night-time chaos after a move - help!

[leurMaman]

I moved to Texas from Seattle this January to begin a job.  I was a SAHM for 6 years, and this meant BIG transitions for my three kids.  I now work 10-4pm and have a nanny for the two girls.  My son is in 1st grade.  We are living in an apartment instead of a house (like we had in the northwest) and their father is still in Seattle (for reasons I won't go into here).  My children are confused and having so many troubles.  I'm lost.

The worst time for us is at night.  It is a 2 bedroom apartment and we are living with two inflatable mattresses (until our stuff gets moved down this summer).  One is a queen sized mattress (in my room), and a have another queen-sized mattress in the kid's room.  I do the same bedtime routine that I've always done (bath, brushing teeth, pjs, three books, daily "stars" for good behavior, and prayers).  However, the kids run amuck.  The two girls want to sleep with me - but they keep each other up and don't sleep.  Since I work, I need to clean and prepare lessons after this, but unless I'm in the bed they go crazy.  My son feels left out and brings a blanket to sleep on the floor.  If I leave a room the little ones follow me about and giggle when I get angry or tell them to get in bed.  I've tried everything to have a routine and get them to sleep.  Even if they skip naps, they stay up until 10 or 11 jumping on the mattresses, throwing things, screaming.  Many nights end with me yelling, them yelling or crying, and guilt-ridden sleep.  It is awful.

They are 6,4, and 2.  Does anyone have any suggestion?  I don't care where they sleep, but I need quiet sleep from 9pm onward.  BTW, having the two girls in my bed means I roll off and don't get enough sleep - so that keeps me frazzled.  Thanks for any encouragement and ideas.

PS - in Seattle we had a 4 bedroom house and each child slept in their own room.  The little one was in a crib.  (We coslept until 8 months and moved them to the rooms).  That took time and work, but it was working for us when we moved and now it doesn't apply:(

[Dandelionkid]

I'm sure you have thought of this but can you keep your son up (grade 1 right?) until 9 and put the girls in the separate bedrooms around 7 or 730 until they are asleep? Then maybe your son could go to sleep with whichever girl would be most compatible for sleep. Sounds like they need to be separated and given stricter boundaries for awhile to help them through all the change. It's probably really tempting to be softer on them right now but I expect that would make things worse.

Sounds like you really need some sleep over there 

[leurMaman]

Wow! I had not thought tokeep him up! What a good idea!

[Dandelionkid]

How are things going?

[leurMaman]

Thanks for asking.  Not perfectly...I tried keeping my son up and putting the girls in each bedroom.  That worked for a little while, and then the youngest caught on that her sister was in mom's room and she wasn't (we only have 2 bedrooms).  So she threw a fit and ended up in my bed going to sleep around 11pm.  My son went to sleep just fine, on the upside:)

Tonight worked out - but only because I wore them all out at a park for 3 hours.  Yep.  3.  I finally finished a week's worth of laundry and a twilight movie, so I'm going to join them.

I did try one other thing.  I downloaded a child hypnosis MP3 from iTunes by Tania Cotterrel, ND (http://www.mindmotivations.com/shop/child-happiness-amp-self-esteem).  I burned a CD and played it on the cd player in one room and on the laptop in another.  My 4 year old went to sleep at the beginning (right after she counts).  I don't know if that means it has some effect or was just soothing.  I trust the ND because I listened to her hypnobirthing CD when I was pregnant with the third and found her voice to be lovely.  I'll let you know if I see any changes after trying this for a few nights.  I'm desperate!  Thanks for the advice!

[mom2grrls]

Regardless of anything else your big move and change in SAHM to working mom is going to affect the kids for awhile so try to be patient.  Are the 4 and 2 y/o napping during the day?  They should be as they may just be overtired by bedtime if they're not and that brings the craziness.  What time do you start the bedtime routine and what time do they actually lay down?

[leurMaman]

I start bedtime around 8, but it usually isn't until 9 that they are in bed with a book read to them.  Then the girls stay up giggling and jumping on the bed, etc. and don't go to sleep until an hour or two later.  Their brother gets up for school at 6:30pm and most nights goes to sleep easily at 9pm.  The girls sleep in until 8am or 8:30am and then don't seem to nap well at noon.  I told our sitter/nanny to put them down for naps around 1pm.  Should I move nap-time or bed-time up?  It is so nice to have someone offering help.  I love MDC.

[Dandelionkid]

The hypnosis is a really cool idea- I hope it keeps helping. Only can say for my own family but my 2 yr old dd needs to be in bed, done her routine by 730 at the latest if she hasn't napped (50/50 these days). If we let it get too late she is pretty crazy and over-excited. 8-830 is fine if she naps. My 4 yr old stays up way to late if he naps so he doesn't most of the time.  

Would it work to try putting your baby to sleep earlier? Without a nap I would start a routine at 630 pm. It must be so hard, though, without their dad to help!

I can't see it working with both girls in the same room falling asleep. Would your 4 yr old be interested in a story on tape or something special to make the other bedroom seem nicer? Or can you try the  2 yr old in the other bedroom and mover her over when you go to sleep?

Hope something works soon. You must be exhausted.

[leurMaman]

I'll try and start bedtime earlier. It isn't easy:). What do you do for naptime? Routine? What time? Thanks for all the help.

[FreeRangeMama]

I just wanted to add that we moved from one house to another in the same city without all the other factors and it was just really, really hard on my youngest 2 children (3 and 5).  They didn't sleep well for 5 months, they needed (and still need) lots of reassurance.  I think moving is a huge stress for children and it takes a lot of time, patience, and more time to get through it.  I think keeping that in mind helped me not get frustrated on those nights they wouldn't sleep.

I also wanted to add that kids need a LOT of sleep.  Most do anyway.  My 7 year old needs at LEAST a solid 11 hours.  The 5 and 3 year old do best with no less than 12.  It is hard on days I work (evenings) or on days where we have after school activities as they get overtired.  That makes the next night's sleep tricky as they are grumpy and overtired.  I have a 10 year old who survives on very little sleep, so I know that not all kids DO sleep, but most don't get nearly enough.

Maybe try putting the youngest to bed at 6:30, the next oldest to bed at 7 and the 6 year old to bed at 7:30?  It means an earlier dinner and less time with them in the early evening.....but more time for you to get stuff done and RELAX after they are in bed.  Perhaps if they go to bed in stages it will make it easier to avoid the problem of them keeping each other awake.  That is why I stagger bed times, my girls keep each other going for hours if I put them down at the same time. 

Good luck, I am sure it will get easier with time.  They have been through some big changes.  With a little more time they will adjust into the new normal  :)

[leurMaman]

Thanks, FreeRangeMama,

I will try the staggered bedtime today - and I'll make sure to keep naptime going.  I've read this before and once had it all established, but when your world gets turned upside-down it is hard to hold on to those facts.  Thanks for reminding me.  I'll give it another shot.  Sending a grateful hug...