or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Chatty Queers Unite!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Chatty Queers Unite! - Page 8

post #141 of 342
This is awesome! i was wanting a thread like this because despite being called Queer Parenting, it's mostly TTC and pregnancy around here. I'm going to answer a few of the QOTDs and then I'm going to figure out how to get pics of my kids up. Not necessarily in order:

QOTD (Donor): it was important to us to use the same donor for both kids. We have a terrific KD who is involved in our kids lives and we didn't want DS to have something that DD didn't. We wanted to keep things equal between them. It took me 8 tries to get pregnant with DS and luckily DW got pregnant on the first try with DD. So it worked out, we didn't have to change our plan and our kids have the same donor.

QOTD (how did we meet): in college, a long, long time ago. We were roommates before we got together so we've lived together the entire time.

QOTD (sports): so not sporty here. I ride my bike to commute home from work. The kids will have to get sporty stuff from someone else.

QOTD (fun): I think spending time together is the most fun for us. We bop around town on the bus, go to festivals, spend time with friends. DS is a bit socially challenged, which is fine, but it keeps us from going to story times and stuff. We're going to try our first camping trip this summer. It's a pretty simple existence in our household. DW and I love to watch TV. I like to cook and bake. When the kids are bigger I'd like to refocus on writing bad fiction and knitting things shaped like long rectangles or baby hats.

QOTD (work): I'm the primary breadwinner in the family. DW does contract work but she's been off with DD and it looks like she probably won't pick up work until after DD turns one. I'm an RN so I do shift work, making me able to be home 4 days out of 7, so I feel like a full-time parent as well. When DW has a client we schedule swap. DS and DD have never been in day care and we're not sending them to school, so this is how it's going to be for a while.
Edited by Disco Infiltrator - 5/15/11 at 10:47pm
post #142 of 342
I have to say that I think the queers make the cutest kids. Here are mine:

post #143 of 342

dp and i work full-time.  she's in architecture and i'm in IT.  we usually work 40hrs per week but given our professions, there is always the likelihood of having to work (unpaid) OT.  ds1 and ds2 are in my company daycare which is downstairs in the lobby.  ds1 started there at 8 weeks old; ds2 at 3 months old.


fun stuff - we do local festivals during the year, music events if they are kid-friendly, go to local parks and the zoo, bowling (kids bowl for free program is great!!), playdates, etc..  we signed ds1 up for tiny t-ball this summer.



post #144 of 342
Originally Posted by indigoscot View Post

(kids bowl for free program is great!!)


We can't wait to try this!
post #145 of 342

QOTD (sports):  I played some sports as a kid but would now classify myself as “active” versus sporty.  I would take a walk in the woods or rock hopping over soccer any day.  

QOTD (fun):  We love good food so we spend a lot of time meeting up with friends and family at local eateries.  I also love to cook – when time allows.  We are both active people so we are happiest when outside biking, walking, hiking, etc.  The ocean is our favorite playground so, even though we live in a land-locked city, we get to the beach whenever possible.  We are also big fans of art museums and outdoor festivals. Oh - and travel - we definitely travel any chance we get.

QOTD (work): We both work full-time.  I work in financial services and DW is an event planner.  Our current game plan is to leverage the child care available through DW’s employer.  It makes us both a lot more comfortable knowing that she is right there and can drop in occasionally.  That said, we are both open to the idea scaling back life to allow for one of us to be a SAHM.

post #146 of 342

I have to agree! Yours are super cute! Nice to hear an update from you...

post #147 of 342

Q about work-life balance: 

That's been a tricky one around here. I'm a professor and DW is a principal (I'm in education, too, so it's a crazy education house here!). DW officially started a new principalship last July 1, and DD was born July 4. Luckily, since it was summer, starting was really just a formality. But, she was working a good deal by mid-August and full time by the end of August. My schedule is much more flexible, and until September I don't work full time. I've been home some with DD, and we've had an old friend doing in-home care for us, too. DD started at the same family daycare that DS went to in January and now goes there two days a week. It is the epitome of family, and I can't think of a place where she'd be more loved, cuddled, adored, and taken care of. I do truly love and trust the days that she is there, which is a terrific feeling. All that being said, though our care is great (DS is at a great little crunchy school), there are days I'd like to just have one of us home. Or one each of us home part time. In our work, though, that's hard to manage, and we do both truly love our work (DW's job that she started right before DD was born is her "dream" principalship). So, we are beyond lucky on that front. I think that, when work must be (or is chosen to be) part of the equation, it's so important for your kiddos to know that you love what you do, to hear about it, including the frustrations, and to have a sense of the role that the work plays in the whole balancing challenge that is a family.

post #148 of 342
Thread Starter 

Disco: That bottom right picture is my favorite (the sun shadows are great). What adorable kiddos you have! 

post #149 of 342
Thanks Sara - I think they're pretty cute but I'm their mom, it's my job smile.gif
post #150 of 342
Thread Starter 
Disco: it is your job to think that, but its not mine and I find them, and all the other queer babies on here, to be extremely cute!
post #151 of 342

Sara:  I wholeheartedly second that assessment! There are some gorgeous kids on this thread. Can't wait to add to the mix!

post #152 of 342
love.gif thank you!
post #153 of 342

I agree, queers make amazingly cute kiddos!!


QOTD--work.  DW is full time + and I have been 20 hours a week (roughly) since DS's birth (he's 13 months).  But, we've found that b/c of our schedules we average about 1 day off together, as a family, every 3-4 weeks.  We've decided that I will be SAHM with some short term work here and again (while we have littles--so probably for the next 5 or 6 years) b/c my DW's income can support all of us.  That said, DW is changing jobs to allow for more flexibility and time off and we're moving to make this change!  So big doings in our house in the next month!  


I'm very nervous of giving up my very public, and affirming, job.  I love what I do, I'm good at it, and I am nervous about being "just" a mom (quotes, because that's my internal voice of doubt and the voice I'm hearing from colleagues).  I told DW that in 5-6 years I want to be more employable, not less, so I will be doing some short term and continuing education.  


But, we have decided that this is what's best for our family--for now.  Things may change and we plan on being open to changing our minds at any given point on this journey!

post #154 of 342

oh wow, it makes me tear up looking at all of the adorable little wee ones you gals have.  i hope we'll be able to add our own proud-mama pictures someday....


i'm way behind on the QsOTD but i'll try to catch up:


(Donor):  initially, we absolutely wanted to have the same donor for all future children.  however, our only access to "baby juice" is through fresh donors, and it took us almost a year just to find one who was acceptable (i.e. not demanding sex or partial custody or insems at some seedy hotel in the suburbs of Paris).  we've since dialed back our expectations.  now we have two donors, and we're not bothered about who gets pregnant by whom.  they will be our children, and we will be a family.....that's all that matters in the end.


(how we met): online when I was living in Barcelona.  she drove 11 hours to meet me the first time, and we've been together ever since.

(sports):  i was the quintessential baby dyke.... as a young'en i played basketball, baseball, softball, field hockey and was even the first girl to ever try out and make my high school's football team. in college i played rugby, but after a bad tackle left me with a plate and screws in my leg, i basically gave up team sports.  these days i prefer more solitary physical activity like swimming and walking.  now if only i had my own pool (having to vie for swimspace in overcrowded paris pools is just not my cup of tea).

(fun):  we are both artists, so we enjoy things like drawing, painting, taking photos and making collages and mosaics.  DP is also a fab cook and domestic goddess.  right now we have wild strawberries, tomatoes, various herbs and flowers growing on our little balcony thanks to her mad skills.  i'm a rather voracious reader and an occassional writer.  we both love traveling and usually spend at least a month abroad each year. we also both love walking, so when DP's knee isn't acting up, we wander around the different areas of Paris taking in the sights, sounds and flavors of the city.


(work): DP works in a very steady office job.  she's been there for 10 years, and although the pay isn't spectacular, the benefits are (or at least they are for someone like me who grew up in the States).  because of her job, we pay half what we normally would for rent, and we'll have access to things like extremely cheap child care and/or babysitting.  she gets every other friday off in addition to 5-6 weeks of annual leave, and if we have children, she can choose to work less and still get most of her pay.  she doesn't love her job, but i think she's very happy having something comfortable and stable.  afm, i've been teaching English for about 15 years and have been lucky enough to get a permanent contract in an art/film school here.  i mostly love my work, as it allows me to combine my love of art/creativity and my love of language.   like DP, i will automatically get 3 months of paid maternity leave, and if there are any problems with the pregnancy (severe morning sickness included) or problems after giving birth, that can be extended for as long as needed.  i really dig the system here when it comes to the work/family balance..... i just hope we actually get to take advantage of it eventually!

post #155 of 342
Queer kids are the cutest!!!!

Sooo I just want to say thank god for safe, sturdy properly installed car seats.....I was in a pretty bad accident ,this afternoon....probally totalling my yaris:'( I hit my head hard wearing a seat belt.....but I had three kids in backseat, luckily all safe and secure in the sunshine kids Radian's.....not one of the kids got a mark, a bump....they barely knew we were hit......I am ok...and just be sure your babies are buckled securely !!!!! Both in the seat and that the seats are installed right!!!!!!_
post #156 of 342

Cananny - I'm glad you are all okay! That must be soooo scary, I hope I am never in that position. That being said, it's good to know that the carseats are so effective at keeping the LOs safe and sound.  Kinda makes me wanna sit in the back in a car seat too! And also, poor yaris! I am weirdly attached to my car (we call him Enrique) so I hope for the best for you!

post #157 of 342
Originally Posted by wishin'&hopin' View Post

I'm very nervous of giving up my very public, and affirming, job.  I love what I do, I'm good at it, and I am nervous about being "just" a mom (quotes, because that's my internal voice of doubt and the voice I'm hearing from colleagues).  I told DW that in 5-6 years I want to be more employable, not less, so I will be doing some short term and continuing education.  

Okay, anyone who places "just" in front of mom has never had kids. It's a crazy hard job. I saw a bumper sticker recently that said "you don't work full-time until you're a mother". No. Kidding. We're raising the future here, there is no "just" about it whatsoever.

DW has been at home for maybe a year now and it's hard. She really misses the social part of having a job, although her job doesn't have co-workers like mine, and she misses the escape. I think keeping yourself involved professionally is really important for one's sanity. We're quite involved in the AP group in our area which means a lot of SAHM and this is a struggle I see over and over. We sacrifice for our kids and the one thing most often sacrificed is our careers. My dream is that the workplace would offer jobs made to fit the lifestyle of a parent, making it possible to be a professional and a parent at the same time.
post #158 of 342

Oh, I have missed a lot of QOTD!


(job) As it says in my signature, I'm a midwife. DP works with foster kids transitioning to independent living. At this point, I'm planning to be the (first) bio-mom and DP will go second. The hard part is that I make more money (more than double) but don't think I'll want to continue working there once we have a baby. We have lived on much much less, but I'm not sure how that will all work out. We're trying to save money now, and I keep thinking of the failed TTC attempts as more time for savings and weight-loss, lol. I will get 8 wks paid maternity leave (which is an AMAZING gift, I know) and then probably go back to work part-time, bringing the baby to work. I have a job at the birth center (aside from attending births) where I do marketing, web-site maintenance, and IUIs and fertility counseling). So I'll be able to bring the baby to work until about 4 months, and I'm hoping by then I'll know if I actually want to be on call for births while being a mama.


(donor) Our donor has agreed to do it more than once, but at this point trying to pregnant with the first baby, we'll see. I'd love our children to know their donor(s), mainly because I grew up not knowing my dad at all and for me, it felt like something was missing. Of course, a lot of that is my personal experience an the fact that my parents were estranged and my mom wouldn't even really talk about my dad. I wonder if it would have been different if it was an open topic? Who knows. In any case, our ideal is a known donor but definitely not a deal-breaker. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of anyone but my DP and I determining the size of our family, so I am very clear that if at any point things didn't work out with KD that we would switch to anonymous (or another KD, but we don't really have a back-up person).


Originally Posted by Disco Infiltrator View Post

Originally Posted by wishin'&hopin' View Post

I'm very nervous of giving up my very public, and affirming, job.  I love what I do, I'm good at it, and I am nervous about being "just" a mom (quotes, because that's my internal voice of doubt and the voice I'm hearing from colleagues).  I told DW that in 5-6 years I want to be more employable, not less, so I will be doing some short term and continuing education.  

Okay, anyone who places "just" in front of mom has never had kids. It's a crazy hard job. I saw a bumper sticker recently that said "you don't work full-time until you're a mother". No. Kidding. We're raising the future here, there is no "just" about it whatsoever.


I wonder about whether I will want to "just" be a mom too. Not because I don't think it's a hard job, and I know it will be so much harder than I can even wrap my mind around. I just am not sure if it will meet the same needs met by my career. Only time (and the wallet) will tell! biggrinbounce.gif

post #159 of 342

Oh, speaking of KDs! Had a funny story for you ladies! My DPs father-- a kind and generous man who officiated at our wedding last summer-- offered to be our KD! It was so sweet, but made us so uncomfortable to think about!! Wish we had a brother or a cousin who would have offered that, but it's just not going to happen.


So, in honor of that, I give you a new QOTD! Did anyone inappropriate offer to be you KD? Or, what's the craziest question you've gotten about your family structure/building? My favorite are the people who ask if we're going to have sex with the KD. I know that not everyone is monogamous, but still inappropriate to ask!!

post #160 of 342
QOTD--yesterday DP told me that her coworker's boyfriend offered to step in and donate for us 'whenever we get tired of paying for it.' It's actually pretty sweet--he wants to have kids but this girlfriend (who we tease for being kind of a cougar) already has three grown boys and isn't interested in more. But what's funny about it is that he is this HUGE, super-fit, 6'5" black man. Which covers exactly none of our donor checklist. I kind of want to tell him to go be an anonymous donor--I know there are people out there who would KILL to have kids with his characteristics. Just not us. In any case it was way less creepy than the guys who asked if I would sleep with DP's brother (and when I said no told me that it would be more fun that way).

Ca Nanny--I'm so sorry to hear about your accident! I'm glad the kids are all ok, but I'm so sorry about your back! I hope you feel better very soon!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Queer Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Chatty Queers Unite!