My 4 year old is acting like a baby

[sunnygir1]

My 4 year old has always been pretty independent and capable -- and she still is, but she is really in to acting like a baby the last few months.  She has a 19 month old brother, so I'm sure that's a factor.  Dd has started wanting me to do things for her a lot, and whining at me to do them.  First it was, "I can't get up!" thank goodness she stopped doing that for the most part.  Then it became things like, "I can't get my ___ on! or this morning it was that the blanket was stuck on her foot.    She is totally in to the baby talk.  I try to ignore it, but it's been going on for months and it drives me nuts, so sometimes I tell her to stop or do it somewhere else, or sometimes I lose my cool and yell at her.   

I do in home daycare part time and we got our first baby this week, 7 months old.  Now dd wants a pacifier.  She never really took one, although we had a couple short stints with colic and night weaning when she took one a little.  We weaned at 27 months.  She has been expressing some interest in nursing, but when I tell her she can she doesn't want to.

I don't want her running around with a paci in her mouth, or especially chewing on one, but I want to indulge her need to be babied, which I have been trying to do by snuggling her and reading her stories when her brother is sleeping and doing things for her when I can.  I'm hoping if I ignore the pacifier thing she'll get over it, but I'm also considering throwing them away since ds doesn't use them either.  Then the only pacifiers around would belong to the daycare baby.

Thoughts?  I guess I just need a little support and would love to hear your experiences and insights.

TIA

[meemee]

so depends on your child's personality.

and also what your own philosophy is.

my dd is a stubborn one so it worked out for us that i felt she needed to learn through trying it out - whenever it was feasible.

so in your own case since a paci is so simple, i would get her the paci. i did that with my dd too who suddenly wanted one coz her friend was still using it during the day. and guess what. she tried it a couple of times and didnt like it 

and we both learnt a great lesson. she learnt that maybe she can trust mom more and not have to experience it herself (this is true now at 8 and really important) and i learnt how to keep the whining at bay. plus i felt i was honoring her need because she just didnt casually want to try it - she REALLY wanted a paci. sometimes i feel they have to go thru something (dont we all) to realise how much they dislike it and how different it is than they thought it was.

so in a sense since she is REALLY asking for it, giving her a paci will be a life lesson. 

and oh yeah. dd also never, ever took a paci. and she was still nursing when she asked for a paci. she really tried to like it - i will give it to her. but it just did not work. 

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by meemee 

so depends on your child's personality.

and also what your own philosophy is.

my dd is a stubborn one so it worked out for us that i felt she needed to learn through trying it out - whenever it was feasible.

so in your own case since a paci is so simple, i would get her the paci. i did that with my dd too who suddenly wanted one coz her friend was still using it during the day. and guess what. she tried it a couple of times and didnt like it 

and we both learnt a great lesson. she learnt that maybe she can trust mom more and not have to experience it herself (this is true now at 8 and really important) and i learnt how to keep the whining at bay. plus i felt i was honoring her need because she just didnt casually want to try it - she REALLY wanted a paci. sometimes i feel they have to go thru something (dont we all) to realise how much they dislike it and how different it is than they thought it was.

so in a sense since she is REALLY asking for it, giving her a paci will be a life lesson. 

and oh yeah. dd also never, ever took a paci. and she was still nursing when she asked for a paci. she really tried to like it - i will give it to her. but it just did not work. 

Thank you for your response.  That is my instinct, to just let her do it.  I will have to have some boundaries about it, though, like she can't have it at meals, and she has to take it out of her mouth to talk to me.  I am also concerned about her chewing on it.  She is totally into chewing on it -- maybe she needs to chew?  I wonder if I should give her something else to chew on (I don't know what that might be)?

I guess I should start with taking a deep breath and being grateful that this is the kind of thing I'm worrying about, instead of something serious ; )

[meemee]

aaaaah  your dd is oral. same like my child. i havent figured out something to give my child. 

however even at 8 she loves kinda chewing, sucking on freshly washed but not dried clothes. so i have a special wash cloth in the washing machine for her for this reason.

since your bigger picture is chewing instead of restricting when she can have it - make the where she can have it a general restriction. dont get specific. but be really specific about chewing. and explain to her why. if she is anything like my dd then i have to give her a couple of days to do it ALL the time to get it out of her system. and then regulate it. i find if i take that approach it helps dd to regulate later. actually most of the time she naturally regulates. can you believe even with video games (that was a very pleasant surprise. she is not glued to it as i feared she would be. however she WAS glued to it maybe the first few days spending HOURS on it). that is why i say personality matters. 

you know i sometimes wonder if that is why dd always wants to eat something - either food or candy. just to have something in her mouth that is not a liquid. i am not big on gum. and i havent found a good option either. maybe i'll post this question on the parenting forum.