Chatty Queers Unite! - Page 12

[indigoscot]

we had always planned to have three children, so there wasn't so much agonizing over #2 but when we would start trying for #2.  i carried ds1 - he is a mini-me in so many aspects - his looks, his hair, his mannerisms, his stubbornness, his intelligence - but definitely gets his out-going nature from our donor and dp's personality.  we did worry about several things though - would ds1 be ok in a big boy bed in his own room (he had been in a crib in the nursery prior to that but did co-sleep still when sick/scared)?  would we have to hold off on potty learning?  how would he act at daycare with the changes happening at home?  would ds2 be high needs?  would a 2.5 year age gap be ok?

in the end here's what happened:  ds1 had some definitely jealousy issues in the very beginning.  he really didn't talk to dp and got irritated when i couldn't do something with him because i was holding ds2 ("mum, give that <ds2 name> back to mommy").  i had to lay in his bed and read him to sleep for a few weeks (we stopped that before it got to be too much of a habit).  he did have some issues at daycare (not listening, temper tantrums) but nothing too serious.  we did end up holding off on potty learning but a couple of months later we initiated it and it went pretty smoothly.  one big surprise was how much he LOVED his big boy bed and room.  at that point he pretty much quit wanting to sleep in our bed.  ds2 is a very easy-going, low maintenance baby and that definitely helped. 

as disco said, perhaps the most wonderful aspect is how much ds2 adores his big brother.  he wants to do everything ds1 does.  having more than 1 child is very, very hard work....but so worth it!!!!!! :)

g

[Coco99]

Our girls are 4 months old today... I am amazed at how fast they are growing up...

[painefaria]

Coco - They are gorgeous! It is funny, I was just thinking about you and the girls and there they are.

[Coco99]

And congrats on your little one painefaria :):) I love the name you chose :):)

[painefaria]

Thanks Funny thing is his name wasn't even in the top 5

[lemurmommies]

I hope everyone's having a good Monday. For the first time in... I don't even know how long, it's sunny and warm here. Yay!
 

Originally Posted by Disco Infiltrator 

Regardless, the decision about having more than one kid is not up to the oldest, it's up to the parents and we have our reasons that often mean sacrificing the perfect world of the oldest.  They are also resilient and will survive the upheaval.  

Oh, I understand that it's certainly not DS's decision as to whether we have another child. In fact, I am sure that he would like being a big brother. It's more about whether *I* am resilient enough to survive the upheaval and deal with all the changes involved. When DS was still in the "baby" stage, another seemed like no big deal and an easy fit into our family. Now that we are definitely in the "child" phase, I am not sure if I can handle going back to parenting an infant. I feel like I go back and forth all the time.

Originally Posted by Coco99 

Our girls are 4 months old today... I am amazed at how fast they are growing up...

They are so adorable Coco!

[nosreves]

coco -- elles sont vraiment mimis!  (they're super cute!)  my DP (a froggie) and i watched some of the videos you have up.  her response (in addition to saying how cute the girls are) was "wow, that's a real *accent quebecois*!"  :)  it's definitely  different from the French i've learned here, but i like your accent a lot.  it must be amazing to watch two little one's grow and develop their individual personlities.  i look forward to seeing more pics and videos! 

painefaria -- huge CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of little Keegan!  i saw the photos over in Q&P and both he and Lennon are gorgeous.  i hope you're enjoying your babymoon!

 

[cresentmoon]

Lex: We sure miss you on your blog! Sounds like you never stop being amazing. Good luck.

[seraf]

Originally Posted by lemurmommies 

Oh, I understand that it's certainly not DS's decision as to whether we have another child. In fact, I am sure that he would like being a big brother. It's more about whether *I* am resilient enough to survive the upheaval and deal with all the changes involved. When DS was still in the "baby" stage, another seemed like no big deal and an easy fit into our family. Now that we are definitely in the "child" phase, I am not sure if I can handle going back to parenting an infant. I feel like I go back and forth all the time.

I can never get this quote thing to work.  I always said I wouldn't have another once my kids were both sleeping through the night.  I guess that means it's convenient that my 5 year old sleeps for crap?  They certainly do get easier as they get older.

[lemurmommies]

Seraf, my son slept like crap for a looooooong time. He only started sleeping though the night some of the time when he turned 3, and pretty much every night when he turned 4. So you can understand my worry!

[seraf]

Lemur, I can totally understand your worry.  My kids were different as night and day.  They say the hardest is always last.  

[Disco Infiltrator]

Originally Posted by lemurmommies 

 Now that we are definitely in the "child" phase, I am not sure if I can handle going back to parenting an infant.

No kidding.  We often like to wonder why we went ahead and ruined the good thing we had going.  DS went to sleep on his own, slept all the way through the night, we were mostly rested and we destroyed it all.  WHY?????  Just like the first time around, we've somehow made and now we only have three months until DD is a year and not a baby anymore.  And we're really tired.  C'est la vie.  DD sleeps on our laps in the living room, we have no idea how we're going to transition her into our family bed.  I'm up with DS at 4 am because he's so chaotic now.  whine, whine, whine.  ::sigh::

[AmandaHope]

Originally Posted by Disco Infiltrator 

No kidding.  We often like to wonder why we went ahead and ruined the good thing we had going.  DS went to sleep on his own, slept all the way through the night, we were mostly rested and we destroyed it all.  WHY?????  Just like the first time around, we've somehow made and now we only have three months until DD is a year and not a baby anymore.  And we're really tired.  C'est la vie.  DD sleeps on our laps in the living room, we have no idea how we're going to transition her into our family bed.  I'm up with DS at 4 am because he's so chaotic now.  whine, whine, whine.  ::sigh::

Umm, tell me about it.  Our DD is nine!  She goes on sleepovers, nearly always sleeps through the night no problem (since about 2 yrs old), can make her own breakfast, etc.  In fact, I think it is precisely because she is getting so independent that it seems possible (to me, at least--DP still isn't so sure) to do all of the baby stuff over again. I've almost (but not quite) forgotten exactly how hard those early years are.  Not for long!  Baby's due August 3rd.  I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff--equal parts thrilled and terrified. 
 

[Monarchgrrl]

Wow this thread moves fast! It's great! We are pretty sure DD will be an only child. But...I can see us changing our minds when she's a bit older. DW is adamant about no more. The baby stage has been really hard for her and she's the SAHM, so she kinda has a big say in it. ;) There are so many reasons why an only child feels really right for us. But...I kinda want her to have a sibling, especially because I no longer have my sibling (KIA in Iraq) so I really feel that loss and don't want to deprive DD of that relationship. I'm just not sure we could do the baby stage again. We shall see...

Here's a pic of Sophia, finally eating something we found she likes...broccoli! We've tried lots of different things and so far broccoli is the winner.

   

And here she is rockin a little bed-head faux-hawk

[prettyisa]

Broccoli is awesome, but not as awesome as the faux-hawk pic. I think the muscle shirt really adds a nice finishing touch.

[justrose13]

monarch, we have that same tank onesie and our DS rocks the faux hawk as well! your DD is ADORABLE! too cute with the broccoli!

[carmen358]

Uh oh, are we talking about sleep now?

DD still wakes up every hour most nights....if we didn't co-sleep and/or I was back at work already I think I would have run screaming from the house long ago ;) DP is REALLY worried about going through sleepless nights all over again with a newborn. I'm not as worried. DD was actually a great sleeper from about 2/3 - 7 months...then things just went really downhill.

Which brings me to a new question for everyone! We have finally decided to night wean (mostly because I go back to work July 4 and I NEED some sleep). We've been putting it off because I got sick, then we had company, etc. etc. I feel good about the decision to try....DP isn't so into it. I am hoping to do a dr. jay gordon (minus the last stage of refusing to pick up)/no cry sleep solution type process. For those of you who have night weaned...did you do it alone? Or did your partner help? DD is a maniac at night if she can't nurse and usually freaks out if DP tries to help comfort her (like when I've gotten up to go to the bathroom....god forbid!). I've posted on other forums and have gotten some good advice but I'm looking for more!

[starling&diesel]

NIghtweaning ... I lost my night-time nursing cool when dd was about 17 months old and I nearly drove the ambulance off the road due to lack of sleep.  I needed more sleep in order not to hurt myself or anyone else at work.  She was old enough to understand about "num-nums going night-night" and so when she woke up for them, I'd tell her that they were asleep, and that she could have them in the morning.  I also put on a shirt (I usually sleep naked so she had ready access).  This actually helped a lot.  DP also took over some of the night time comforting when dd would agree to it.  She was upset for a couple of nights, but after that, it's been okay.  We keep a glass of water beside the bed, and when she wakes up asking to nurse (STILL!  At a year later!) I offer her cuddles or water.  She usually has a sip of water and then goes back to sleep.  Good luck! 

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel 

NIghtweaning ... I lost my night-time nursing cool when dd was about 17 months old and I nearly drove the ambulance off the road due to lack of sleep.  I needed more sleep in order not to hurt muy  She was old enough to understand about "num-nums going night-night" and so when she woke up for them, I'd tell her that they were asleep, and that she could have them in the morning.  I also put on a shirt (I usually sleep naked so she had ready access).  This actually helped a lot.  DP also took over some of the night time comforting when dd would agree to it.  She was upset for a couple of nights, but after that, it's been okay.  We keep a glass of water beside the bed, and when she wakes up asking to nurse (STILL!  At a year later!) I offer her cuddles or water.  She usually has a sip of water and then goes back to sleep.  Good luck! 

Thanks! DD is just 17 months now....and I think she will definitely understand...liking it is another thing altogether! You make is sound so easy! I hope it is. DP and I finally had a good conversation about it tonight so I think we're on the same page.

[onemommyonemama]

carmen we also night weaned around 17 months.

We did the same thing. Explained that 'milky has gone nanight', that mama needs sleep. There was definately understanding there. Even though we haven't needed to say it for months now, we still here our DD whispering herself at night time 'no milky at nanight. milky sleeping'. I could tell she got it even when she didn't have the words to say so.

We co-sleep and continue to.  We started with a certain window of time (no milk from bed until 3am).

What happened is that nights 1-3 were extra challenging. She understood, but was sad and frustrated with trying to fall asleep. She would try a new position, get quiet, and then if it wasn't working start to cry again. We tried all kinds of ways to comfort her. The best for us was to keep her in bed - not to rock her or put her in a sling. Sometimes she wanted cuddling, and other times wanted nothing. We would sing a bit if it helped. Often it was best for our DD to hear us a little when she woke, give some loving snuggles, and then she would want to be alone to fall back asleep - it seemed like some of our efforts kept her more awake. We would fake sleep and try to relax, even if she was crying. We'd praise her trying, and just be creative. We were all there togehter, she would crawl and snuggle into us at different times. Often she fell asleep between us, head at our feet, sprawled out :) She did cry a lot. We were okay with this at this point for our DD because we were there, comforting her. She seemed to understand. She was learning and was sleeping better. We could see her learning to fall asleep without milk faster and faster. And she was happy and normal during the days.

By the end of the week she sleeping for 4-6 hours after going to bed. she definately would wake and fall back asleep without us noticing, because she moved around alot.

We had that window of until 3am - often for the first weeks she would still wake between 1 and 3am and have a much harder time gettign back. We were REALLY flexible with each other (DP and me). If one of us needed a break, if we needed sleep, or if we thought it was too much for her we would 'fake' morning time and just feed her at any time. This means we would say "DD is it morning time?"  she would cry YES! and then I would open the window curtains and fake that the sun was out and say "Yes, it is morning! It is time for milky!" (without her seeing it was still dark).

We did this at 3am each morning too. And then she was allowed to drink for the rest of the night.

As much as we could, in a healthy sane way - we kept moving the time later and later. Once she got through the 1-3am time without waking, she really had the ability to put herself back to sleep and started to sleep until 5 or 6am. We continue to say 'its morning, do you want milk?'.

anyways - from every hour to sleeping mostly until 5/6 took one month. It could be shorter or longer I think depending on how you and your DP feel in the process and how your DD is coping.

It was worth it, and we never felt like our DD was being ignored or pushed too hard. We do this process over again after illness (when we just feed on demand again) or big changes. She adjusts faster now.

oh yes. Sometimes we woudl take turns sleeping away from the family bed to get a really good sleep in the early weeks. Even if DD wasn't crying, she was moving around alot and it meant some really rough sleeps.