Chatty Queers Unite! - Page 6

[carmen358]

QOTD: I played school basketball and volleyball and league soccer, fastball and karate when I was younger and I basically lived on an ice rink as a kid (though girls "didn't play hockey" then...still pissed at that!). Have played some softball as an adult on a beer league and these days I play street hockey with friends whenever we're all free on a Sunday and it isn't raining. I'm not nearly as fit as I used to be unfortunately but I love sports.

I'm not sure that I would ever discourage my kids to not play a particular sport except for anything to do with guns and probably boxing or that insane "ufc" or whatever it's called. Of course I'd rather they chose 'safe' sports and will likely enroll them in sports that I think are 'better' or 'safer' (if they are sporty) but if they were really passionate about a sport I hope I would support them....even if it meant having a heart attack everytime they left the house to participate in said sport. Of course, when faced with the reality of it...I can't say for sure.

[indigoscot]

qotds that i am catching up on!  we own (we and the bank, lol) our house.  it's a 3 bedroom ranch with a huge bonus room and a basement that needs to be renovated.  we have a fairly sizeable back yard that has a cool wood playset (donated by dp's coworker who no longer wanted it.  she and a friend of ours disassembled and reassembled it.  retail it would have cost several thousands of dollars).  it has a slide, three swings an upstairs/downstairs and monkey bars.  the schools around us are pretty blah but we do plan to apply to a couple of charter schools.  i bought the house before dp and i started dating.

sports - i did wado-ryu karate in my early 20s and got all the way to 1st kyu brown belt.  i just didn't have the spare time to train for my black belt.  dp did tae-kwan-do as a kid and also got her brown belt.  dp retired from competitive fencing right before ds1 was born and had been doing that since college.  at the time she retired she had been a national champion in individual and team and medaled in a div 1 nac.  her friend emily cross was on the usa team that won silver in the women's foil in the last olympics.  we just signed ds1 up for tiny t-ball through our local ymca and that starts in june.  he has a tee, bat and balls and can smack line-drives from that and when we "pitch" to him.  ds1 also does playball at daycare which teaches ball, balance and coordination skills.  dp would like both boys to at least try fencing - she is still in touch with her coach (he represented egypt in world championships and the olympics).  ds1 can start doing fitness and footwork but won't hold a foil until he's much older - around 8 i think.  as for sports we wouldn't want them to do - american football and boxing.  however, since they are both big for their age and showing signs of being sporty we may end up having to compromise at least on the football.

g

[seraf]

Haha, indigo, I think you hit the nail on the head.  A big boy is expected to play here (football is life, right?).  I'm rather thrilled that my son is minuscule and built like a stick man.  We don't have fencing around here as far as I'm aware.  Most of the schools don't even have soccer.   DS might like wrestling, but the way our custody is split up, I don't think we could work it out for practice. 

[KnittingTigers]

I love this thread! When I'm not totally swamped at work, I love being a chatty queer!

I went to a total jock girl high school (Catholic girls school, from which I'm still recovering...), and had the misfortune of being terribly unathletic, and hence, unpopular. I spent most of my time at the drama club. Ha ha. As an adult, I'm a strong swimmer, though I find it hard to make the time to get to the pool these days. I swam one open water race (across the Nantucket bay) several years ago and loved it. I also swam almost every day throughout my pregnancy with Ocean. But, I was a grad student back then with a free and easy schedule. These days, between my commute, dropping Ocean off at daycare, and my workday, I'm out of the house from 7am to 6:30pm, which makes it really difficult to make time to swim.

[starling&diesel]

Oi, sports.  Hmm. 

Not me.

I was the kid who got sent waaaay out in left field when it was time to play baseball in school.  I was allowed to take a book with me.  No one complained if I stood there with my glove at my feet and my face in a book. 

I had chronic knee pain as a child (since figured out related to the celiac, but at the time they thought JRA) so I never had to do much in gym, and when I did, I'd fall and break my wrist or smash my glasses, so I think my gym teachers thought I was more of a liability than anything else and were happy to let me sit on the bleachers with ... yes, you guessed it, a book.

I did swim all through my youth, and still go two or three times a week, with dd.

As an adult, I took up trail running, and stunt kayak-ing, and backcountry hiking and when I was working at a transition house for battered women and their kids and one of the violent partners held us all up at rifle-point, all of us staff started kickboxing lessons.  I went as far as getting my blue belt, but now that I'm a paramedic, and we switch off looking after dp, I don't have the time. 

I'm hoping to get back into running, but I need to repair an IT band injury first. 

I can honestly say that I've never watched a hockey game, never seen a baseball game in it's entirety, and have never, not ever, not even once, been on a sports team.  Oh, except I got talked into playing a game of water polo (WTF???) once and got pummeled and shoved under the water by aggressive water-polo-playing dykes and was at a severe disadvantage because I didn't have my glasses on a couldn't see them coming.  I thought I was going to die. 

No, team sports are not for me.

I try to be open about it for dd, but in all honesty, I won't be encouraging it.  DP would like her to play soccer, and maybe t-ball.  That's her department.  I'll be in charge of the canoeing and hiking and swimming and any martial arts.

I don't have to hand back my queer card now, do I?

I make a very cute cheerleader! 

[prettyisa]

Don't worry, Starling--you're not alone with your book-in-a-field memories! In summer day camp my friends and I were allowed to be in the 'permanent out-out-field' when we played kickball. Basically we were on the edge of the field playing house or princess or farm or whatever and everyone else played the actual game. I ran track in high school for one year because my two best friends were into it, and although it was fun once was more than enough. Also dabbled in taekwondo, which was fun. And in high school I got pretty into Scottish Country Dancing (my mom did it in college, so it's kind of a family thing). Mostly, though, I really like to walk. Long, long, endless death-marches (as my friends call them). It helps me think. I'd encourage the kids to play sports, though, or at least to give them a try. Soccer, martial arts, and dance seem like good places to start, but I'd be open to other sports if they were interested. I'd discourage american football and wrestling. Capoeira is awesome, but my ex really hurt his shoulder doing it when he was younger, so I'm a little torn on that one.

Angela--me, too! It's nice to just hang out with y'all.

[wishin'&hopin']

Okay, jumping into the CQ pool because we've discussed the sports thing a LOT at our house.  At 4 months DS was a big baby and the football comments started.  My response "we won't allow sports where they want to collect your brain when you die in order to study what happens to brains subjected to multiple traumas".   Thankfully, my breastfed 1 yr old has now settled into what the doc thinks will be his true curve--50th percentile for weight and 75th for height!  

My brothers both played college football (and one of them a brief stint doing pro arena football) and I've seen the MAJOR negative impact the sport had on their health.  Soooo, no football.  We'll also actively discourage ice hockey for some of the same reasons.  

That said, he's one!  We plan on helping him find his passions--and with a soccer loving aunt; a rock climbing/yoga enthusiast godmother; and our own love of hiking and biking he's sure to find something athletic he enjoys!  We also LOVE art and music in our house...and barring his complete refusal we'll be signing him up for church choir the second he's old enough :)

[Forthwith]

Neither of us are particularly sporty.  We're more the climb-a-tree-and-read type.  But I had fun as a kid swimming and playing soccer, so we may enroll DS in those when he's older (besides, there is nothing cuter than a group of preschoolers playing soccer - they're like tumbly little puppies!)  DS was a big baby (though he's slowed down now), so we got a lot of sport comments.  Btw, wishin&hopin, your DS is charting exactly the same as mine is now! 

I don't know whether I'd stop DS from playing football or not - as well as the risk of physical injury, football often goes along with a pretty homophobic subculture, and I don't know if I'd be okay with exposing DS to that.  But if he really wants to, and is a teenager.... Ah, it's easier right now, when his only strong opinions have to do with bananas, board books, and walking.

I have finally figured out how to post a picture, so here is DS:

New QOTD: Those of you who have had or are planning to have more than one child -  How important was using the same donor to you?

We bought two vials of our donor for DS.  We got lucky and conceived on the first try, so we have one vial left.  Our donor is sold out and left the program, so that one vial is it. We're left wondering whether I should use clomid or ivf this time, or just plan on picking a new donor.  I feel so torn....

[seraf]

Kelmendi, Your kid is a cutie.

New QOTD: We are looking at 4 kids with 4 donors and 2 bio moms.  It's not really that important to me, obviously.  First one was frozen, we were the last family before he was to be retired (by the way, if you call, they will sometimes sell retired donor sperm for sibs.  Retired doesn't always mean they're out.)  We didn't have money to buy or store a supply at that juncture.  Second came from a KD.  They look very little alike but everyone recognizes them as sibs and says they look just like each other.  I think she has my lips and her donor's everything else and he has his donors lips and my everything else.  They both have blue eyes and that seems to be all it takes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[megincl]

Haven't been around here much, but I like this thread!

So many possible questions that I could weigh in on. 

First, to what our kiddos wear: DS is a certified gender bender in SO many ways. I blog about that whole experience. We really don't restrict what he wears, and generally everything comes from the "girl" section. He recently returned to wearing nail polish, and he always sports a pony tail. It's hilarious to me when we're out and folks assume DS is a girl and that DD is a boy (you know, because she has short hair since she's a BABY, and so she must be a boy!). My blog, in case anyone wants to check it out....

As for sports, I was super sporty growing up -- lots of team sports. I did basketball, soccer, softball, swim team. DW did fencing (lots of fencing folk on here, it seems) and rugby in college (typical! ). DS is not too athletically inclined. He likes to run fast. He does swim team right now. He did soccer as a four year old and was literally the kid picking flowers, holding hands with his friend, and singing. I sort of think he'd now like to join a soccer team now, but kids his age have all been playing for four or five years, so he'd be toast. Not sure about sports in the future for either kid. I'm really not into tackle football, wrestling, or anything super duper violent.

Finally, the donor question. We have a KD and for a while in the process of conceiving DD (a LONG process that took OVER three years. Oy) we thought we would have to use frozen sperm from an unknown donor. At that point, I realized that the biology was somewhat important to me (though not overly so) but that the relationship that DS has with our donor was super important and that I wanted that for a second kiddo as well. It caused us a bit of extra wait at one point in the process, but I'm so happy they'll share that relationship. I just couldn't quite imagine one kiddo having that and the other not. That's certainly specific to our situation with a KD and the type of relationship we have with our KD, though....I would invite anyone considering this to think far down the road, not just to the point of conception, just to see how you think it might play out for your kiddos in the distant future when they're likely to have some sort of opinion about the matter.

[megincl]

Wait! I forgot a picture....(that would be the requisite Red Sox hat on Wylie, for all you local folks....)

[carmen358]

QOTD: (such great questions!) We definitely want to use the same donor for a second child. We didn't bring it up at the time but have since discussed it and we are THRILLED that he said yes. Like megin, we chose our KD specifically because if DD wants to have a relationship with him in the future he is absolutely the one we would want to be in her life! And if another child didn't have that I would have a tough time emotionally with that. Having access to their donor is extremely important to DP and I and we carefully chose one that we would feel comfortable being a part of our children's lives (although he has no 'relationship' with DD now other than meeting her a couple of times, so very casual...we've decided it really is a future decision for DD to make). I don't know what we would have done if he had said no....

ETA: Love seeing all the photos of the kiddos :)

Here is DD on St. Patrick's Day..."Stop taking photos, Mama!"

[lemurmommies]

Wow, you guys really have been chatty queers so far this week!

Originally Posted by seraf 

QOTD: Did/do you play any sports?  Are there any sports you would strongly encourage or discourage your kids from playing?

I swam, did figure skating, and danced. And that was perfect for me - I was not interested in/good at team sports. So far, E has done gymnastics, played soccer (he is playing again this summer), and he takes dance classes too. He is not very gifted when it comes to physical ability.  Genetics plays a BIG part there - his donor is perhaps the least athletic man on the planet. But we'll encourage him to try whatever he might have an interest in. With the exception of ice hockey. Getting up at the crack of dawn to sit in a cold arena while my kid gets body-checked is not my idea of a good time.

Originally Posted by Kelmendi 

New QOTD: Those of you who have had or are planning to have more than one child -  How important was using the same donor to you?

I used to care. Now, not so much! We used a known donor with both E and Noelle, and I got pregnant on the first try both times. Since Noelle's stillbirth, we have tried 3 times with our donor, unsuccessfully. If we could find a known donor that was local to us, I would use him in a heartbeat. We haven't found anyone willing though, so we are stuck TTCing when we can get to LA or our donor can get here. Not very convenient!  We would really like to have another baby, though my return to full-time schooling (for one year) in September changes up our timing a bit.

Not much new with us this week. Got a new BBQ. Now if it would just stop raining in Southern Ontario we could actually use it! 

Anyone have any interesting plans for Mother's Day? E made a card at school, and it came home addressed to the both of us. Yay!    He's 4 and in JK, and his teacher complains about his penmanship. 

[cakahy]

So this seems like a kind of random chat thread, so I'm joining in . I haven't been posting much since re-joining MDC so yea...I am now (^_^)

Question for you ladies...
I know there's the whole joke about lesbians bringing a Uhaul to the second date...but how soon do you think is "too soon" to ask your girlfriend to live with you?
I'll explain my reasons for asking later, but right now I'd just love some thoughts Thanks ladies!!

[Monarchgrrl]

cakahy- DW and I officially moved in together after 4 months. Unofficially, I basically lived there on the weekends starting right away and during the week, around month 2. I definitely think the funny stereotype is true. I think as long as you both have the desire to live together, then nothing is really "too soon". :)

[starling&diesel]

Well, before I met DP, I was pretty strict about not moving in with someone before a year, which is why I only ended up living with my ex in my twenties.  But when I met DP, it was quite seriously true love at first sight, so we moved in after seeing each other three more times.  She lived in another city, so we had two weekends together, and a week's holiday, and then we both went home, packed up our stuff and moved to a new town together and moved in. Been awesome ever since!  

ETA:  I'm so happy that I didn't move in with any of the other contenders any earlier though!  It would've been a mess, which is what I saw happening with all the U-haul Happy Lesbians all throughout my twenties.  I was always so relieved to just break up and be done with it.  But then I'm a bit of a chronic breaker-upper.  When I'm done, I'm d.o.n.e.  I have no qualms about breaking up and then moving on.  I've never been a processor that way.  Must've been left out of my recruiting kit.  I got my toaster though!  

[starling&diesel]

lemur ... I meant to post that I love, love, love E's mothers' day card that he made for you.  It's awesome!  And great printing too!  

[prettyisa]

Hmmm...DP and I were Craigslist roommates, but we started dating about three weeks after I moved in (four after we met) and I dragged all my crap down the hall to her bedroom a week or so after that. I've always been a fast mover-inner, though, even when I was dating guys, so I don't know if I'm a good example. I say the earliest you think you know that you really like the person and don't think they're likely to destroy your stuff in the event of a breakup.

[KnittingTigers]

AOTD: I tend to move more slowly in this arena than others, but I've always been pretty into my "space." I'm not such a U-Hauler. That said, DP and I started dating when I was 3 months pregnant with DD, and he was defacto moved into my place by the time she was born. *However*, he had a cat, and I am terribly allergic, so for the entire first year of DD's life, he rented an apartment with a mutual friend of ours, and paid $500/month for what was, essentially, a room for the cat. I think he slept there all of two times. Right before DD turned one, we officially rented a new place together and shipped the cat off to my mom's house.

It's funny- in retrospect it seems so obvious to me that we should have just shacked up in the beginning. But I think I had to prove to myself that the relationship was solid, and that I wasn't rushing into anything.

And, the other AOTD- I'm not sure how tied I am to using the same donor for #2. DP and I weren't dating when I chose DD's donor, and I think that he would feel more connected to the process if he got to pick out the donor. And, DD (and her donor) is *really* tall, and DP is short. So, I think he's secretly hoping for a short kid next time. On the other hand, DD somehow looks a ton like both of us, and I *love* that. And, if one of them ever needs an organ or something, they're more likely to be a match. And, I think DD is perfect, so obviously I want to replicate in whatever way possible.:) All that said, I could go either way and be fine with it, I think.

[cakahy]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel 

When I'm done, I'm d.o.n.e.  I have no qualms about breaking up and then moving on.  I've never been a processor that way.  Must've been left out of my recruiting kit.  I got my toaster though!  

I understand what you mean, I do that too. The good thing is that I usually figure out very early on if I don't want to be with the person...
With the girl I'm seeing now, I've been wanting to date her for a year, but I was with someone and now we've been seeing each other about a month. I was thinking if things are going well I may ask her to move in with me closer to September. She gets her dorm paid for free by her scholarship so she'd always have another place to go if she wanted to...but she could still be basically living with me. Oh I don't know, that's still a long ways away. But usually I don't like living with people so the fact that I'm even *considering* her moving in with me means she's something special.