Normal stress or PPD?

[YayJennie]

I have a son who just turned 2 and a daughter who is 4 months old.  I was warned having two under two would be tough, but I had no idea just how draining it would be.  I'm exhausted.  I cry pretty much every day.  I have a hard time dealing with the baby crying and sometimes yell at my toddler just because I'm frustrated.  This isn't the type of parent I was before my daughter was born.  I used to be so patient and tolerant and now I just have no energy and feel completely depleted.

I have a history of depression, so I'm extra nervous that I'm falling back into a bad place.  But I also know having two young kids is tough and it's normal to feel stressed and it's only been a few months so I'm still in a transition phase of getting used to having two kids instead of one.  But I'm just so upset so much of the time.  Is that normal?  I just don't want to suddenly realize a year down the road that I'm actually suffering from PPD or something serious that I need to get help for.  I know it will get easier as the baby gets older and we figure more stuff out, but right now, it is so hard.  I am miserable and day dream about going back to work just because I know working 8-9 hour days would be easier than dealing with kids 24/7.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  It wouldn't be so bad if my daughter could nap well, but she tends to need to be held for naps and I can't hold her for naps when I've got an active toddler up and about.  It's such a struggle to balance both of the kid's needs.

Maybe I just needed to vent.  Thanks for reading.

 

[31rubies]

  

Edited by 31rubies - 2/23/12 at 9:10pm

[mmmbugs]

dude- parents were never meant to do it alone.  do you have any support you can call on?  mother? mother-in-law? neighbor?

i have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, and i am so thankful for any help i can get.  

you can ask for help!

[AutumnAir]

Will your baby nap on your back in a carrier?  That's one of the few ways I can manage - I take DD1 out and about to the park or for a walk, pop DD2 in a carrier on my back and she'll usually take a bit of a nap there, and at least DD1 isn't tearing the house up.  Plus we all get some fresh air!

It is really hard, especially when you're on your own.  I don't have any friends or family close by to lean on, so I know how tough it is to cope when you can't get a break.  I was actually diagnosed with PPD by my GP, but I don't believe the diagnosis.  My problem was exhaustion and pain from untreated sciatica.  Once I started medicating for the sciatica and DD2 started sleeping better my mood improved exponentially.  I still have difficult days, but things are getting a lot better.

Lots of (((hugs))))

[newmamalizzy]

First, I want to say I know EXACTLY how you feel - and I only have one!  I have a history of depression, too, AND a 12 month old that (though she's getting better) has always been really REALLY difficult with naps. 

I think my response to your post question is, does it really matter whether it's normal stress or PPD?  Sounds to me like you're simply at a point where you're struggling, exhausted, feeling unlike yourself, and unhappy.  Just because these stresses may be "normal" doesn't mean you don't need help - even of the psychological variety, if it comes to that.  So, yes, I think you DO need to seek help, of some sort. 

One suggestion about the napping problem:  My LO was a 40 minute napper who napped every 1.5 - 2 hours at 4 months, and she always could sleep in the car.  Is it possible to take the kids somewhere a little further away for an outing and plan for the baby to nap both on the way there and back?  Driving always makes me feel a little more myself....

[YayJennie]

Thank you all for the suggestions and support.  I am definitely depressed, whether it's PPD or "normal" stress or whatever.  I'm sleep deprived, my 4 month old is sick and on a nursing strike, so I'm having to pump a ton and feel like shit because she's denying the breast.  My 2 year old is bored home all the time and acting out and I don't have the energy to take him anywhere.  I would go outside more, but lovely upstate NY got SNOW last night.  It's too cold and wet and nasty to even go out for a nice walk with the dog when I have to bundle everyone up so much and then my son just complains that he's cold.  It's so much easier when the weather is nice and I can take the kids outside.  But for now it just sucks.  I saw my doctor today for my daughter's cold, and she highly recommended getting in touch with a therapist, so that's what I'm trying, but I don't know if I'll be able to see my old therapist because she's so booked, and I don't want to start over with a new one.  I'm just overwhelmed :(

[mom2happy]

Two under two IS hard. Working even a 12 hour day even with a commute would be easier, because atleast you would know there was a time you could punch out.

This is a tough time. You will pull through, but you need to figure out what to focus on and what to let go. Things get so much easier later. You will have time for a clean house and fancy cooking later. For the next year or two (if I could go back) this is what I would do:

Stop constantly picking up toys, just make sure everyone is fed and reasonably clean, happy as possible...... take care of your self too.

Go for walks with the double stroller every day. Take fish oil. Relax on the floor with some pillows with the babies. Get into a good series (netflix is great for that), so you have something you can look forward to every night as you wrestle a nursing baby to sleep.

I'm trying to think of things I did and wish I did while I was in this exhuasted rutt.

FWIW, you will probably look back with fond memories at all of this. Just try to stay peaceful and KNOW that it WILL get easier physically for you to keep up with.

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by YayJennie 

Thank you all for the suggestions and support.  I am definitely depressed, whether it's PPD or "normal" stress or whatever.  I'm sleep deprived, my 4 month old is sick and on a nursing strike, so I'm having to pump a ton and feel like shit because she's denying the breast.  My 2 year old is bored home all the time and acting out and I don't have the energy to take him anywhere.  I would go outside more, but lovely upstate NY got SNOW last night.  It's too cold and wet and nasty to even go out for a nice walk with the dog when I have to bundle everyone up so much and then my son just complains that he's cold.  It's so much easier when the weather is nice and I can take the kids outside.  But for now it just sucks.  I saw my doctor today for my daughter's cold, and she highly recommended getting in touch with a therapist, so that's what I'm trying, but I don't know if I'll be able to see my old therapist because she's so booked, and I don't want to start over with a new one.  I'm just overwhelmed :(

Well, don't feel like you can't keep coming back to this thread and re-posting every time you feel like you need to, even if it's every day.  I find that one good rant on here is often enough to revive me for a few days, but those babies are gonna keep being there....and so will we!

[31rubies]

Yayjennie, how's today going?  Hope you are having a easy day! 

[megannt]

Sorry you are having such a rough time, mama. My prayers are with you. I know how draining it can be with one, so my heart goes out to you. Have you thought about finding a play group? Do you have a friend that can watch your 2 year old so that you can focus on your baby while you are going through this rough nursing patch?  Sometimes we have a hard time as women reaching out for help, I know I do. I pray that you can find the relief that you need.

Maybe if you called your therapist and explained your situation she might get you in more quickly?  It sounds like your case is pretty urgent. She might make special arrangements just for your situation.

Yes, keep posting here for support. Sometimes just having someone to talk to and commiserate with helps!  Hope things are getting better.

[YayJennie]

I am going to start back with my therapist.  Her earliest appointment was for 2 weeks, but at least I can get in with someone who I already have history with.  I also got a massage yesterday, and am going for acupuncture next week.  My husband is being SO supportive and has been on Spring break this week (he's a student and works) so he's been home more.  So I'm trying to take care of myself.  Thanks for the support mamas!

[Anna's Lovey]

Check your thyroid, check your thyroid, check your thyroid...

I'm not saying that it's not normal to feel stressed out and overwhelmed in your situation and I agree with what other people are posting (find some little things to look forward to, try to get your therapist to fit you in early), but it could be the thyroid that's causing you problems.  I'm only saying this because I was in your exact position a few months ago: history of depression, grumpy toddler, sleepless baby, and just unable to control my snappiness, unable to focus and unable to control my anxiety.  Turns out, low thyroid can look a lot like PPD And it can manifest itself as extreme anxiety and flashes of anger. 

Egads, I wish someone had told me that a long time ago. 

And really, low thyroid is a lot easier to deal with than PPD.  

Keep us posted, ok?

Jenica 

[MsFortune]

It could be PPD, so take it seriously.

I think a lot of it is exhaustion. I had two under two (my kids are now 7 mos and just over 2 years) and it was really hard. I think it's the lack of sleep that made it even worse so do what you can to get that in shape.

I managed to get both kids and I to nap together in the afternoon. That seemed to help. Nap whenever you get the chance.

[AFWife]

Jennie! You can vent any time! I'm SOO there. I also know that in situations like this sometimes you feel totally alone (especially when you're stuck in the house with the kids all day every day)

I wish I had magic advice...all I can offer is hugs and support.

Originally Posted by Anna's Lovey 

Check your thyroid, check your thyroid, check your thyroid...

I'm not saying that it's not normal to feel stressed out and overwhelmed in your situation and I agree with what other people are posting (find some little things to look forward to, try to get your therapist to fit you in early), but it could be the thyroid that's causing you problems.  I'm only saying this because I was in your exact position a few months ago: history of depression, grumpy toddler, sleepless baby, and just unable to control my snappiness, unable to focus and unable to control my anxiety.  Turns out, low thyroid can look a lot like PPD And it can manifest itself as extreme anxiety and flashes of anger. 

Egads, I wish someone had told me that a long time ago. 

And really, low thyroid is a lot easier to deal with than PPD.  

Keep us posted, ok?

Jenica 

This is interesting. I've thought about thyroid issues before and we're saving up to get some expensive testing done. (I don't trust going to a military doctor. The place I'm going believes that even though you might "fit in the normal spectrum" you could still have the wrong levels for YOU. They go on symptoms instead of just numbers.)

[LadyCatherine185]

i'm so there with you mama... ((hugs))