How do you get something done without them screaming?

[Adaline'sMama]

I feel like the answer to this question is always "wear the baby", but Im talking about dangerous things, or things its not really great to wear a baby while you are doing it.

DD is going through something right now where every single time I go into another room, she screams bloody murder and races to follow me. Ive been wearing her about 50% of the time while Im trying to clean, ect. But, sometimes Ive had to put her in her playpen and do what I need to do while she screams. Its awful. Here are a couple of examples:

My dog puked yesterday and I had to clean it up. DH wasnt home, wasnt gonna be home until 10 pm and I live in a store, so I couldnt just leave it there. I tried several times to clean it up, but she was reaching around the sling and grabbing at it, trying to put her fingers in it, ect. I put her in her highchair to distract her with food, it didnt work. I gave her a piece of pop tart (i know, but I cant stand the screaming and I needed to distract her.) She dropped the pop tart and raced after me when I walked away. Finally, I had to put her in her playyard and just let her scream while I cleaned up vomit. I took two breaks during the 10 minutes it took me to clean it up to go and tell her she was okay and that I loved her and Id be right back. The screaming is just so high pitched and loud.

This happens a couple of times a day. I have to stock our woodstove (cant have a baby wanting to be doing the same thing youre doing when its hot), spray out poopy diapers, go get something out of the basement (steep stairs, I wont wear her or carry her with me), and she just SCREAMS the.whole.time. This wouldnt be such an issue, but she has refused to take a nap 4  out of the past 7 days. 16 hours of awake baby time. DH not coming home until after 10, and the last thing I want to do after she goes to bed is all the gross stuff she wouldnt let me do all day long. How can I keep her from screaming, or should I just let her do it?

[Ravin]

Two suggestions for things that can't wait and baby in sling make problematic:

1. what you're doing is fine, you're not ignoring her or abusing the baby containment devices. When you can, see if putting her where she's safe but can see you working helps. You can then also talk to her about what you're doing and why she can't help. high chairs and such move easily.

2. Do you have a carrier that puts her securely on your back? An ABC, wrap, or soft-structured carrier might be the way to go.

[Adaline'sMama]

I dont have a good back carrier. I need to get one. However, DH and I have discussed the fire and the stairs and have agreed that I will not wear her while doing either. I have fallen down the steep steep steps twice, and dealing with the woodstove is dangerous. If an ember popped out and landed on her skin I would be so upset.

I do the highchair close to me sometimes, but lately I cant think to do what Im doing with her shrieking so close to me, so I wind up with poop all over the bathroom or it taking me twice as long because Im making mistakes because Im such a wreck when she shrieks like that.

[McGucks]

I think you are doing beautifully.  I don't know what the answer is to your question because I am in the same boat, but keeping her safe and reassured when you do need to briefly stash her is good good good.  When I need to use the restroom, I have to leave him behind the gate and he typically hollers the whole time.  I understand the frustration of not being able to get things done...this has been a major challenge for me also (and most moms, I would guess).  I totally get it about the shrieking--our LO FINALLY quit doing that when he was about 11.5 months, but it was a nightmare during the months it lasted!  .  Gotta go...he's upset that I am on the computer, of course.  And BTW--I do have an Ergo, which has a back-carry ability...it doesn't help much.  He doesn't like being in the backwards position, perhaps because he knows I use it to get things done   nak and i am very sorry your dh does not get home til so late.  i lose my mind some when my dh is even running late!

[Adaline'sMama]

LOL. I havent used the bathroom alone in forever. Shes fine in the bathroom with me, but if I gate her or put her in the play pen she shrieks so loudly that it makes me tense up and I just.cant.go. TMI, sorry.

Originally Posted by caedenmomma 

  When I need to use the restroom, I have to leave him behind the gate and he typically hollers the whole time.

[callahansmama]

I totally know what you mean about not being able to get anything done! My dh gets home at 5ish most nights so I know I am lucky but my son goes to bed at 6:30 or 7 so by then the bulk of the day is over anyway. Even when both of us are home and try to occupy the little monkey while the other does something in another room (shower, get dressed, clean...) he always wants to be into what he shouldn't or can't.

Callahan doesn't scream but he whines if I leave his sight unless he is really engaged in something new and exciting. I always tell him where I am going and that I'll be right back but he often follows me. He has the most amazing hearing too! He could be totally engaged in something and looking the opposite direction and he will whip around when he senses that a cupboard door or the fridge is being opened. Then he makes a mad dash (crawling) to the door and then whines when it gets closed. I let him play with just about anything that can't harm him but the fridge and under the sink are major temptations for him - he really wants to get into them. My fridge and lower cabinets are a disaster most of the time because I just launch things in there as fast as I can! It makes it really difficult to cook or clean or even play with him because he is so tempted by the forbidden lol. He loves electrical cords and pulling lamps over and banging on the tv. He is literally into EVERYTHING and quite offended when he can`t do what he wants to do.

I do use my ergo quite a bit but as he gets older, more determined and heavier (he`s 25 lbs and like a little meatball), it gets harder. I am still doing a lot of things one handed because I have to hold his head when I bend down (when he`s on the front) and if he`s on the back he kind of makes a noise like his breathing is restricted when I bend down ( I think he`s fine, it just tightens when I bend over and I think he also finds this offensive:) I find the hip carry useless as he just grabs everything. What about an exersaucer or jumperoo? My son is too heavy and hates his now but for a while it worked. I still use it for the 14 month old I watch part time. When I put my son down for a nap I put her in the jumperoo so I know she is safe until I get back. Maybe experiment with different foods for the high chair. If you find something she just gobbles up and loves, it could buy you a little time. Callahan loves frozen blueberries that I crush with a fork. |Maybe some new and exciting toys that you only bring out when you need to run downstairs would work. It might just be that their personality doesn't lend itself to us getting much done and we have to accept it. I know I am having a hard time with that because I feel that being a sahm I should be able to get so much done and dinner cooked and all that. It rarely happens anymore since he started crawling and cruising:(

Best of luck and at least know that you are not alone!

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

I'm there with you. DS went through a tough phase at about 13 months, then he was happier for a couple of weeks, and now he's back to being upset if I dare put him down. I have some semi-serious hip issues, so even if he liked being on my back, I can't do it for long or I'll be in pain the next day.

Plopping him in the high chair with some goldfish crackers helps some - I can usually get 15 minutes out of him then. Usually. But sometimes, yeah, I have to put him down even if he cries. I try to keep talking to him and reassuring him, like you do, but yeesh. Sometimes Mama needs to pee (or clean up cat puke... I feel your pain..!).

[Adasmommy]

It's tough, but I bet it will pass and I think you're doing what you need to do and letting her know she's loved and you're there for her so kudos to you!  Hopefully the nap pattern changes, and that might change her daytime behavior too.   I just had a newborn and I know this is going to cause some major changes in the life of my one year old, but it is what it is and I plan to, like you, do my best to shower them all with love, and beyond that I know they will adjust to each other and to the needs of the family.  Love and strength to you!

[Knitting Mama]

I do think it's partially this age. Cecilia is the same way. She's had some semblance of separation anxiety since about 4 or 5 months old, but it's really kicked into high gear recently. Basically I don't do anything alone, and it really doesn't matter if my husband's home or not, as she gets super angry if he tries to distract her when I need to do something. 

[MamatobabyA]

I started doing some "containment practice" I guess, for lack of a better phrase.  I started when DS was about 6 months old.  I really wanted him to be able to be in his pack and play for 5 minutes without screaming so I could go to the bathroom, run up/down stairs and get something, clean up a mess, use the oven, whatever.  We started with just short little times in there.  I would put him in and dance with him or sing (badly ;) ) or we would pass the ball back and forth.  Then I started with peek a boo around the corner.  Then I put him in there and talked to him for a few seconds in the kitchen.  He couldn't see me, but he could hear me.  Sometimes he would cry and I would just come right back and we'd try again.  I just gradually increased how long I was out of sight and after about 3 months he was calm and happy to sit in there for 5 or 10 minutes while I did something.  He is now 15 months old and he will go in there with no problem and sometimes he even asks to go in.  He has special toys that are only in there (very sophisticated, right now he has a beanie baby, a red ball, and an empty tissue box with a handful of blocks he likes to take in and out).

Have you tried kitchen tools with different textures for the high chair?  A whisk, a pastry brush, and a kitchen sponge sometimes buy me a few minutes in the high chair.  DS thinks goldfish crackers are a real treat.  Maybe something like that that she can munch on in her chair?  I have found having music on in the kitchen (he likes Madonna and Katy Perry) while he is in the chair and I'm doing something helps too.  He can jam and bop to the music while I use the stove or something.  The other day I parked his chair next to the drawer I keep my kitchen towels in.  He had a ball playing with the towels and I made lunch.  I had to pick up the towels after, but that didn't take more than 30 seconds.  Or what about putting her chair next to the fridge with some large magnets?

You're doing the right thing momma!  Sometimes you need to get something done.  She'll get the idea on amusing herself while you do things she cannot help with.  Hang in there!  And **HUGS** for the no napping days!  Ugh, that's so hard!