Help!! Demanding 23 month old and dinnertime blues

[csteely]

I need some advice on our dinnertime routine with DD (23 mos), which has been frustrating and stressful for the past couple of months. She still nurses a LOT, and often I nurse her right before and after dinner - she's at daycare 5 days/week and DH cooks, so we just hang out. My problem is that she is often done with dinner before we are, and usually she'll start asking to nurse. My response is to say "Yes, after dinner... I'm eating" but she goes into full on wails, sometimes even with tears. Usually I end up holding her (she asks for "hugs" instead) but then she just wails in my ear for the rest of the meal. Sometimes DH can distract her, but usually only if he's done eating too.

Is it wrong to try and set limits at this age? I don't want to nurse during dinner b/c I'm down to nursing only on the right side, and if I nurse her, it means I can't eat (too uncoordinated with the left hand!).

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

[D_McG]

not wrong! Unless mine are sick they have to sit in their chair/highchair until we are all done eating. I hate eating with someone on my lap. I just need maybe 10 minutes to eat dinner and then I'm all theirs.

[csteely]

Ah... I wish I could be that firm, or that fast an eater! I'm slow... it's hard to imagine P sitting still until I'm done. ;)

Thanks for the input!

[Parker'smommy]

YES! You deserve to eat without nursing at this age, especially since you JUST nursed her minutes before. She is testing you and your limits. I believe that she is old enough to understand that you do not want to nurse her while you eat and that she needs to wait until you have finished eating. The nursing relationship is just that....a relationship. It doesn't have to be her way and no other way for it to be loving. Set some limits and stick to them. Being consistent is key. You KNOW she isn't starving because she JUST nursed AND ate some dinner. She can wait. 

Hugs!! It will be tough the first few times, but she understands. 

Good luck!

[D_McG]

The problem is that some of these behaviors can be routed in anxiety. By being firm and insisting that you get your time to eat, she'll learn that it's not a big deal to be away from your boobs for half an hour And then she'll relax about it and everyone can move in. That has been my experience with my kids, at least. When I let them take the lead with these kinds of things it was really a disastrous experiment.

[csteely]

Thanks to both of you for the encouragement! Anxiety does fit her reaction - she almost acts like a junkie needing the next hit! When I don't let her nurse, she asks desperately for a hug, or to "hold you". It's hard to turn away from that, which is why I usually end up holding her. Not sure if that's just making it harder than it needs to be?

She seems to be needing nursing more intensely lately - is this a typical phase of the almost 2 yo?

Thanks!