Stupid Comments/Questions in Public

[Thparkly]

I have generally not had to deal with people making stupid comments in public.  I didn't mind (very much) being asked things when I am due (until I reached my due date!).

Did I overreact to the following?

On my due date (two days ago) I ended up at the hospital for what turned out to be a false alarm. Absolutely exhausted and startving, I was craving french toast from my favorite breakfast place when we left the hospital.  As we went to get seated, the lady sitting next to us blurted out (smiling) "You're not going to go in to  LABOR on us, are you?" 

Without going in to detail, I had already had a pretty humiliating morning, and I really felt this was a stupid thing to say in the middle of a  crowded restaurant.  I was clearly exhausted and had not combed my hair yet that day.

Anyways, I didn't return the smile, and quietly informed her that no, I would not be, but I guess she thought it was funny because she started cackling.  But it was a very uncomfortable breakfast until they finally left about ten minutes later.

I felt a little like I overrreacted, and my husband kept telling me 'bubble of peace' (this is a hypnobabies cue LOL)...

I think that basically I am a grump right now and would like people to respect my privacy.  Am I unreasonable?  Or is that a pretty rude thing the lady said?

I am prettu sure this is nothing compared to what people could have said to me, but I have been station 0 for three weeks and am FED UP. LOL

[crazykittymomma]

You're totally entitled to feel that way! I know I did! Before my daughter was born I was walking every mall in the area constantly and people said the DUMBEST things.

[becca_howell]

I think it's a combination of nosy stranger and bad timing. Is it really going to inconvenience *her* if *you* go into labor? No, she is going to go about her day, and you may never see each other again. So why make a comment like that? It was probably elevated by the fact that you just came from a false alarm. I know it's frustrating. I had two false alarms with DD. Hang in there!

[tjjazzy]

with DS2, i had a waitress (i know her-she's extremely rude) at the restaurant my mom was working at call me a "beached whale" :( it was hurtful and rude!!

[javilu]

i would've been annoyed, too. so what if you DID "go into labor" there, anyway? i ate at denny's while in labor with my son and it was nobody's business but mine.

[Maurine]

I am glad you didn't return the smile!  No need to be cheery to people when they are being nosy/rude.  I wish I could be stronger, instead smiling and giving them a fake social laugh, like I often do.

[Full Heart]

When it comes to pg women people have no manners at all.  I have gotten that comment many times before.  You know, if they are gonna be rude to us and we are the ones who have to be uncomfortable and tired then we have the right to be just as rude back.  lol  What do they expect from us?  "Oh hahaha, yea I hope go into labor right here because everyone knows your baby falls right out of you the second you go into labor."  Truly, sometimes people have no thought processes (I myself am a week past my edd and VERY Grumpy, can you tell? lol)

[aeterna]

Originally Posted by Full Heart 

What do they expect from us?  "Oh hahaha, yea I hope go into labor right here because everyone knows your baby falls right out of you the second you go into labor."

ROFL! Stealing this one for later use. ;)

[happysmileylady]

Seriously, people are nuts.  I work at CVS and yesterday a VERY pregnant lady who was obviously very uncomfortable came in and asked if we sold stopwatches.  And I still knew better than to say anything other than "no, I am sorry we don't." and suggest she check at Lowes across the street. 

[Abraisme]

I had someone say to me in my last pregnancy, "you look like you're about to go any moment"!..  I was only 5 months pregnant!  Normally I'm not too offended by people's comments.  I know most people mean well, but really, some things are just plain stupid! 

I also had many, many people comment in my last pregnancy that since I was having a girl (and already had a boy) that my family must be done.  Things like, "oh how nice for your family, now you won't have to have any more babies"..  Yeah, that one ticked me off.  I would often respond that we plan on having at least 6 (not really true, but it shuts people up).

The all time most ridiculous thing that anyone ever yell (yeah, pretty much yell) at me in public was..  "Now you can get yur-self (yes, yur-self) an epidural"  Uhhhh..  What?  Like I got pregnant so that I could get an epidural, or did she dream of the day when she could numb up her body..  I was so confused.

[noahs.mom06]

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

I had someone say to me in my last pregnancy, "you look like you're about to go any moment"!..  I was only 5 months pregnant!  Normally I'm not too offended by people's comments.  I know most people mean well, but really, some things are just plain stupid! 

I've had two people in the past week ask me if I'd be having the baby soon (one lady actually asked if I was helping to move tables at church to try and get the baby out!). And one of them has been a L&D nurse for over 20 years! I was like, "No, it would probably be good if the baby stayed in for the 3 months until I'm due..."

To the OP- I'd be pissed too, but since I'm a smartass, I'd probably say "Yes, are you ready to catch?"

[tzs]

ugh!!!! i'm so with you.

in truth, the annoying and even the not-so-annoying comments from my 1st pregnancy left me pretty "traumatized." enough that i didn't want to be pregnant again for a long long time. labor, i could handle, people....not so much.

fast forward to today at 34 weeks or so and i am in such a pissy mood from being tired and exhausted and clothes not fitting that i feel like the next random person who dares say anything is going to get their head bitten off. like, don't even ask me when i'm due if you don't want me to tell you to f-off. 

just thinking about it is driving me nuts.

[Smokering]

Yes, that was definitely rude of her. Would've made me mad too.

I haven't gotten too many awful comments yet, but people are starting to make "any day now" comments - which annoys me, because I'm "only" 32 weeks pregnant and don't actually look that big! A lady at church today asked if I were due in the next two weeks - kindly meant, because she was going on holiday and wanted to wish me luck, and she's never had kids herself so I guess she can't be expected to be up on the size of a full-term pregnant woman - but still. I find size-related comments extremely personal for vaguely body-image-related reasons, so I wish people would just keep quiet!

[Baby_Cakes]

OP - Totally backing you up on this one!  What an awful timed comment from someone who could have just offered a nice smile and a "you look beautiful" or something to acknowledge your pregnancy.
 

Originally Posted by noahs.mom06 

To the OP- I'd be pissed too, but since I'm a smartass, I'd probably say "Yes, are you ready to catch?"

That's a good one!!

Originally Posted by Smokering 

Yes, that was definitely rude of her. Would've made me mad too.

I haven't gotten too many awful comments yet, but people are starting to make "any day now" comments - which annoys me, because I'm "only" 32 weeks pregnant and don't actually look that big! A lady at church today asked if I were due in the next two weeks - kindly meant, because she was going on holiday and wanted to wish me luck, and she's never had kids herself so I guess she can't be expected to be up on the size of a full-term pregnant woman - but still. I find size-related comments extremely personal for vaguely body-image-related reasons, so I wish people would just keep quiet!

I find that women who have never been pregnant themselves are often completely off when it comes to judging "how pregnant" someone else is. I'm only 23 weeks and at work this past weekend, one of the ladies I work with who I haven't seen for 2 weeks looked at me and said all loudly and rude, "What the hell happened to you!?!" I suppose b/c my belly grew.  I calmly, without missing a beat, said, "Well, about six months ago, my husband and I..." She looked mortified.  Ha!  I just couldn't believe anyone could be so up front and callous!

[averlee]

Yes, it was rude of her, absolutely. It is possible she was intending to be rude to you, and since she laughed, that seems possible.

But, it's also possible that she was trying to reach out to you, and was just really clumsy and bad at making human contact. Maybe you reminded her of herself. Maybe she had a tiny fantasy about getting to see your baby born.

Of course it's possible she was just a mean person, and she definitely should have been more sensitive. But I think people butt in to my pregnancy because they are interested and it stirs their emotions. Babies represent hope for the future of humanity, and people respond to pregnant women in unusual ways. 

I agree that rude jokes deserve rude joking comments. "Well my doctor suggested intercourse to help start labor, think we should give it a try now?"

[Mizelenius]

The truth is, NO ONE cares more about the pregnant woman than the pregnant woman herself.  NO ONE.  Strangers, friends, family, etc. may use it as an excuse just to make a comment, but usually it is not meant to be mean.  After the comment is made, they are not thinking about you.  They wanted to SHOW you they care (even if it is in a weird way), but really, they do not.

The pregnant woman may spend many hours, days, weeks, months, thinking about the fact that she is pregnant.  She may feel like everyone is always looking at her and thinking, "Oh, she is pregnant!"  But really, this is not true.  Again, only the pregnant woman is thinking this about herself.  The people out an about are thinking about their OWN lives.

So, when people say dumb things, remember-- they are just trying to connect to you, which is more than most people do in general, because we usually live in our own bubbles.  You will think about it, but trust me-- as soon as the words leave their mouths, they are back to thinking about themselves, NOT the fact that you are pregnant.  They don't really care (seriously) how many days, weeks, months you are.  They are not sitting and analyzing your size for more than half a second.  People are JUST trying to make conversation.  This is why not one comment can ever be taken personally.

[Marissamom]

I totally couldn't be around other people once I was past my due-date. I went into total hibernation mode. 

[Smokering]

Mizenelius: No doubt that's true, but how exactly does it make it better? At least if they actually cared they might be more likely to bring around a casserole after the birth. :p Making pregnancy comments for the sake of conversational white noise is usually just obnoxious (along the same line as casually asking "So, you're still single?" or "What's your thesis on again?"). And in the case of the OP, it was just plain rude.

[mkat83]

I would have been upset with the lady, too.

I get tired of the "big 3" questions all the time: how are you feeling; do you know what you're having; and when are you due, but those questions don't bother me too much.  They just get REALLY old.  I'm the head of the committee at church that plans the big liturgy related events, so I was very busy this past week and weekend.  I wore a dress for Easter Sunday that really showed off my bump, and I don't think there's a person at our church now who doesn't know I'm pregnant.  Appearantly a lot of them had been previously wondering felt sure enough to say something to me without fear of being wrong.

The comments I HATE the most are when I say that I'm due in mid-august, some women will make a horrid face and say something such as, "oh, you'll have to go through the hot summer.  I feel SO sorry for you. You are going to be miserable." blah blah blah.  My response is usually, "ya know, we do have air conditioning, and I think summer clothes are much cuter than winter clothes."  I mean really.... I know what the weather in Kentucky is like in August.  There's not much I can do about the time my baby will be born except be happy about it!  Some people just don't think before speaking.... but I guess we all already knew that.

I love it when my pregnant friends post belly pics on Facebook.  They often will have a self-deprecating comment such as "I'm huge," etc.  I love posting in reply just simply, "You are BEAUTIFUL!"

[Mizelenius]

RE: the comments where people feel sorry for you/annoy you, I am finding that (in general) the best response is silence.  I think any sort of being defensive or even being funny in response is pretty tiring.  I am getting too old to care.

I love what you say to the self-deprecating comments.  My guess is that the mamas WANT to feel beautiful (as they should) but worry what others will think.   Sad that our society is this way.

Originally Posted by mkat83 
The comments I HATE the most are when I say that I'm due in mid-august, some women will make a horrid face and say something such as, "oh, you'll have to go through the hot summer.  I feel SO sorry for you. You are going to be miserable." blah blah blah.  My response is usually, "ya know, we do have air conditioning, and I think summer clothes are much cuter than winter clothes."  I mean really.... I know what the weather in Kentucky is like in August.  There's not much I can do about the time my baby will be born except be happy about it!  Some people just don't think before speaking.... but I guess we all already knew that.

I love it when my pregnant friends post belly pics on Facebook.  They often will have a self-deprecating comment such as "I'm huge," etc.  I love posting in reply just simply, "You are BEAUTIFUL!"