HELP! My 20 month old hates daycare - Should I be doing something else?

[prettymomma]

My son is 20 months old and started daycare 2 weeks ago for 2 half days a week.  I work at home full time and was having trouble getting what I needed to done for work, and he was seeming to need more stimulation and loves playing with other kids.  He is very independent, not a clingy child, and up for anything most of the time - the more action the better!  He has been home with me since birth although we do go to lots of playgroup type interactions.  Day one drop- off went perfectly...then he realized the plan was that he would be there without me.  Every day since, he has started crying from the moment I grab his backpack and most of the 4 hours he has spent at school.  Crying when I leave is understandable, but he really is upset most of the time that I'm gone.  The teachers say they can distract him for about 10 minutes at a time, but most of the time he is weepy.  I have tried staying and playing for an hour or two in the morning to help him get comfortable, but it's hard to tell if I'm doing the right thing.  Half of the reason I am bringing him is because I thought the socialization would be good for him and that he would enjoy it and be happy.  I know it's early still, but how long do I go with him being so upset the whole time before I look at something else? I'm considering pulling him out and trying to get a nanny for a few hours a week or maybe try a home based daycare, or even just getting work done while he's sleeping and weekends, but I don't want to cause more stress with more change unless it's the right thing to do.  And, would I just be deferring the separation anxiety until later when he would start pre-school?    Is there something I should be doing to make it easier?  Or will it be easier to explain that I will be back once he's older?  Any thoughts or ideas would be GREATLY appreciated.

[Catubodua]

how do you act when you leave/drop him off?  do you make a big deal of it or are you mostly matter of fact about leaving?

how does he react when you leave in other situations, like with babysitters?

[prettymomma]

I always leave positively and smiling and let him know I will be back soon...very matter of fact.  We talk about the other kids that are getting dropped of and the mommas and poppas that are working that are coming back to get them when they are done.  I also talk about it before and after the fact - lots of  talking about the fun stuff he did playing with kids and school - and then say and then momma came to get you!  He says a lot of NO and HOME when we talk about it. He will even stay longer at the end if I'm there...I came a little early Tuesday because he had yet to eat lunch while there ( I pick him up after lunch) and came in and sat with the kids and he was fine - having a good time - and ate.  He just won't get over that I'm gone when I am.  So far the only babysitters he has had are family and he's not happy to see me go but doesn't melt down and is fine when I'm gone.  I like to think he will be happy once he doesn't feel like it's a room full of strangers, but being weepy for 4 hours seems excessive to me because it so unlike him.  

[CherryBombMama]

op, i used to work at a childcare center and to tell you the truth, our tue, thur kids had the absolute worst time adjusting. esp the ones that only stayed half day. tues was rough for them because they just spent the whole weekend plus two extra days with their families. thur was not as bad, because tue was fresh in their mind, but then another four days would go by and they would get back in weekend mode and not want to be there come tues. 

my opinion would be that a nanny would be a better fit. this way he wouldnt have to get used to random days (they might seem random to him since its only 2 out of the 7 days of the week) being away from you, and it might be easier to bond with a single person, rather than being dropped off with "strangers."

i also dont mean to offend anyone who has their child in a tue/thur day care. this is just my experience 

[Peony]

For a child that has an issue with transitions, back to back days can work better. M/W failed miserably for my DD2, but M/T worked out well, once she got a bit older anyway. She is 4.5 now and even now if I try to do days that are not back to back, it is so much harder on her.

I'd second a nanny/sitter though, that is what we do for my 24 month old DS. I often work from home and I just seclude myself upstairs, they play downstairs, walk to the park, etc... I only use her for half days at a time, and he is thrilled to see her come now because he knows I am not too far away and it is someone that solely sits there and plays with him for hours. He took to sitters quickly, DD2 when she was a toddler was far more resistant and I had to spend a fair amount of time working up it to. Sitting and playing with her while the sitter was here, and gradually moving out of the picture while still being close, and then eventually leaving. 

[emma00]

If I'm reading your post correctly, he has only been to daycare 4 half-days at this point.  I would give it a bit more adjustment time before making any changes.  I have been fortunate that my own kids have adjusted pretty quickly to childcare situations, but I can remember some kids in my daughter's nursery school (T/ Th 2 yr old morning programme) that took many weeks (like 6 or more) to really settle down and feel comfortable in the programme. (I used to volunteer - so I would see them for the whole morning.)  Are you comfortable with how the teachers are handling his distress?  If you aren't - maybe the other posters' suggestions of finding an in-home solution would be better.  Good luck. 

[prettymomma]

Thanks for all the great responses!  I am going to give it 6 weeks ( 3 more) and if I don't see any improvement in his comfort level, I am going to switch to a nanny.  I started interviewing already!  Thanks again for the opinions and support - the moms on here are the best!