Completely overwhelmed

[blizzard_babe]

:( DS2 is almost six months, but is the size (height and weight) of your average 12 month-old. He eats a LOT. I've been pumping three times a day and getting an average of 20 ounces per day, but it's apparently not enough. Our babysitter just called and he just finished up the last of the milk I left for him yesterday, and the freezer stash is gone, too. So now I'll drag the pump home every night and try to get out of bed early to squeeze in a pumping before we leave in the morning and another after he goes to sleep.

I really, really, really, really don't want him to get formula. But at the same time, I'm so tired. I've lost four pounds in the last week, which is good from a blizzard_babe-is-chubby-from-two-pregnancies perspective, but "too overwhelmed and exhausted to eat more than one meal a day" is not generally a recommended diet plan, and not great for the breastmilk supply. DH is out of state (with DS1) for the month, the house is a mess, the dog hasn't been outside other than to go potty, and I don't have any sick or personal days left this school year because I used them all on my maternity leave. To top it off, my position is ending as of the end of this school year (I'll be back in the classroom next year; I'm currently a curriculum specialist at the district's central office), so most of the work I have left to do for the next month is depressing "clean out your office and show other people how to do your job" work.

There, that was my pity party. Thank you for indulging me.

[t2009]

I am sorry you're going through a rough patch! I have been there with the pumping... fresh & freezer stash gone, nothing left. I really don't think you should beat yourself up if you find that you cannot meet your DS's demands/appetite. But also know that this will pass! He is likely going through a growth spurt & is insatiable. Perhaps after the spurt (if that's indeed what he's going through) he'll be ready for some solids? If you're trying to avoid formula, at least you are at the point where maybe solids can provide the extra something he needs? 

But first & foremost, you HAVE to take care of yourself! It doesn't matter that your house is a mess... feed yourself some real food & drink lots of water. Oatmeal (steel cut if you can), gatorade (or coconut water?), blessed thistle + fenugreek will all help boost your supply.

Since you're on the downswing with work, can you stop by to nurse at least once a day? That would be the best thing for your supply. Or can the babysitter bring the babe to you to nurse? And maybe this weekend you can plan a nursing vacation... just sit around (drink lots of water & eat) & nurse all weekend. That's a sure way to bump your supply again. 

You can get through this! The school year is almost done!

[blizzard_babe]

Thanks. I went and got him and he's now playing with my keys on my office floor.

I'll probably start going to the sitter's on my lunch hour. For most of the year, DH and I have worked opposite shifts, so I've gone home on my lunch to nurse and just hang out and eat lunch. The babysitter lives about as far away as one can get in this town, but I can make it there, drop off milk, nurse, and then make it back before my lunch hour is up.

And the nursing vacation sounds lovely. I think I'll crock pot some soup and nap all weekend :D.

[poorlittlefish]

That sounds so tough, mama.  But familiar.  I have low to just barely adequate supply.  With my first DD i KILLED myself to avoid formula--pumping before bed, on the weekends, in the middle of the night.  She did end up getting some anyways because of the reasons you list above.  My second DD, I managed to avoid formula until 6 months-worked hard to make it that far--but at 6 months once solids were started I dropped all the weekend and late night pumps and if she needs a bottle of formula at daycare, she gets it.  I refuse to put myself through the wringer. She did have a spurt where she needed that extra every day but once that passed...she maybe gets a formula bottle once a week, at the most.  You have to do what you have to do to keep your sanity and don't feel guilty about it. hugs.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by poorlittlefish 

That sounds so tough, mama.  But familiar.  I have low to just barely adequate supply.  With my first DD i KILLED myself to avoid formula--pumping before bed, on the weekends, in the middle of the night.  She did end up getting some anyways because of the reasons you list above.  My second DD, I managed to avoid formula until 6 months-worked hard to make it that far--but at 6 months once solids were started I dropped all the weekend and late night pumps and if she needs a bottle of formula at daycare, she gets it.  I refuse to put myself through the wringer. She did have a spurt where she needed that extra every day but once that passed...she maybe gets a formula bottle once a week, at the most.  You have to do what you have to do to keep your sanity and don't feel guilty about it. hugs.

Thanks. DS1 never got any formula, and I was working FT with him, too... so I keep thinking, "well, if I could do it three years ago..." but I remember, right about now, when DS1 was getting so big and his caloric needs were so high, and yet he wasn't eating solids of any real amount, it was a struggle. He was home with DH then, and I worked a block away, so coming home and nursing him was fairly easy. I talked to my babysitter yesterday, and she basically said, "Don't worry. I know how to mix formula and breastmilk so he won't get used to the taste of formula. If we need to mix them together for a week to get caught up again, it's fine. He's at that age where he'll be getting solids soon; once they start getting solids, I don't worry as much." Probably not the "MDC" correct answer, but it made me feel better. 

I've been mindfully relaxing and eating a lot of protein-y foods since yesterday. Chicken marsala for dinner last night, large helping of eggs and spinach and feta cheese on tortillas for breakfast, a big ol' cheese and veggie sandwich for lunch, and... Hmm. Not sure what I want for dinner :giggle:. I pumped last night and again today while DS2 was napping and did quite well. My supply isn't historically an issue... I was just running on empty. I had gotten to the point where I couldn't work up the mental energy (I get VERY spacey and out-of-it if I don't eat enough)to go to the store to get food, which of course made the situation worse.

Seriously, it's amazing how much better I feel today. 180 degree turn-around. I could lift a Volkswagon (ok, maybe not, but you know what I mean).

One more month until I'm done for the summer. Just gotta push through.