"Pretty in Pink" -- THANK YOU, Today Show!

[SeekingSerenity]

I just saw a piece on the Today Show (which is usually playing in the background, but I rarely actively watch it) where they were discussing a recent J. Crew ad in which the mother is painting a little boy's toenails with a bright pink nail polish. Apparently this has caused quite a stir. That, in itself, is ridiculous, but the outcry itself borders on nutty. People think this child is going to be scarred for life - because he's a boy and his mom is letting him wear pink.

A guest on the show has published a book called "My Princess Boy" (I am going to have to get that somehow) because she has a little boy who loves to wear dresses and play that in a female role.

My son has been that way for years now. When he was five, (the age of these boys) I ended up nearly losing a friendship because I was staying with someone and when my boy dressed in dresses, the husband had a SERIOUS problem with it. Now my son is 8, and he feels like he has to keep his "inside girl" a secret. I feel so bad for him, but this thing on Today made me feel a little better - there are moms out there who are OKAY with their son being this way! There are even DADS who are okay with it! Child psychologists are saying (some of them, anyway) that it doesn't represent any gender predisposition (gay or TG or anything else) at this age. And even if it does, how do we teach acceptance to our children when we send the message that it's okay for a girl to dress as a boy, but totally wrong for a boy to dress as a girl???

Wow, this made me feel so much more hopeful. I just wish I could find a boy playmate my son's age who was just like him and wanted to express his "girl on the inside" so my son and him could play princess and dolls together. I know they're out there, and now I know I am not crazy for wanting to allow my son to express who he really is, even if a lot of society doesn't agree.

[Snowflake777]

Awww...your post made me teary-eyed! I'm glad your son has you as his mother.

As for the ad, I haven't seen it, but it sounds cute. I'm glad that attitudes are changing, albeit slowly.

[SeekingSerenity]

Originally Posted by Snowflake777 

Awww...your post made me teary-eyed! I'm glad your son has you as his mother.

As for the ad, I haven't seen it, but it sounds cute. I'm glad that attitudes are changing, albeit slowly.

Thank you!!!! That is so sweet!

I didn't see the ad personally, either, but they showed it on the show. They apparently put a poll up on their site (I didn't go see) where they asked people what they thought, and as of this morning it was split about 50/50, with half the respondents saying they thought it was just fine, and half saying it was wrong. This is MUCH better than I would have expected. When I took my boy to Walmart wearing a dress when he was 5, most shoppers didn't give me a second glance but I thought my mom was going to die of shock right there in the store. He hasn't worn girl-clothes outside in a long time, but he does love him some pink nail polish.

[hakeber]

It is amazing the contempt we as a society show for all things deemed feminine, especially when they show up in the "wrong" places.  Yet we argue with a straight face that women have equal status in society now.  How can we teach boys to respect women if we teach them to hate the parts of themselves that are stereotypically feminine, let alone being accepting and welcoming of all the shades of humanity?

Good for you, and good for the Today Show!  I had no  idea they were so open minded!

[Snowflake777]

Did you see this, SeekingSerenity? http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-april-13-2011/toemageddon-2011---this-little-piggy-went-to-hell

Toemageddon...

[ProtoLawyer]

I have a tomboy stepdaughter and nobody bats an eye.

I put my 9-month-old son in a pink diaper wrap, UNDER his clothing, and people get a glimpse of it peeking out of the top of his pant waist and are aghast.

Good for the Today Show and J. Crew!

[SubliminalDarkness]

We're pretty ok with whatever happens. I used to know someone who wouldn't let his son play with toy kitchens because they were feminine. *sigh* We are not like that AT ALL.

My boys have pink clothing. Granted, it's boy clothing, but it is pink. And my boys have never shown any interest in "girl" things like dressing up in dresses or painting nails, but I really wouldn't care if they did. Why would we? My DH would be fine with it, too. I guess the most gender bending thing that's commonplace is that both boys used to have really long hair and were often mistaken for girls. My mom was convinced this would be traumatizing, but I simply don't understand that and disregarded it entirely. 

DS1 now wants to grow his hair back out, so he's doing that now. 

[SeekingSerenity]

Originally Posted by Snowflake777 

Did you see this, SeekingSerenity? http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-april-13-2011/toemageddon-2011---this-little-piggy-went-to-hell

Toemageddon...

THAT WAS AWESOME!!!! Hahahaha!

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness 

...I guess the most gender bending thing that's commonplace is that both boys used to have really long hair and were often mistaken for girls. My mom was convinced this would be traumatizing, but I simply don't understand that and disregarded it entirely. 

Lil' Man has long hair, and even at age almost-3, he still gets called a girl. He wears his very boyish jacket, jeans, 'Cars' sneakers, and has obviously boy-oriented shirts, but nobody sees that. They only see the long hair, and instantly think he's a girl.

[SeekingSerenity]

....another double post.

[mumm]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness 

 I used to know someone who wouldn't let his son play with toy kitchens because they were feminine. *sigh*

Eating is for females only?  Just another reason to be happy I'm a woman!

[MegEliz]

I had heard about the ad but haven't seen it. I thought " who cares?" yeah to the TODAY show for bringing it to light. I think adults always try to make something out of nothing when it comes to gender roles and kids as far as play and fantasy goes. Hello - PEOPLE THEY ARE KIDS AND IT IS CALLED IMAGINATION! :)

[Rlin]

DS (almost 3y old) woke up this morning and told me he was a ballet girl today. He stayed in this role the whole day :) When I just put him in bed he said with a sleepy voice, the ballet girl is going to sleep now...

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by mumm 

Eating is for females only?  Just another reason to be happy I'm a woman!

I know right?!  And meanwhile male chefs out number female chefs about 3-1 and make approximately 1/4 more for what they do.

[SoulJourney]

SeekingSerenity: I no longer have a relationship with my parents and my youngest brother because I allow my son to be who he wants to be. He was dressed in all pink and fairy wings when I took him to see my grandfather (in a drug induced coma, mind you) the night before he died. My mother tried to PHYSICALLY remove us from the room because of how DS was dressed. That was the last time I saw my grandfather and one of the last times my mother saw her grandson. It's so heartbreaking, too. He really clammed up for about three months after that incident but has since come back out of his shell. His room is bubble gum pink, he wears pink to some capacity nearly every day and he is in ballet class...and wears a pink tutu just like everyone else. He has very delicate facial features, bright blue eyes and shoulder length blonde curls so even if he's in all blue or very "boyish" clothing he's mistaken for a tomboy GIRL! Go figure. He gets told ALL the time how pretty he is, no matter what clothes he's wearing. We have A LOT of support from our community, which made severing the relationship with my family easier. DS definitely identifies as a BOY and all of his My Little Ponies are boys, all of his stuffed animals and dolls are boys, too. He is just a sensitive, non-violent, pink loving boy. Has been for as long as he's been capable of expressing his own opinion. Our society is pathetic and we're here to broaden and expand their minds.

[Fulhouse]

I have a precious rainbow boy too at age 8. I have taken him to Disneyland in his pink fairy wings. He loves pink and lots of girly things, like getting his fingernails painted pink. Before I let him do that, he would color them pink with markers. He also loves boy things too, like computer games of fighting and winning. He doesn't look like a girl and we dress him like a boy. But he loves to play with girls and their stuff.

Some people think I should discourage him but that would make him so unhappy. Instead, I try to prepare him for the reactions of others, telling him what people might say, andnhe says that's ok, or he doesn't care.

I too wish I knew other boys like him nearby. As it is, he only plays with girls, or his brothers.

[SubliminalDarkness]

I just remember that my parents have neighbors whose son was really into pink. He was a pink Power Ranger for Halloween one year. And then when he was 6 or so I guess they just decided they'd had enough. They put him in counseling. I don't know what came of it, I don't see him often anymore. He's probably in middle school now. I wonder....

[SoulJourney]

Put him in COUNSELING????? WTF?

[SubliminalDarkness]

Yea, I got the impression from my parents that it was one of those "re-education" type counseling programs. The parents were concerned the love of pink would "make him gay." He WAS always very feminine.... His mannerisms and his speech and everything, and he was completely uninterested in sports which was a family issue because the dad and older sons were gung-ho into baseball and other sports, and this little boy had no interest in any of it. I do know he was playing baseball a few years ago. I do wonder how it worked out. Next time I visit my parents I'll have to keep an eye out for him. 

[SoulJourney]

That is SO sad, it breaks my heart!!! :O( The fact that they think a COLOR will MAKE him gay...oh goodness. They are going to ruin their relationship with their son before it even has a full potential to blossom if they spend his life trying to change who he is. I wish people could just realize the damage this type of thinking does to a person's self esteem. Our DS looks very delicate and even if he's in all blue/"boyish" attire he is still referred to as a she at least once a day when we're out and about. He wears pink at least half the time, he's in ballet, he plays with "girls" toys, his room is bubble gum pink, he has a lot of feminine attributes and personality traits. We do nothing but honor who he is and who he wants to be. He will grow up knowing that he is loved no matter what his interests are.

 

[GISDiva]

My goodness, what a gorgeous child!

I have a friend whose oldest boy is very into what society considers "feminine" interests.  Our group of friends all say what a lucky boy he is to have her for a mom because her and her husband couldn't be more supportive.  Of course, it helps that she has siblings who are openly gay.  ;)  But it's been so interesting to hear about their journey and already at the ripe old age of 8, he's very cognizant of acting like people think he's supposed to act at school and such and saving his true interests for home.  It's both heartening and heart-breaking, you know?  It's sad that he had to learn that, but I guess if that's how he can cope and make it through the torturous school years...ugh.