Help me get through an OB consult!

[summerblessing]

Hello All!

I've been reading this forum for a while now, but this is my first post. My midwives are sending me for an OB consult in a month. They say it is hospital policy that they have to follow. I am planning a home birth and they have informed the OB of this. He does not support HBACs. Basically the whole point of the appt is for him to give me "the VBAC talk" ie. Try to scare me into ditching the HBAC idea. I am not looking forward to this at all! I don't do well standing up for myself in front of MDs. I do not enjoy confrontation and tend to be very emotional. Any advice or tips for me to get through this? I should mention that I'm in Canada and that I live rurally, but I've found a house to birth in that is within 15 mins of this hospital... Which being a rural hospital does not have the capability to provide an OR team to be onsite at all times. (so if i were to deliver in hospital in the middle of the night with a problem, they'd have to call in a team anyways)

Any advice much appreciated!

[jenniro]

You don't have to stand up for yourself, in fact, you don't have to say anything except, "Ok, doc, thank you."  Listen to what s/he says, nod, smile, say thank you and leave as soon as possible.  You don't have to justify anything.  You've done the research, made a decision that is best for you and your family, so jump through this ridiculous hoop and continue gestating in peace.  Much love to you!

[summerblessing]

Good point! I never considered not arguing about it!

[Ms. B. Sprout]

Hi summerblessing!

I had a similar appointment about a month ago wherein my goal was to just smile and nod at whatever my OB said about VBA2C. I tried, I really tried, but I did gently push back when he lied to me about two easily refutable statistics.

On the one hand, for selfish reasons, I wish I had not engaged him. Now I am on his radar screen and I have to have two more appts with him. Sigh. But on the other hand, it is hard to hear a big pile of BS and not call it out for the sake of your own dignity (I mean, who does this guy think he's talking to, right??!!), as well as for the sake of other women who will come after you.

So mostly I just want to give you a big hug and say good luck!

[CookAMH]

Agree with the first poster...you don't need to agree to anything, defend anything, or be accountable to him for anything.  Just do lip service, and get out of there.

[rareimer]

i have an OB consult in May, about a VBA2C.  i know this OB, she is horrible.  Aside from having no bedside manner, she planned a c-section for her first baby just because it was "easier".  i don't expect this consult to go well.  but i'm not scheduling a c-section, so i don't much care what she has to say, this is my body and my baby, and as long as i don't have a legitimate reason not to try for a vaginal birth, i will carry on as me and my family doctor see fit.  i will probably ask for a second (or third or fourth) OB opinion if I don't like what she has to say.  i am much like you in that i'm not good at standing up to medical professionals, and i get very emotional, but when it comes right down to it, i am not going to be swayed on this issue.  even if i have to smile and nod just to get out of there, that's what i will do. 

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 9:44am

[Jennbee]

I'm in Ontario, Canada too and had to go to a consult with an OB for all 3 pregnancies (first one for low placenta, second because of VBAC, and third because of VBAC from 1st). The OB was an older, near retiring doctor and he was totally OK with me trying for a VBAC. It just seemed to be a routine that they had to go through. Now I wish that he was still in practice, because I'm having a hard time finding a doctor who will be my provider for a VBA2C. The midwifery model in Ontario (not sure about the rest of Canada) won't let midwives have a client who is trying for a VBA2C, saying it's beyond their scope.

Any advice...I would say to do your research and then go to the consult.

Best wishes to you in having your HBAC.

[RubyLu]

I'd interviewed several OBs before I chose a family practitioner to support me during this pregnancy, so I feel like I've been through the consult already (though I will still officially need one in a few months per hospital policy so I "know the risks"). They tried to tell me that few VBACs were successful and that I'd require continual fetal monitoring b/c I was so "high risk" and so they'd know if my uterus was blowing apart. When I told one that I was planning an unmedicated birth and wouldn't I be able to tell if my uterus was coming apart vs. the normal labor pains, he admitted that, yes, I would feel it. And so I asked why I had to have continual fetal monitoring. He didn't have a good answer (in fact, I'm trying to remember if he had ANY response... I should go back and check my journal...). After those jokes of interviews I went to some family practice docs and found one much more to my liking. So I'm not really worried about the consult. I figure it'll be more of the same I had during the interviews, except I y have to worry that the OB will be my doc. I can say hello, nod a lot (or just stare) and then walk out.