Chatty Queers Unite! - Page 2

[DesertSunsets]

Hey all! 

This is an cool thread; it'll be interesting to see how much it cuts down on the post counts in other threads.  

I'm loving seeing the photos of everyone's families!  

Funny queer story from pretty recently: We plan on using a freestanding birth center for the birth of our (eventual) children, and since we're starting TTC this summer I figured we could go to the birth center and get a tour and some info.  The class thing they offer is called Childbirth Choices.  Anyway, so I called up to register for this class.  The receptionist asked if we are patients there, which we are because they do our "Well-woman" annual exams there - so I said, "Yes, my partner and I are both gynecological patients there."  She took my name and info, then said, "Okay, and what is your husband's name?" I paused.  "My WIFE's name is Teri, actually.  And we have the same last name."  She goes, "Oh, I'm sorry about that."  Haha, about which part?  The part where you didn't listen to me or the part where you assumed I had a husband?  I mean come on.  I told you I had a partner AND I told you we were both GYN patients.  I don't know many men who receive yearly PAP smears, but hey, what do I know.  

Also, we just had two new foster children placed with us on Monday night!  We haven't been foster parents very long, and have only taken babies before now so a sibling group (3 year old and 8 month old) is very new to us.  Things are crazy!  It's difficult for us; I can't even imagine being those kids, having to move in with total strangers and just be fine with it.  If everyone would consider sending some healing thoughts the way of our two newest little ones, we would appreciate it.  

Hoping you all are well.  Goodnight, queer family.

[Cananny]

I scored a 45.. and live in Oakland..I think being a nanny I have seen to many kids who are a bit hard to handle and who are never told the word NO that I am pretty clear on what I dont want to do as a parent! I am pro breast feeding and doing things as natural as possible without being to overly worried about it ( like DP and i agree CD at home, and Biodegradable diapers on the go)  but this is all being said before we have said baby!! Both of our bosses ( we are nannies) say they can not wait to see how it all changes when the child ( ren) are our own..  :) 

Music

for me.from childhood.... anything Madonna, M Jackson, New Kids, Bob Marley, Rem, Tiffany, depeche mode

now I listen to most anything, love sarah mclaughlin, tori, lady gaga, just to name a very few of my current play list

Today we casually mentioned children to my mother and her reply to was.. where are u getting this child from? sigh my mother is still in a bit of denial ( 11 years later) . 

hope you are all well

vacation is coming to an end :( but excited to see the puppies

question for everyone

how many animals you have? what kind are they part of the family? their names?

AFM

2 dogs Scouty cocoa puffs.. who is 2.5 yrs old chi/pom mix and Shelby Lynn is a chi/weiner mix who is 6 months old ball of energy! and the quirky cat Pip who is 4 and loves water from the kitchen sink!!!

[carmen358]

I scored 127 on the crunchy quiz. I'd like to be crunchier I think. In some ways, anyway.

I had one co-worker ask me if I was "ok with it" when she found out I was pregnant. I'm not really sure what she was getting at but I answered that "yes, I was thrilled." Another co-worker also asked me if I went out and had a one night stand. Ummm yeah, that's what I did. And I thought this woman was "worldly."

Lennon is gorgeous! And Osha has such beautiful, long hair. My little one is still lacking in the hair department but little curls are coming in which thrills me because I have REALLY straight hair and I was hoping she'd have curls :)

Here is DD learning how to use the potty...it hasn't completely caught on yet. Note that she did take her socks off and is still holding one.

[seraf]

AmandaHope, my midwestern children weaned at 4 and 3.25.  It's certainly different, but here people just don't talk about all the things they do.  Like, I found out at work that more than half my co-workers co-sleep, even with much older kids.

Desert, holy wow on 2 new kids.  Good luck with that and yeah, I hope they aren't heartbroken or at least make it through.

CaNanny, I really don't think the word No is the be all and end all of discipline.  Honestly I think discipline can go very well without the word.  I would be happy to elaborate if you would like to know more, but many well behaved, well adjusted children glide through the world without being told no at every turn.  I personally only resort to the word when I'm feeling very short and uncreative, which has nothing to do with the behavior of my kids.  I mean, no one tells me "no," I hear real answers, which is only respectful and what my children usually hear as well.  In Japan, I hear, they don't even have a word for "no" but their children seem to survive.

Carmen, that picture is adorable.  

On pets, we have a shih tzu named Orville and a tiny turtle called Tortuga.

[AmandaHope]

Good to hear, Seraf.  And even in Berkeley, DD only nursed in the morning and at night (ie, at home) for the last few years, so I can definitely see keeping that up, if this little one wants to nurse for that long. I hope so! 

As for pets, we have a 5-yr-old shepherd/hound mix named Annie and a 15-year-old cat named Djuna.  The cat isn't doing well, and we're not sure if she'll last until the babe is born this summer.  In a certain, sheepish, way, I'd be relieved if she passed away peacefully before then, since her ill health can cause a lot of trouble and mess that I know I'll have little patience for once the babe arrives. But my DP is super attached to her, so I'm also dreading the inevitable end.  I just hope it doesn't come right around when the babe comes!  UGH. 

Off to the Shed Aquarium with friends for the day. 

[seraf]

AmandaHope, I forgot to mention, last time I checked, in Ohio the law said it's ok for a child to nurse any place it's legal for the mother to be.  I almost got kicked out of a library for nursing Ari in the children's section when she was under 3 months old.  I argued with the security guy and then we agreed that his supervisor was the one to talk to.  We left before he got back.  He actually ran down the sidewalk to catch me and tell me that I was welcome to nurse anywhere in the library.  On the other side of it, when Ari was 28 months we missed our flight home from Little Rock.  The next flight was cancelled due to weather and we had been sitting in the airport for several hours.  I was sitting on the floor nursing Ari, she fell asleep and a flight attendant walked up and stopped in front of me, "Excuse me, is she breastfeeding?"  I almost started crying and said, "Please don't kick me out."  She had no intention of kicking us out, she was so happy to see it because she was still nursing her 15 month old and didn't know anyone who nursed past infancy.  I told her to come to Mothering for some virtual support.  So it really can go any way, randomly.  I always smile when I see nursing happen, because I know what kind of looks they get from the occasional grumpy on-looker.

[lemurmommies]

Hi there!

I haven't posted in the Queer Parenting section in an age. Nice to see this thread up and running! After losing our daughter, we weren't TTCing nor pregnant anymore, and I didn't know what to talk about with everyone. But a chat thread will be great!

Love seeing the pictures of everyone's adorable kids. Our E is 4 now. 4. Where in the world did the time go?? Here's a picture of him from today, reading to our two cats. 

Took the crunchy quiz, and scored 100. Not too surprised, since we did cloth diaper and try to eat healthy, but I was unsuccessful at BFing E due to a breast reduction when I was 17.

Looking forward to chatting some more with all of you.

Oh, and s&d, congrats on the new pregnancy!

[starling&diesel]

Oh, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, lemurmommies!  I've been thinking about you a lot since getting pregnant this time and what you must've gone through with your loss, especially dealing with the tragedy while also being mamas to a toddling E.  I can't imagine how hard it must've been to bring your hearts out of the dark.  I hope you and your partner are healing as well as can be expected.  Even with this much time having passed, I imagine it would still be very hard.

I was dubious about this chat thread, but if it brings back the likes of you to the forums, then bring it on!  I was trying to remember your user names but could only think of your wife's, but for the life of me could not remember how to spell it!

As for using "no," we love alternatives at our house too.  We try to steer away from it, so that when we do use it on the rare occasion, it holds some weight.

As for pets, we have an 8 lb cockapoo and a 13 lb orange cat.  I'm not used to such a small dog after three decades of having big galufes of mutts in the past.  She needed rescuing though, and so be it.  She's more like an animated stuffed animal!  Good thing she's tough and fun and great with kids.  So's the cat!  E puts him into a cardboard box, tucks in his head and tail and then 'drives' him around the house making train noises, and then she hauls him out and dresses him up in her clothes, all the while he's purring and loving the attention.  Thank goodess! 

As for music, I came out to the album Solace by Sara Machlachlan, all the good old stuff from Ani, REM, The Smiths, Michelle Shocked (*sigh*) The Pogues, Spirit of the West (them especially) ... and Frank.  Anyone remember her? 

[gumshoegirl007]

There sure are a lot of chatty queers on here!

As for the crunchiness quiz, I scored a 109.  I think I had granola pretty much covered in infancy, but didn't fare so well as the child ages.  For example, while I really like the concept of homeschooling, I am so not cut out to execute it.  I would be an awful parent if I also had to be our kids' academic teachers as well.  I do not have sufficient patience to be a homeschool mama. 

I also like shoes.  A lot.  As a good lesbian, I own a pair of requisite birks.  I also have flip flops, rain boots, winter boots, dress shoes, dress sandals, heels, boots with heels....suffice it to say, I've got a lot of shoes (and conveniently I'm able to justifying even more pairs of shoes than one should ever need because DW and I have the same shoe size ).

As for pets, we have none right now.  Our dear pooch Gus died very unexpectedly in February.  We still have his leash and collar by the door and his cookies on the counter.  I miss my furry four-legged friend so very much.  If we are going to get another dog, he's going to have to be special and I don't think we'll seriously consider anything until August/September.

Carmen - I love your daughter's use of the potty.  It's a foot bath or mini swimming pool!

Songs that take me back to childhood...anything by Raffi or Sharon, Lois and Bram.  Ohhhh, how could we forget Kids Incorporated on Saturday mornings or the MiniPops!!! 

Now, if we're talking teen years, I was more into people/bands like Sarah McLachlan, Tori Amos, Depeche Mode, Weezer, Nirvana, Metallica, Tragically Hip, etc.  My musical tastes are quite broad. 

I came out to Ani (who didn't?) and then listened to all of the lesbian classics.  Now I'm more into CBC and bands like The National, Radiohead, Tegan and Sara, Death Cab for Cutie, Stars and Vampire Weekend. This is also combined with an overly health dose of top 40 as I do live in a house with two teenagers and I'm likely to be overpowered by Lady Gaga or the Black Eyed Peas.

[lemurmommies]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel 

Oh, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, lemurmommies!  I've been thinking about you a lot since getting pregnant this time and what you must've gone through with your loss, especially dealing with the tragedy while also being mamas to a toddling E.  I can't imagine how hard it must've been to bring your hearts out of the dark.  I hope you and your partner are healing as well as can be expected.  Even with this much time having passed, I imagine it would still be very hard.

I was dubious about this chat thread, but if it brings back the likes of you to the forums, then bring it on!  I was trying to remember your user names but could only think of your wife's, but for the life of me could not remember how to spell it!

...

As for music, I came out to the album Solace by Sara Machlachlan, all the good old stuff from Ani, REM, The Smiths, Michelle Shocked (*sigh*) The Pogues, Spirit of the West (them especially) ... and Frank.  Anyone remember her? 

Well, here I am!  I have been hanging out on a chat thread over on Diaperswappers for 2+ years now, but I miss my queers. It's nice to have a place where I feel like I can chat with you all again.

Yes, it has been hard. We have TTC on three separate occasions since Noelle's birth, and none have been successful. The plan was to try again this June, but I just found out that I was accepted to OISE to do my BEd in the fall (after 8 years of being out of school!), so we are putting TTC off again. Perhaps indefinitely, but at the very least until this December. I am not 100% sure to say that we're done-done with having bio babies, but I think that the time for us is coming to a close. 

A big "heck yes" to all your music choices. I think I have a Phranc CD in my car at the moment. 

Originally Posted by gumshoegirl007 

There sure are a lot of chatty queers on here!

As for the crunchiness quiz, I scored a 109.  I think I had granola pretty much covered in infancy, but didn't fare so well as the child ages.  For example, while I really like the concept of homeschooling, I am so not cut out to execute it.  I would be an awful parent if I also had to be our kids' academic teachers as well.  I do not have sufficient patience to be a homeschool mama. 

I also like shoes.  A lot.  As a good lesbian, I own a pair of requisite birks.  I also have flip flops, rain boots, winter boots, dress shoes, dress sandals, heels, boots with heels....suffice it to say, I've got a lot of shoes (and conveniently I'm able to justifying even more pairs of shoes than one should ever need because DW and I have the same shoe size ).

And there seems to be a particularly large amount of chatty Canadian queers!

I hear you on the love of shoes. I love shoes too. A whole, whole lot. Sadly, Ru and I do NOT wear the same shoe size, so our front hall is constantly overflowing with footwear. There are worse things, I suppose!

[MujerMamaMismo]

Wow! Hello to all the old Queers...so good to see you. And hi to all the new (for me) faces too. I've popped in and out of Queer Parenting since DS was born - we had another TTC attempt last year which brought me back here like a fairweather friend but after we decided we still weren't ready for another I disappeared again. I think we're about to jump back on the TTC train so I'm back!

I scored 142 on the crunchy test - not a massive surprise. We have a still nursing 28mth old who has just left our bed to sleep in his own bed in his own room at his request!!!! And I cannot tell you how fabulous it is to have our room back...to be able to read...and talk....and have sex in our own room! I may lose some crunchy points with the next babe because I'm not sure if I have it in me to co-sleep beyond infancy again. I do love having my boy in my bed but our sleep and our relationship definitely did suffer - especially after I moved to the guest room in order to curb 20mths of feeding hourly through the night! Time will tell. I'm a big believer that if it's not a problem for you, then it's not a problem...so maybe next time will be different.

And music - I too came out to Ani - I think it was around Dilate too but I was totally obsessed with her for many years. I never stopped loving her but eventually I was able to contemplate other musical love and it all toned down on the Ani front. I've been revisiting her a lot lately and I'm really enjoying it. S & D Congrats on your very exciting news!! I loved Phranc - Bulldagger Swagger was definitely on my coming out soundtrack...and I don't have an ounce of swagger about me! And REM were my teen obsession. Michael Stipe was the only crush I ever had on a boy - shoulda known, huh!?! I still have a crush on him but my boy crush has also expanded to include Michael Franti now. These days I'm particularly into alt. country - like The Be Good Tanyas, Neko Case, Gillian Welsh. I also adore Martha Wainwright and Joan as Policewoman. But my taste really is pretty broad. And not as current as it was prior to the birth of a certain little person!

So, with TTC #2 imminent, I suspect I'll be hanging out here a lot again so I love the idea of this thread as a means of getting to know y'all again...
Edited by MujerMamaMismo - 4/16/11 at 4:09pm

[starling&diesel]

And hello again to you too, MMM!  So nice to see you here!  Okay, now I'm a convert to the general chat thread.  Let's bring back all the old folks from the days gone by! 

[whoabethy]

hi ladies! i scored a 114.  planned a homebirth ended up with c-section due to premature rupture of membranes at 35 weeks.  wanted to EBF but ended up with insufficient glandular tissue.  sometimes there are physical limitations to even the crunchiest of intentions!

as for queer stories...DD was hospitalized and a nurse checking us in asked:

"who's the mom?"

"we both are."

"well, who's the REAL mom."

"do you mean who gave birth?"

"yes."

"okay, i gave birth."

"well...do you know who the father is?"

nope! i just sleep around with a lot of random men all the time, because that's what dykes do.  needless to say., i reported her to the nursing administrator of the hospital.  ridiculous!

as for music, nothing interesting.  just like everyone else: ani.  coming out in reno, nv just finding ani seems like a small miracle in my life. 

we're planning a move to oregon this summer and i think it will be a great change of pace for us.  we've been bathing DD in the kitchen sink this whole time and i'd like a bathtub.  the nice part about living in nyc apartments is that our standards are so low we can live on the cheap without feeling like it's much of a loss.

here's our family on halloween. i'm the strongman, DP the tattooed lady, DD the lion tamer and maggie the lion!

Edited by whoabethy - 4/16/11 at 7:13pm

[smilingsara]

I didnt really come out to music. I think at the time I came out (please don't laugh, I'm young) I was listening to early 2000's top 40, some Pink Floyd and Phish and such. I don't recall (bad music I'm sure). I got into Tegan and Sara in college, about 5 years ago now. I love them, and Vampire Weekend, Phoenix, Two Door Cinema. Sara likes country, so now when I can recognize a song I know, I'll announce that to her, I'm slowing starting to enjoy it. I like Sugarland (I don't remember if thats the right band or not). 

Hi to all of the new/old girls! Nice to see some new faces!

QOTD: What's the worst date you've ever been on? 

I think my worst date was with the first girl I dated in college. She brought her roommate of the time with her and it was awkward as hell. We did end up dating for a year though. 

[erthe_mama]

Originally Posted by DesertSunsets   I don't know many men who receive yearly PAP smears, but hey, what do I know. 

I do! But I know more than my quota of trans guys. lol Plus I doubt that's what she had in mind.

Originally Posted by carmen358 

I had one co-worker ask me if I was "ok with it" when she found out I was pregnant. I'm not really sure what she was getting at but I answered that "yes, I was thrilled."

DP had the same question at work... SO weird.

QOTD: What's the worst date you've ever been on?

I don't think I've ever really been on any bad dates... just really mediocre ones at worst.

I scored 195 on the crunchy quiz. Not really that shocking. DP and I get told by friends all the time about how crunchy we are. Hehe. I made my own pads, and I've tried making cloth diapers before, but sucked at it. I plan to try again. Plus we EC part time. Also, our baby is mostly fed breastmilk, but a lot of it comes from donors, and we feed it to via a homemade SNS. And we homeschool our eight-year-old. And our Birkies are our favourite shoes. And we plan a UC for our next birth. And so on and so forth. lol

I'm super thrilled right now because our two daddy friends just had a baby! YAY! DP was over at their place yesterday helping birth daddy get set up with the SNS, and cooked them dinner and stuff. I'm going over today with our mutual doula to help drain the birth tub so I can bring it back home. I can't wait to see the little cutie again!! SQUEEEEE!

[lemurmommies]

Hi MMM! It's going to start feeling like old home week around here shortly! ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by whoabethy 

as for queer stories...DD was hospitalized and a nurse checking us in asked:

"who's the mom?"

"we both are."

"well, who's the REAL mom."

"do you mean who gave birth?"

"yes."

"okay, i gave birth."

"well...do you know who the father is?"

nope! i just sleep around with a lot of random men all the time, because that's what dykes do.  needless to say., i reported her to the nursing administrator of the hospital.  ridiculous!

Oh, heavens! Some people just have no clue! Glad you reported her!! When we were in the hospital having Noelle, the doctor was trying to get medical background that could help them determine what might have caused her death. The doctor, who was beyond nice, was asking us if we had a living child, to which we responded yes. Then he wanted to know if we had used the same donor with Noelle, to which we responded yes. Then he asked if we wanted him to inform the fertility clinic about Noelle's loss, and I had to explain that we had done our inseminations at home using fresh sperm. You should have seen the poor man's face! 

Originally Posted by smilingsara 

QOTD: What's the worst date you've ever been on? 

I think my worst date was with the first girl I dated in college. She brought her roommate of the time with her and it was awkward as hell. We did end up dating for a year though. 

I didn't date a whole lot, but I'd have to say my worst date occurred during my "Mormon phase." (What, you didn't have a Mormon phase?? ;) ) A guy asked me to go to a concert with him, and we drove to the States to see Sarah Harmer play. The concert was great, but the whole thing felt like a job interview and not a date. He never asked me out again. 

[2ezforyou]

I am sooooooo far behind!

Hmmm....I don't think I ever came "out" to any type of music. I've always loved all types of music, so I can't think of anything specific. I've never been much of a Sarah McL fan. (I know some of you might be gasping right now) I went to one of her concerts years and years ago, and almost fell asleep. Also know that I work in the music industry so I see a wide range of concerts. I think she's a wonderful songwriter who is very in tune with emotions. My whole coming out was very uneventful. Those who know me, know that I love everyone and I believe in putting no boundaries on love, so it really wasn't a shock when I said I was dating "XXXXX".

Now, bad dates - again, no real bad ones that I can think of. I do remember this one time at the girls bar in downtown Nashville, there was a woman who was SOOOOO persistent, I ended up hurting her feelings. It wasn't intentional, I promise. I had just broken up with my very first GF of 5 years, and this woman was there with a group of others I knew. She bought me a drink, which I thanked her for and explained it wasn't necessary. Then, she asked me out. I explained that I wasn't ready to date yet, was getting back out into the scene, blah, blah, blah. In her very persistent manner, she asked me out again 30 minutes later. I thanked her again and kindly said I wasn't ready. 2 hours and many drinks go by and she came up and asked me out AGAIN! Long story short, she proceeded to ask me out another 15 times that night. Finally, the conversation went like this:

Her: "So, you're not free next weekend, so how about the next week?

Me: "No thanks, I have plans."

Her: "Ok, so how about the weekend after that?"

Me: " I am out of town for work."

Her: "Ok, so what if we went out in three weeks."

Me: "I am sorry I am just not interested."

Her: "I guess you're busy then too. So when can we go out?"

Me: "Um, how about Sept?"

Her: "But it's only Feb."

Me: "Exactly."

The End.

Here's a pict of my Spiderman! (This was in Oct at DisneyWorld/Universal Studios. He had just met Spidey....and he lost his first two teeth the night before.)

[MujerMamaMismo]

Bad Dates - nope. I really don't think I ever dated anyone except for DP. Our first date was a little mortifying at the end when she tried to kiss me but I was so clueless that I turned my head and hugged her. 24 hours later we got it right and have been together for 10 years now - but she likes to remind me about that kiss at least once a year!

In terms of confronting, queer situations, we've rarely had them. DP was asked a couple of times when I was pregnant if it was planned and was she happy about it which were a bit irksome but fairly inane. Mostly though, the only situations we've had, multiple times, is people telling us that DS looks like DP and a few cute situations where people who haven't met DP (but know she's a she) absent mindedly ask if a feature or character trait of DS's is something he got from DP. I love it when that happens. I like that it really demonstrates how comfortable and accepting our community is of our family. I LOVE where we live!

[lemurmommies]

That's one super-cute Spiderman you have there 2ez!

Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo 

In terms of confronting, queer situations, we've rarely had them. DP was asked a couple of times when I was pregnant if it was planned and was she happy about it which were a bit irksome but fairly inane. Mostly though, the only situations we've had, multiple times, is people telling us that DS looks like DP and a few cute situations where people who haven't met DP (but know she's a she) absent mindedly ask if a feature or character trait of DS's is something he got from DP. I love it when that happens. I like that it really demonstrates how comfortable and accepting our community is of our family. I LOVE where we live!

This happens to us all the time too! People who don't know us well or have met us recently frequently asked who carried, strangers tell us how much DS looks like DP, and even DP's mom (who is not the most supportive of our family) asked us if we thought the red tint in E's hair came from their side of the family. Ummmm, nope! ;)

[smilingsara]

MujerMamaMismo and Lemur: Sounds like people are very supportive of your babies and DP's. I get once in a while is Ari is mine (I guess our dark hair makes us look a like. That's her and me in my picture). Its fun when people do that. Makes me smile.

Lemur: Cute little dude!

GumShoe: You have wonderful taste in music!

woahbethy: what a cute family and an adorable DD! So precious!

2ez: What a cutie patootie! 

Erthe: Glad you haven't been plagued with bad dates! 

How's everyone's weekends going?! Glad to see lots of people chatting up a storm!