Not meeting his needs, or helping him grow?

[swd12422]

If DS were a baby, there wouldn't be a question. But now he's 3 (and nearly a half, if that matters), and I'm not sure if this is a phase I need to nurture him through, or a learning moment for him.

When it's time to wash hands, go to the bathroom, or really any other thing that means he has to leave the room we're in (usually the kitchen) and go down the hall to his room or the bathroom, he cries and whines to be picked up or for one of us to go with him. You can see the kitchen table from the bathroom -- it's not like our house has enormous caverns in which he can get lost. I'm having a hard time deciding if this is something we need to resist to teach him to be independent, or if this is just a clingy phase where he needs more attention, and really, what's the harm in giving it to him? If he were a baby needing attention, he'd get it. No questions asked. So I feel stupid thinking we're babying him by going with him or carrying him there. If he needs attention, what's the big deal to go with him? But I also don't want this to be a precedent where he decides he can't do anything by himself. My parents did a lot for me while I was growing up, and although it seemed like it was nurturing and taking care of me, and letting me be a kid instead of forcing me to act like an adult, I feel like it affected how comfortable I feel doing certain things by myself and especially talking to people out in public. I don't want to do that to DS, but I also don't want to ignore his need to feel secure and safe with us. What do you all think?

[kavamamakava]

I have almost always found that when I pull my kids in closer they get independent in a real hurry. With your son, I might encourage him to stay with me and be practically glued to my side and keep him involved in everything. My kids get sick of me real quick when I do that :P

[flightgoddess]

How about walking and holding hands? My lil guy is 2.5, and he was clingy like that when he was closer to 2, but lately I've been emphasizing and praising when he does stuff like a big boy. I'm pregnant, so as I get bigger, picking him up and carrying will get more difficult. So, now most days he'll scoot down the stairs 'bumping his butt' which we practiced together. And on short staris he'll hold hands or the wall and take  'big boy steps'. And before he whined for me to pick him up while I made dinner, washed dishes, whatever. And now he gets his own stool and brings it over to stand by me instead of whining. He's wanting to 'help' me so I'm still figuring that one out.

On the other hand, he isn't afraid of being alone, or leaving the room by himself. (But if I leave the room, he'll ask where I'M going) Now that he is more confident with stairs, he'll go up and down as he pleases to get toys or books or whatever. Maybe work on little bits of independance at a time. And add another piece as he starts doing other's for himself. Letting them learn and become independant IS nurturing them and allowing them to feel secure with what their bodies and minds CAN do for themselves. You're not letting them become an adult too soon, but for example, they should learn to care for themselves, their surroundings and family members (humans and pets) in age appropriate ways. Yes, he's little and hand washing should still be monitored (so there are no soap bubble lake Superiors in the bathroom) but he's old enough to get himself with his own mobility. He's old enough to have *some* kind of chore (monitored of course) My son feeds the cat dinner every day, happily. If she's not in the room already, he'll run around the house yelling "Tica, dinner!" Picking up toys are still 50/50 and that is still monitored too of course. And I rearranged his drawers so his shirts are on the bottom, and a new one we're working on is him chosing a shirt each day, and I 'help' him put it on (Usually, get his arm out of the head hole and into the sleeve) That doesn't mean it's perfect yet. One day I found all his clean shirts in the laundry hamper. But he is copy something that I do (put laundry in the hamper) He just hasn't got the clean/dirty concept yet. Anyway. See? baby steps. And hopefully these will grow into more things he's confident in doing for himself.

[Wittyone]

I'd snuggle him up/accompany him as much as reasonable at this point, especially if this is sort of new for him.  It seems like my son goes in and out of clingy days/weeks/months and they pass quicker if we just give in and comfort him through it.  I think they hit other milestones and need some emotional comfort during that time.  Now I will confess that these phases will drive me a little crazy especially if they come on the tail of some particularly independent phase, but we've been through enough by this time to realize they will pass again too!

[SubliminalDarkness]

I, also, would go with it. My 4 year old goes through cycles with this kind of stuff from time to time. Sometimes he is hugely demanding of touch and attention, other times he's fiercely independent. I usually find it's related to some kind of developmental spurt of growth and we get through it and he's better off for having had his needs met when they presented themselves.