I'm wondering if people who are trans/genderqueer or are partnered to people who are trans/genderqueer are interested in having a discussion thread here to talk about our experiences?
My DD is almost 3, and my DP started physically transitioning about a year ago. We moved to a new city during that time, and it has been a really interesting experience to see us getting read as straight more often. This was something I feared for a long time - loss of queer visibility, etc. - but now that it's happening, I find I don't care nearly as much as I thought I would. In fact, sometimes I'm almost relieved by it, which is really weird in itself. At the same time, it raises a whole new set of issues..
We are currently dealing with my DD's obsession with male genitalia. In her preschool, they all use the potty together, and she's fascinated by penises. She'll frequently come home and say, "Ben has a penis!" I'll say, "yup." Then she'll say, "I don't have a penis." I'll say, "Nope." Sometimes I add to this,"Some people have penises," or "Most boys have penises and most girls have vaginas." Or, "Ben has boy parts. Boy parts usually have a penis." DD occasionally sees me naked and will ask, "Do you have a penis?" I answer no.
My partner is totally freaked out by all the penis talk. What he doesn't want (and I totally get this), is for our daughter to run around the neighborhood screaming "My papa doesn't have a penis!" He also doesn't want to avoid being naked around her (we have a tiny apartment and we're not particularly modest people), nor does he feel comfortable labeling his body parts with female terms (which again, I get). So, rather than talk specifically about penises and vaginas, I've been trying to stick to "girl parts" and "boy parts", which I think can be a little more loosely defined. Of course, it's still creating this huge gender dichotomy, which both of us find problematic in lots of other ways, and it's avoiding using the "proper" names for things, which contradicts everything we learned about sex ed in Ms. Magazine, right?
Anyone else dealt with this yet? I'd really love some ideas here.
And, other thoughts people want to share on trans parenting?