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Boyfriends Pesky Family

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

I'm currently pregnant with my first, I'm 18 years old and still with the father of the baby. My bf and his sister and family etc. think that when the baby is here, that any of them can discipline the baby. And how (his sister) way is best, when her and her husband could use some serious parental guidence about cussing at their own children. It just makes me angry, whenever my boyfriend mentions his sister or any of them watching our baby. They also act like I have no idea about taking care of infants what so ever, even though I helped my mom raise my little sister. I don't know maybe I'm just being hard headed, but I do Not want them watching over my baby. How am I suppose to deal with all of this civil when all I want to do is not be civil. Plus it doesn't help that my boyfriend falls for everything his family thinks, and he's just Way to Dependent on them. And his sister thinks she can buy every furniture for the baby without even asking me if I'd like it, its what she likes. Last time I checked I was the one with child and not her. Sorry I'm just kind of venting, if you haven't noticed. But some advise on this whole matter, would be WELL appreciated.

post #2 of 6

My advice is take a deep breath.

 

Families are REALLY hard to deal with, at the best of times.  And when you're pregnant (especially when you're quite young) is NOT the best of times.

 

The reality is that it IS you who is pregnant.  You don't HAVE to let them look after the baby.  They can say whatever they want, the bottom line is it is your baby.

 

When it comes to furniture your BFs sister CAN buy whatever she likes.  You don't have to use it or keep it.  Be gracious, thank her profusely, and return it if it's unsuitable/horrifically ugly, but do so quietly and if she questions it explain yourself as tactfully as you can.

 

It's difficult, i had my DD's by different men so i have 3 families in total to deal with - amazingly my own can be the most annoying!  But as much as they can irritate me, all the families love my kids, nearly as much as i do, and my kids love them, and it's worth the aggravation in that context.

 

Hang in there, and vent away, here is the safe place to do it :)

post #3 of 6

I just wanted to affirm that you are the mother. This is not going to be easy for you, and everybody is going to have an opinion and feel free to step over their boundaries because you're 18. But you. Are. The. Mother.

 

What is your living situation? Are you living with your boyfriend's family? If so, it's going to be extra tough. Still, accept this confidence from me to you, that you are the mother, and therefore you have every right to decide how to raise your child. The complicating factor, of course, is that your boyfriend also has this right, and he can easily extend that to his family if he likes - especially if you guys are living there. If you are, do you have any options to move out on your own?

post #4 of 6
Thread Starter 

Right now I'm currently still living with my family, and he's living with his sister/husband/ two kids. And the whole living situation is so messed up because, my bfs grandma has passed away and my boyfriend gave his mother 2,000$ just so she could keep it. (The house is Not in the best shape, it comes complete with black mole, however it does have three bedrooms) So my boyfriends mom is fixing the place up so me, daddy, and baby can live there until its completely redone. Then move out. It's Completely Ridiculous! Ughhh I have so much stress greensad.gif

post #5 of 6

Like a previous poster said, YOU ARE THE MOM. Whatever you think is best, is what is right.  You don't have to let anyone even see or touch your baby if it doesn't feel 100% ok to you.  If the parents are being like that, they probably won't stop. And really it's pretty typical to have grandparents involved who are overbearing, but just don't ever let them have the chance to be.   About the furniture, if she buys something you don't like, why don't you return it and use the money to get your own apartment?  I would save as much as you possibly can right now and just get your own place when you can. 

 

post #6 of 6

Youre the mama. You decide who gets to watch your child. You decide what color your crib sheets are. You decide everything. You should listen and take your BF's opinions seriously, but only if they are HIS opinions. His family is not him. Families are hard to deal with when you are bringing a little one into the world. It seems like they are treating you like a child because you are young, and if I were in your shoes I would talk to them and show them that you are doing everything you can to educate yourself about parenting, ask your BF's sister if she wants to go shopping WITH you, explain that everyone parents differently and you want to choose your own path. I think you could do this in a way that isnt offensive to them and hopefully it will help your relationship to them grow. Just remember, if you breastfeed exclusively and dont buy a breast pump, you wont even have to think about leaving your baby with them for at least the first six months.

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