What to do....she heard us

[littletree]

eek, 9 yr old DD heard us having sex last night. Our room is right next door. I'd checked on her not long before and she was sound asleep. I heard her sniffling in her room afterward and went to check. She was crying a little but said she was just tired and had been awake for a very, very long time (her way of saying she heard something).

I didn't know what to say and kind of stumbled through "everything's ok, daddy and I were having adult time. It's fine, get some rest, we can talk in the morning if you want" ugh, awful!

Should I bring it up or just let it be and get myself a muzzle? I'm worried because she was crying and most likely scared, crap.

[Rani]

Its okay....You told her you were fine and it was adult time. It was bound to happen. Sounds like you handled it well.  Im sorry she was scared.  I know how you feel. Im always worried about that though the place we live now, she is on the other side of the house, still...

Lots of places, its normal to hear and kids are not weirded out by it, but here in the US, we tend to keep things well hidden so when the "oops" happens its disconcerting to say the least.

[meemee]

i would definitely check in and find out what scared her (without bringing up anything about her hearing you guys). why did she cry?

does she know the facts of life? the whole deal?

because their reaction depends on their knowledge. my dd would say  mom you were too loud last night. she would not be scared or frightened.

i know some mamas writing on this board that their kids thought their dad was beating their mom. the noises scared them.

if that is so in your case then you need to start the knowledge about birds and bees.

[MomtoDandJ]

I agree with what others have said. I think it's fine to call it "adult" time and just explain that you and her daddy we spending some nice time together and that you and he are both fine. If she's only 9, she probably doesn't know what she heard was sex, just that it was strange noises. I do think it's okay to ask her what, in particular, upset her. Crying seems a little unusual -- I've had friends who said their kids just stood in the doorway and watched or peeked in and left and realizing it was nothing interesting to see (tv is more exciting, I guess), but I wonder why she was crying.

[sunnygir1]

I just wanted to add that it might have made me cry as a kid for a couple reasons:  1) if I thought my mom was hurt or crying -- it always really upset me to see her cry, or 2) if I went to her because I was having trouble sleeping, not feeling well, or had a nightmare, I would be upset that she was unavailable.  So, I don't necessarily think the crying is alarming, but I do think you should not be afraid to bring it up to her and give her the opportunity to share her feelings with you.  It could be an important step in continuing to keep the lines of communication open as she grows up.

[elevena true]

i totally agree that you should check in with her and find out what it was that bothered her. likely. it is that she thought you were being hurt. i think this could be the perfect segway into explaining "the next step" whatever that may be for your family.

        i know that when my 5 year old dd overheard my partner and myself making love, she said, "it sounded like you were having a baby."  she has seen me give birth, and i just i love that she had that association..... perhaps because i'm a birth-nerd, but there is more to it then that.

     luck to you in talking to your daughter!

[new2this]

I walked in on my parents when I was 12. They weren't expecting me to be home and left their door open. When I came home from babysitting I always stopped off in their room to let them know I was home and whatnot. There room was right off the kitchen so it was a matter of me looking in their room as I was going upstairs. Anyways I knew parents had sex it was nothing new to me. My initial reaction was eww shut the door next time then instant tears. I don't know why I cried but I did. I didn't want to talk about it because there was nothing they could tell me that i didn't already know. And I remember them asking me why I was so upset and all I could say was I don't know. I truly have no idea why I cried.