So, when did your babies adjust to daycare?

[ProtoLawyer]

My almost 9-month-old is in his third day of group care. I went back to work (well, to a new job, but same effect) when he was 11 weeks, so he's used to being away from me and I from him. He was in my husband's care, more or less full time (with an occasional sitter for his sanity's sake), until December, when my husband launched a big campaign for office and had the baby with sitters more regularly. His sitters have included my parents and a college student at our house, and, away from home, at our neighbor (who also watches her 4-year-old grandson) and our friend (a SAHM with a toddler and a school-ager). My husband won his election (yay!), gets sworn in next week for a full-time office, so we need more traditional care.

He's been happy and well-adjusted in every care setting, BUT he's used to having lots of one-on-one time with the caregivers. He's almost impossible to move when he's asleep (so naps occur in arms or in the carseat or stroller). He'll play on a mat or in a bouncer for a little bit, but really, he prefers to be held.

I understand that there are other babies at the center and only so many sets of hands. I have no qualms about the center or its staff. The first day at the center went really well, but I think in the last two days, he's realized "oh, this is what I do now" and hasn't been too happy about it. No, he hasn't been crying the whole time, but a lot more than usual, based on the reports. He's happy at home, but nursing approximately 11 billion hours in the evening, then sleeping like a rock for most of the night.

From what I understand, this is a very typical adjustment period, and it should get better. I've heard 9 months is actually a bit of a tough time to start at daycare, since the idea of object permanence is emerging (he's progressed from "if you're not here, you never existed" to "if you're not here, you don't exist anymore" and getting to "if you're not here, are you coming back?") and separation anxiety kicks in.

What's your experience?

[Phoenix~Mama]

DD went from being home with her Dad and a college sitter for a couple of hours around 7 months, and did okay from what I can remember.  She went to a home daycare though and had a lot of one-on-one time still.  I wasn't comfortable putting her in a center at that age because of knowing her personality and didn't think she'd do well there.

FWIW, DD is STILL exceptingly clingey when I get home, and I think if she still was nursing, she'd nurse for like 9 million hours when I got home.  lol  That is just her personality, she is super attached to me and needs to be me super glue to me from the time I get home until she goes to bed... and even sometimes then, she needs me to go to bed with her.

DS, on the other hand... he is sooo different.  very mellow.  He grins when he sees me and giggles, but then he is content playing on the floor or whatver after his 15 minute power nap in my arms. 

So it may just be in your DS's personality to cling when you get home. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would give him at least 2 weeks to adjust, more likely 3-4weeks.  My DS started a new daycare about 5weeks ago, and now he does great - and absolutely LOVES it.  But the first few weeks were a bit hard.

One thing I would highly recommend, if its doable based on yours and your dh's schedule, is trying to have the exact same person picking up and dropping off for several weeks until he's fully adjusted.  My ex picks DS up once/week on Thursdays, and that was the hardest part about the adjustment, was that I pick him up all other days, and then Thursday would roll around and mess things up.

[ProtoLawyer]

Thanks. He's a super-mellow kid most of the time, but he does get clingy when I get home regardless of who he's with. 

As for why he's in a center as opposed to home care--it's a good program, 4 blocks off our bus line, and walking distance between my work and my husband's work, and they put up with my cloth diapers, too. (The dietary program is standard daycare, but the one Waldorf-y place near us that does mostly organic and all homemade is booked for the foreseeable future. Plus, I'm not big on Waldorf for schooling, though for infant/toddler daycare I'd be OK with it.)

Plus, we had a very hard time with my stepdaughter's home daycare (way too many unscheduled closures, weird hours, etc. whereas a center only closes for holidays and for the same inclement weather that would shut at least one of our workplaces down), and the (very few) homes I interviewed here that had full-time openings just seemed either not a good fit, or downright creepy. (One was run by a rental Santa who took his side job way too seriously.)

[ProtoLawyer]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I would give him at least 2 weeks to adjust, more likely 3-4weeks.  My DS started a new daycare about 5weeks ago, and now he does great - and absolutely LOVES it.  But the first few weeks were a bit hard.

One thing I would highly recommend, if its doable based on yours and your dh's schedule, is trying to have the exact same person picking up and dropping off for several weeks until he's fully adjusted.  My ex picks DS up once/week on Thursdays, and that was the hardest part about the adjustment, was that I pick him up all other days, and then Thursday would roll around and mess things up.

Thanks.

In general, it's me dropping off, Dad picking up, because that's what the schedule can handle, but today I dropped off and will pick up because of a conflict. Then, next week, it starts up again.
 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer 

As for why he's in a center as opposed to home care--it's a good program, 4 blocks off our bus line, and walking distance between my work and my husband's work, and they put up with my cloth diapers, too. (The dietary program is standard daycare, but the one Waldorf-y place near us that does mostly organic and all homemade is booked for the foreseeable future. Plus, I'm not big on Waldorf for schooling, though for infant/toddler daycare I'd be OK with it.)

Yeah, we do a center too, b/c I simply LOVE it and its a great fit for us, and is a block away from my apartment.  The home daycares that I saw were terrible (apartments don't necessarily lend themselves to daycares), and I just plain didn't like them.  I'm sure there are fabulous home daycares out there, I just didn't see any.

Anyway, since its a different person dropping off/picking up - it might take him a little longer to figure out that you really are going to come back (especially since 9mo is known for separation anxiety).  I know that was our one issue, and if he's getting home before you, that might make it a tad harder.  He will still adjust, but it might take a little longer.  Maybe you can call home and let them know you're on your way, so that they can meet you outside and make a HUGE deal of you coming home when you get there until he gets a little more comfortable.

[mambera]

My kid is significantly older than yours (she was 18 mo when we started) but the first day care she was in was just awful and she never adjusted at all, and remained miserable for the two months it took me to realize the problem and find a better one.  She adjusted to the one she's in now (which is FABULOUS) in a day or two.  Maybe it was relief at being out of the other place.

I do think 3 days sounds kind of early to expect total adjustment from a 9 mo?

On another note, I don't really understand the frequent recommendations for home day cares I see on these boards.  I actually can't understand what the advantage is at all except that they are cheaper.  A center has multiple workers who can give each other breaks so there is mutual oversight and less danger of caregiver burnout.  I would be really worried about leaving my kid with a single individual who was also watching multiple other unrelated children with no oversight and no backup.

[~pi]

My DS started at a year, and it took 2 months to adjust. Once he had adjusted, it was great and he was totally happy, but it was a rough transition. We co-slept and he did a lot of reverse cycling for a while.

I totally agree with pp's advice to keep everything as consistent as possible. We tried to ease DS in gently, I would pick him up early if he was having a bad day, etc., and in retrospect, that just made it harder on him.

I think with a consistent routine, 3-4 weeks is a reasonable estimate.

(By the way, just FYI, the idea that object permanence starts around 9 months has been well debunked. There is good evidence that it starts much earlier.)

Congrats on your new job and your husband's election!

[ProtoLawyer]

Just to update everyone--days 2-3 were the worst, then it gradually got better. By the 2-week mark, he fit right in and his sheet almost never includes "fussy" or "crying." He's napping well in his crib (my husband got photographic proof yesterday!) and eating lots (once I gave them the go-head to allow him to self-feed, that started getting better...he loves to eat but hates to be spoon-fed).

He's been OK with changes to the routine, too, like when Dad had to pick him up early for a well-baby visit. He's never been a kid to absolutely depend on routine and ritual, and it looks like that will continue.

[marinak1977]

Glad to hear your DS got used to the new routine.