he first starts to get mad just say I am going to go jump on the trampoline, which is our signal to leave him alone and let him calm down and we’ll discuss it later. And even when he comes back after, after I finally get him to do whatever physical activity I can get him to do, he still won’t talk about it. He is remorseful and apologizes for shoving me or punching a hole in the wall, but I need to stop those behaviors before the destructive behaviors.
I need ideas. He doesn’t have an IEP, and we haven’t needed one, as up until this point he has been able to control himself at school. We’ve had issues at home, especially in his dad’s home for quite a while. But they’ve been a couple of times a year, which is manageable. But this last couple of months has me worried.
Any BTDT? Suggestions? Ideas?
No flames or criticisms please. I need helpful support. I am otherwise going through a divorce from another abusive man, and I can’t take more stress heaped on from strangers. TIA.
I know that depression and anxiety can be common for sn kids during adolescance, I wonder if anger can be a manifestation of that. I'm wondering how much his age and development are playing into this, and if may be it will get better with a little more maturity.
