or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › What do you think when someone says their child is "high needs"?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

What do you think when someone says their child is "high needs"? - Page 3

Poll Results: What do you think when someone says their child is "high needs"?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 21% (87)
    Yup, I feel for you, so is mine.
  • 3% (15)
    You haven't seen high needs 'til you spent a day with my kid!
  • 6% (25)
    All babies are high needs.
  • 0% (3)
    There's no such thing as high needs.
  • 16% (69)
    That must be so tough!
  • 1% (8)
    My kids are easy because I practice AP with them.
  • 3% (16)
    The parent(s) just need to ____ (set some boundaries and limits, try a routine or schedule, etc.)
  • 41% (169)
    Some kids are high needs but the term seems to be really over-used/incorrectly used.
  • 4% (17)
    Other (explain)
409 Total Votes  
post #41 of 208

I didn't even believe in "high needs" until my 3rd was high needs. She COULD NOT be away from me for over a year without screaming the WHOLE TIME. Even her grandmother we saw frequently couldn't babysit without her screaming(not crying, but screaming) the entire time. Never falling asleep, never taking a break, never being distracted. She nursed constantly, day and night. I mean CONSTANTLY. I don't know how my nipples took it. Neither one of us slept more than 2 hours at a time until she was 16 months old and I drank a shot of butterschnapps at bedtime. She never would take a bottle, of any type nipple, and trust me, everybody tried everything. I needed a break so bad. I thought something was wrong with her but nothing showed up on any tests. I had never imagined a baby could be this difficult...I'd had two already, plus took care of other babies frequently. I KNEW babies and what to do. WIth this baby, I had no idea how I was going to keep living. Oh and she would not sleep in the bed with me, either. Or in the recliner, or crib, anywhere else. The only place that child would sleep was on the floor(carpeted). I was terrified if I left her on the floor the other kids would accidentally step on her so I cleaned out my bedroom closet and she slept on the closet floor. She couldn't sleep if there was noise, either. My MIL just loved blaming me for that one. She didn't just cry or whimper, she screamed like something was wrong with her. She was over half a year old before I stopped poo-poo'ing Sear's high-needs theory and I finally broke down and read it and just cried and cried. I always thought people with high-needs babies just spoiled their babies, didn't know what they were doing, (cuz remember I had two babies already and lots of experience!), the mother just had to be high strung and not laid-back enough. Boy did I learn my freaking lesson. Now she's 8 and I finally got over my fear of having another one like that and am pregnant again. Took me that long. I am pretty scared this baby will be high-needs but I keep telling myself, "What are the chances?" She's a very smart kid, VERY active lol She's the star of her softball team, she's very fun and likable now, and has been for years, I'm just pointing out the changes. The biggest help I had with her was some friends who also had a high-needs child. Dh and I went to a concert when my daughter was about 2 or so, and my friend babysat her. Kept her very busy. It was hard work for her, but her teenage son had been high needs as a baby. He was very good with our daughter also and she adored him. I wish I had had friends who knew what it was like from the beginning instead of meeting them when she was a toddler! It would have been such a major help, especially when family members were blaming ME for her being so "clingy". Clingy was not the word for it!! When someone tells me their baby is high needs, but that baby doesn't cry all the time and it lets someone else hold it I'm pretty skeptical. My husband was able to do more with her than anyone else. I felt so sorry for my older kids, you build up a baby as being something older kids can help with but they had to live with this child's screaming and always taking my time and us having to be silent whenever she bothered to sleep. She wouldn't let them mess with her until she was over a year old. She's pretty normal now, though a tiny bit louder than most and tends to be obnoxious LOL But she's really cute. I know if she weren't homeschooled, a school teacher would push for ADHD medication. We'll see how that goes later one. Her personality seemed to have ruined how my own mother feels about her but that's her own loss(my mom's, I mean). No one else seems affected by it and I finally got over the fear of those baby months.

post #42 of 208
Thread Starter 
Yeah, purplerose, I was really/am traumatized by DS... And feeling like it was all my fault for being 'anxious and high-strung' or 'not cut out to be a mother' or something (he is my first/only)... I had been around babies plenty and never in my life had I seen a baby do anything like DS did. I knew it would be harder being a parent than simply babysitting for a day or whatever, but I was fully unprepared for how horrible it would be. I don't think I had PPD -- I think I had situational depression, I was depressed because nothing I did could possibly make my baby happy. He nursed 3-5 times an hour (for 10-40mins, so basically non-stop) and woke up every 20 mins all night (and all through naps, if I managed to get him to nap) until he was over 18mos (actually, he still wakes up every 20-60mins now, though starting to improve). I never put him down (though I didn't really want to) and most of our days were spent sitting in front of the TV on a static channel on HIGH volume while nursing him. The rest of the time, I was crying (and obviously he was too). He spit up 300000 times a day, massive amounts that required many loads of laundry and mopping the floor constantly. No one else could hold him, not even DH. He was well over a year old when his grandparents & other close relatives actually got to hold him for a minute or two or give him a hug. He didn't eat solid food until at least 18mos. I didn't shower, eat meals, etc. and obviously didn't (still don't!) sleep. He cries less now (he's 26mos) but still cries a lot... I notice he shuts down in situations where he'd normally cry -- i.e. if a truck goes by in the distance or someone picks him up... He is starting to be a little independent but until a couple months ago, we'd go on playdates etc. and he'd spend the entire time sitting with me or nursing while the other kids were playing. He is a totally different kid than he was ~6mos ago, much easier for the most part, but I still highly suspect there is something going on -- we've experimented with lots of things like food allergies and all, but haven't been able to get to the bottom of it. Even when he was born, they kept us extra days in the hospital and were running all sorts of tests and asking me what kind of drugs I was on!!! (I do not do drugs, I don't even drink....) because of how much he was crying & freaking out.

The worst part is, I read things like studies of other cultures where babies nurse many times an hour and rarely cry, where the calmest babies are the ones held/worn the most... and I DID THAT. I nursed constantly, even though I desperately needed a break. At 26mos (aside from a few occasions of falling asleep in the car), he has never slept anywhere except in my lap or curled up beside me. I can't imagine what it must be like to put your kid to bed & relax (or clean!) for an hour or two before joining them. I can't imagine being able to do whatever I want/need to during nap time. I can't imagine being able to do ANYTHING without being interrupted 5 minutes in by a DESPERATE need to nurse or whatever. And DH thinks his son hates him. We sacrificed any of our own needs, and any semblance of 'normal' parenthood, and it still wasn't/isn't enough.

Sorry, don't know why I felt the need to vent all that suddenly... but it does feel good to get it out!
post #43 of 208

My first was super easy.  My second was high needs until he became mobile, now I think he's more typical.  My definition of high needs was that he nursed every hour at least, would not be put down, didn't care to be worn, but was really only content with me sitting on the couch holding and nursing him for hours.  He wouldn't be soothed by any other person, no paci, no lovie, nothing but me.

 

Now I have a "friend" who SWEARS her little girl is high needs-8 weeks old, naps for two hours plus three times a day in her crib, spends most of her time in a swing or bouncy and only wakes twice a night.  For the life of me I cannot understand why she thinks her babe is high needs. 

post #44 of 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

He spit up 300000 times a day, massive amounts that required many loads of laundry and mopping the floor constantly.

Did you try medicating the reflux? It sounds like he was in so much pain greensad.gif DS was like that until I got my diet figured out. Terribly uncomfortable.
Edited by D_McG - 4/16/11 at 10:37am
post #45 of 208
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

He spit up 300000 times a day, massive amounts that required many loads of laundry and mopping the floor constantly.

Did you try medicating the reflux? It sounds like he was in so much pain greensad.gif DS was like that until I got my diet figured out. Terribly uncomfortable.

The doctor told me it was normal!! By the time I figured out that maybe it wasn't, it was already starting to subside (and went away almost completely once I eliminated gluten from my own diet for my own issues)... So he was never medicated, though I'm not sure it would have helped because it wasn't classic reflux and the other things I tried such as keeping him at an angle didn't help either.
post #46 of 208
oh my goodness. I can't believe they told you that was normal greensad.gif Poor baby!
post #47 of 208

When someone tells me that, generally I think they are feeling defensive, stressed, overwhelmed or some combo of the above.

 

I really don't care about what labels people use.

 

I can't say that any of my kids have been "high needs", true, I had 3 in 17 months, so needs were very high and frazzling at our household for the first 2 years but OTOH it was all about *volume*, not personality per se.  The kids all have different personalities, and my DD and I in particular butt heads constantly because we are so alike and both extremely stubborn by nature.  Maybe if I had to deal with everything by myself, I would have felt differently but thankfully DH works from home, so we have always been able to tag team.

 

I can't tell you how many times people said to me "Oh, if only you'd only X" (as if they knew my kid, or our family, or what would work for us), so I am reluctant to look down my nose at someone and think if only they did things my way then OF COURSE their children would behave "better".  Plus, frankly, I am terrified over what kind of karmic retribution would come from me daring to open my mouth over such a thing.  Already, EVERYTHING that I EVER criticized or snobbily looked down upon before kids (or between kids) has come back to bite me in the ass later on in my parenting journey.  So I've learned to keep my fool mouth shut.  Most of the time.

post #48 of 208

My daughter also didn't like to be worn, except facing forward in a Snugli. Otherwise, she'd only be held. Crunchy_mommy I am wondering if you have thought about the possibility of autism/asperger's? Some of what you said sounds possible, especially a truck going by distressing him. I had wondered about it with my daughter before I realized it was the high-needs in her. Just remember you're not alone and as your son gets older it will continue to get easier! And venting does help! You can pm me if you need to, anytime! I wish I'd had like-minded people in my life years ago.

post #49 of 208
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplerose View Post

My daughter also didn't like to be worn, except facing forward in a Snugli. Otherwise, she'd only be held. Crunchy_mommy I am wondering if you have thought about the possibility of autism/asperger's? Some of what you said sounds possible, especially a truck going by distressing him. I had wondered about it with my daughter before I realized it was the high-needs in her. Just remember you're not alone and as your son gets older it will continue to get easier! And venting does help! You can pm me if you need to, anytime! I wish I'd had like-minded people in my life years ago.


Thank you!

You know, he really doesn't seem autistic at all (though I can't rule out Asperger's, he's only 2)... I do think SOMETHING is up but at the same time he is A LOT like me so maybe (right down to issues with background noise, shutting down when overwhelmed, etc.) so maybe it's just a genetic 'weirdness' lol. He has never been behind with milestones or anything -- in fact, he's ahead in many ways, and VERY verbal (though you'd never know it because he clams up around others!) I always wonder how much is just normal toddler stuff (though perhaps on the extreme end) and what's something more... every time I think it's time to call EI or something, he suddenly starts seeming more *normal* -- but overall he is doing so much better than just a few months ago and WAYYY bettter than when he was a baby!! I actually enjoy hanging out with him now. That sounds sad to say though... I wish I was able to enjoy his babyhood, and I wish HE could have enjoyed it. greensad.gif
post #50 of 208
It wouldn't hurt to call EI. It always seems to me in posts that your gut is telling you something is wrong but you keep talking yourself out of it? It's hard hug.gif:
post #51 of 208
I think there are kids who have real high needs - and I'd assume that is a kid with a real issue that has not been diagnosed yet.

When people use this term to just mean their normal kid, I think it does a disservice to people who are struggling with a real high needs kid.

Spirited - I think that means bratty or poorly behaved. My kids have "spirited" moments. It does not mean that they have real high needs or a real issue.
post #52 of 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post


You know, he really doesn't seem autistic at all (though I can't rule out Asperger's, he's only 2)... I do think SOMETHING is up but at the same time he is A LOT like me so maybe (right down to issues with background noise, shutting down when overwhelmed, etc.) so maybe it's just a genetic 'weirdness' lol. He has never been behind with milestones or anything -- in fact, he's ahead in many ways, and VERY verbal (though you'd never know it because he clams up around others!) I always wonder how much is just normal toddler stuff (though perhaps on the extreme end) and what's something more... every time I think it's time to call EI or something, he suddenly starts seeming more *normal* -- but overall he is doing so much better than just a few months ago and WAYYY bettter than when he was a baby!! I actually enjoy hanging out with him now. That sounds sad to say though... I wish I was able to enjoy his babyhood, and I wish HE could have enjoyed it. greensad.gif



crunchy_mommy, hugs!  You've had a hard road to date!

 

I would strongly recommend calling EI and reading up on sensory processing disorder (SPD).  SPD is an issue all on it's own, or the behaviours/reactions can be the result of other issues.  If your son has SPD, there are lots of strategies to help him feel better in his own skin and in his own world.

 

I would suggest posting in Special Needs Parenting.  Your DS may have no special needs and this may all be developmental for him - in other words, he'll outgrow it.  But getting some strategies to help you both cope will provide such relief.

 

post #53 of 208

It doesn't matter to me if parents use the term high needs in reference to their kid who happens to wake up once most nights, or when parents use it who have a kid that wears me out when I hear about their day.  Who am I to say who is really high needs?  Everyone is different; just having a typical, easy going baby can seem "needy" especially when it is your first.  It's taking care of another human being that is exhausting and hard work!

 

OP, I would also say you should look into an EI evaluation and see if there is any help out there for you and your DS.  Even if you keep changing your mind, it certainly won't hurt. I've had two of my kids screened by child find (one went through it twice) and I don't regret it at all - for my kid who does have some special needs nor for my kid who does not qualify for any services.  If anything, it will bring you peace of mind, whether you receive a diagnosis/referral or not. 

 

eta: add me to the list of those who dislike the term spirited.  To me, you might as well be calling your kid a brat, though I realize that many people view the word differently than I do. 

 

Oh, and I am the one vote for "My kids are easy because I practice AP with them." just b/c I couldn't decide between a couple of the other choices and this one made me  biglaugh.gif.  My kids sure as heck are not what I would call easy (now, at least, though I would say they were as babies - it had nothing to do with AP, and everything to do with personality and pure luck).

post #54 of 208
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

Oh, and I am the one vote for "My kids are easy because I practice AP with them." just b/c I couldn't decide between a couple of the other choices and this one made me  biglaugh.gif.  My kids sure as heck are not what I would call easy (now, at least, though I would say they were as babies - it had nothing to do with AP, and everything to do with personality and pure luck).


LOL well I put that option in the poll because MULTIPLE times I've heard people say that!! I wouldn't wish a true "high needs" baby on anyone, but it's extra hard not to wish one on someone who says that. hide.gif

Yes, I probably should at least call EI. I hesitate because he has no real delays (or at least nothing they can't blame on me, i.e. he must wake a lot because we cosleep or he must not eat well because you're still BF'ing). I guess I feel silly contacting them and am not convinced they'd be any help... redface.gif

And I'm not sure on the 'spirited' thing... I thought all kids were 'spirited'... maybe it's just like 'high-needs' -- not something you can fully understand 'til you have a kid like that???
post #55 of 208

My son was one of those kids who everyone referred to as high needs or spirited before he was diagnosed with SPD and eventually,  Asperger's as well. They are real diagnoses and I really resent the fact that people seem to feel they aren't. He has neurological differences from other kids. Period. I was not the one seeking out the labels. Actually, I was kind of in denial thinking that he was just going to grow out of it while my husband and my son's doctors were pushing to figure out what was going on. Every single medical professional that has met my son has said something is going on. A lot of parents who are facing a high needs kid would rather call them that than seek out a label. High needs seems to be something you could work through while ASD or SPD or ADHD etc etc are not things that go away. And some kids truly are just needy and move on to be "normal," but judging the parents is wrong. You don't know what they're dealing with. When you don't deal with a kid day to day, you really do not know what it's like at say bedtime. When my son used to take 2-4 HOURS to go to sleep. And then woke six or more times every.single.night. You just don't know what's going on in a family from snippets you see. If the parents seem to not be handling it perfectly, chances are it is because they are EXHAUSTED. It's HARD having a high needs/ special needs kid. It is. That said, I think parents are willing to say their kid is high needs when they are just going through a tough patch or something, and that's fine. It's not an official term and sometimes all kids have some tough times, and if the parents are trying to process it and use that term, who cares? I do get reeeeally sick of people acting like children with genuine issues are having labels pushed onto them by their "crazy" parents or something. Maybe it happens, but having a child who truly has special needs and has from birth (other medical issues in addition to ASD and SPD) it is really hard to hear people talk like that. I'd give anything if my kid didn't need the labels. But he does, they help him get services so he can function more like a typical kid. He needs these labels.


 

 

post #56 of 208

I think "oh that sucks!" lol

 

It might be overused, but I'm not the judge of that.

Ds1 was high needs, and no amount of hearing "they need a dx to be considered high needs" is going to change my opinion on that! lol He didn't cry that much, but he needed to be held ALL the time. Not just 3 or 6 hours a day, and not just 12 hours a day. At least 22 hours a day, he needed to be in arms (and actually, I'm being generous- I think it was more like 23.5 hours a day). He would barely sleep without a boob in his mouth (including naps), and would wake up immediately if my arm wasn't around him. It was like the world was coming to an end if I tried to put him down, or if I didn't nurse him *immediately* when he wanted to nurse. It didn't get much better until WELL after he started crawling, and then only gradually.

Ds2- he's a lot of work, but he's most definitely not high needs.

post #57 of 208


What's the downside of calling EI? 

 

Typical development includes gross motor, fine motor, cognitive, socio-emotional and self-regulation.  It sounds like he's struggling with self-regulation.  There are strategies you can employ to help him develop self-calming and self-regulation skills - which will make his and your life much easier.

 

DD was an intense, very little sleep infant.  She's still that way :).  DS was easy as an infant overall (compared to his sister), but ended up with a diagnosis of SPD at 3.5.  Knowing what was happening for him was invaluable.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post



Quote: Yes, I probably should at least call EI. I hesitate because he has no real delays (or at least nothing they can't blame on me, i.e. he must wake a lot because we cosleep or he must not eat well because you're still BF'ing). I guess I feel silly contacting them and am not convinced they'd be any help... redface.gif



 
post #58 of 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

Yeah, purplerose, I was really/am traumatized by DS... And feeling like it was all my fault for being 'anxious and high-strung' or 'not cut out to be a mother' or something (he is my first/only)... I had been around babies plenty and never in my life had I seen a baby do anything like DS did. I knew it would be harder being a parent than simply babysitting for a day or whatever, but I was fully unprepared for how horrible it would be. I don't think I had PPD -- I think I had situational depression, I was depressed because nothing I did could possibly make my baby happy. He nursed 3-5 times an hour (for 10-40mins, so basically non-stop) and woke up every 20 mins all night (and all through naps, if I managed to get him to nap) until he was over 18mos (actually, he still wakes up every 20-60mins now, though starting to improve). I never put him down (though I didn't really want to) and most of our days were spent sitting in front of the TV on a static channel on HIGH volume while nursing him. The rest of the time, I was crying (and obviously he was too). He spit up 300000 times a day, massive amounts that required many loads of laundry and mopping the floor constantly. No one else could hold him, not even DH. He was well over a year old when his grandparents & other close relatives actually got to hold him for a minute or two or give him a hug. He didn't eat solid food until at least 18mos. I didn't shower, eat meals, etc. and obviously didn't (still don't!) sleep. He cries less now (he's 26mos) but still cries a lot... I notice he shuts down in situations where he'd normally cry -- i.e. if a truck goes by in the distance or someone picks him up... He is starting to be a little independent but until a couple months ago, we'd go on playdates etc. and he'd spend the entire time sitting with me or nursing while the other kids were playing. He is a totally different kid than he was ~6mos ago, much easier for the most part, but I still highly suspect there is something going on -- we've experimented with lots of things like food allergies and all, but haven't been able to get to the bottom of it. Even when he was born, they kept us extra days in the hospital and were running all sorts of tests and asking me what kind of drugs I was on!!! (I do not do drugs, I don't even drink....) because of how much he was crying & freaking out.

The worst part is, I read things like studies of other cultures where babies nurse many times an hour and rarely cry, where the calmest babies are the ones held/worn the most... and I DID THAT. I nursed constantly, even though I desperately needed a break. At 26mos (aside from a few occasions of falling asleep in the car), he has never slept anywhere except in my lap or curled up beside me. I can't imagine what it must be like to put your kid to bed & relax (or clean!) for an hour or two before joining them. I can't imagine being able to do whatever I want/need to during nap time. I can't imagine being able to do ANYTHING without being interrupted 5 minutes in by a DESPERATE need to nurse or whatever. And DH thinks his son hates him. We sacrificed any of our own needs, and any semblance of 'normal' parenthood, and it still wasn't/isn't enough.

Sorry, don't know why I felt the need to vent all that suddenly... but it does feel good to get it out!


I just want to give you a hug - and a break!  What you're describing sounds like hell on earth to me, honestly.  I don't think I could handle it.  My daughter is considered special needs, has birth defects and has required many surgeries and medications, testing, therapies, etc. But she is laid-back, happy and easy-going.  Although the first years were hard, it was so much different than what you're describing.  You are amazing!

 

 

 

post #59 of 208


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

Yeah, purplerose, I was really/am traumatized by DS... And feeling like it was all my fault for being 'anxious and high-strung' or 'not cut out to be a mother' or something (he is my first/only)... I had been around babies plenty and never in my life had I seen a baby do anything like DS did. I knew it would be harder being a parent than simply babysitting for a day or whatever, but I was fully unprepared for how horrible it would be. I don't think I had PPD -- I think I had situational depression, I was depressed because nothing I did could possibly make my baby happy. He nursed 3-5 times an hour (for 10-40mins, so basically non-stop) and woke up every 20 mins all night (and all through naps, if I managed to get him to nap) until he was over 18mos (actually, he still wakes up every 20-60mins now, though starting to improve). I never put him down (though I didn't really want to) and most of our days were spent sitting in front of the TV on a static channel on HIGH volume while nursing him. The rest of the time, I was crying (and obviously he was too). He spit up 300000 times a day, massive amounts that required many loads of laundry and mopping the floor constantly. No one else could hold him, not even DH. He was well over a year old when his grandparents & other close relatives actually got to hold him for a minute or two or give him a hug. He didn't eat solid food until at least 18mos. I didn't shower, eat meals, etc. and obviously didn't (still don't!) sleep. He cries less now (he's 26mos) but still cries a lot... I notice he shuts down in situations where he'd normally cry -- i.e. if a truck goes by in the distance or someone picks him up... He is starting to be a little independent but until a couple months ago, we'd go on playdates etc. and he'd spend the entire time sitting with me or nursing while the other kids were playing. He is a totally different kid than he was ~6mos ago, much easier for the most part, but I still highly suspect there is something going on -- we've experimented with lots of things like food allergies and all, but haven't been able to get to the bottom of it. Even when he was born, they kept us extra days in the hospital and were running all sorts of tests and asking me what kind of drugs I was on!!! (I do not do drugs, I don't even drink....) because of how much he was crying & freaking out.

 

Have you thought of a sleep study? Seriously, waking every 20-60 minutes has got to make him pretty unhappy. I'm wondering if there's some apnea going on there, or if  he's still having silent reflux. Yes, cosleeping babies wake more, but my "terrible" sleeper woke every 2 hours until she was 3, not every 20 minutes!

 

Another thought that crossed my mind was sensory issues -- what you describe is what my son did (still does to some extent) when he had sensory overload. His occupational therapist made a huge difference in his life. Have you read: The Out of Sync Child?

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post

I think there are kids who have real high needs - and I'd assume that is a kid with a real issue that has not been diagnosed yet.

When people use this term to just mean their normal kid, I think it does a disservice to people who are struggling with a real high needs kid.

Spirited - I think that means bratty or poorly behaved. My kids have "spirited" moments. It does not mean that they have real high needs or a real issue.


Really? See, I have a spirited kid. She's intense. She's sensitive. She blows up easily. (But she also gets really excited easily.) She wears her heart on her sleeve. She feels things deeply. She's got a firm sense of how the world should run (she spent 30 minutes discussing/worrying because her teacher was teaching the kids in the reading class what adjectives were before she'd taught them what nouns and verbs were (dd had learned nouns and verbs in another class), and she thought that really, they should learn nouns and verbs first.) She fits the classic definition of a spirited child. (And FWIW, my spirited child was a very easy baby. She was perfectly happy and content most of the time. She had a few sleep issues, which were solved by co-sleeping.)

 

But, neither dd nor any of the other clearly spirited kids that I know are bratty. They're just intense. They don't shake off slights or things very easily. They'll be great leaders one day, I'm sure.

 

post #60 of 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post

I think there are kids who have real high needs - and I'd assume that is a kid with a real issue that has not been diagnosed yet.

When people use this term to just mean their normal kid, I think it does a disservice to people who are struggling with a real high needs kid.

Spirited - I think that means bratty or poorly behaved. My kids have "spirited" moments. It does not mean that they have real high needs or a real issue.


I'm not familiar with the term "spirited" being  used in connection with brattiness or ill-behaved kids.  I'm reluctant to use the term "spirited" on my own DD and I was also reluctant to use the term "high needs."  My DD is is an incredibly intense person, so intense that I was seeking something, some term, to describe her.  She is highly emotional, highly alert, highly creative, needs little sleep, is always expressing herself in very dramatic ways.  Sometimes I just want it to stop!  At least for a few hours.  I don't think she is high needs, though.  Despite all of DD's drama, she is very independent and it is not that she "needs" so much as she has difficulty finding ways to express herself and to control her emotions.  I'm aware of actual high needs kids out there and through trial and error and observation, I've come to the conclusion that DD is not high needs.  

 

I recently read about a personality type called "active-alert" and it describes my DD to a tee.  What comforted me was that it is not considered a problem or disorder, but a personality type.  It all makes sense to me now.  I've also read that these personality types are often misdiagnosed as ones with ADD and/or are considered high needs, etc.  It is hard and draining on us but now that we feel we have pinpointed the source, we try to work on helping her develop her creativity and to keep her emotions in check in appropriate ways.  

 

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › What do you think when someone says their child is "high needs"?