Plus size moms to be? Need help dealing with body hate.

[DragonflyMom]

So for about the past 3-4 years I have been a plus size gal, I broke my hip in 07 and spent some time in a wheelchair and gained a lot of weight and had issues getting it off, I have a horrible metabolism, I can be eating celery and tomatos and if Im not working out constantly Im gaining weight.

My hip problems really restricted my mobility for awhile (I was a Intermediate 3 day eventer prior to injury so lots of working out) and I guess coupled with depression i never really bounced back.

Lately I had been working out and losing weight and improving my self image and then I found out we were pregnant...which was great as we were kinda sorta trying (Lol) but now that Im further along at 15 weeks and am having trouble finding clothes my old bad self esteem/body hate is coming back and its to the point that Im getting extremely depressed.

Bah, I just want to cry!!

I bought some really pretty camisoles today to try and make myself feel better but when I put them on I looked dumpy...didnt help that the hubs says "You look fine hun"....l DONT WANT TO LOOK FINE I WANT TO LOOK GOOD/GREAT/SEXY!!
 

Any other plus size moms here with words of advice?

[goldenwillow]

  Give yourself a break. 

I know that is easier said than done, but try.  You are more beautiful as an expecting mother than you realize. 

I am not a plus size anymore however, I can tell you that when I got pregnant (planned) that my old body issues came up again. 

I was heavy my whole life, highest weight was 296lbs.  I have kept it off for 7 years now.  When I was pregnant, I was terrified of gaining more weight than what was healthy for my baby and myself.  I had worked so hard to loose it all. 

I couldn't stand to look in the mirror and was depressed when I couldn't find things that fit.  Mind you, while I was pregnant, I looked like I just gained 30 lbs.  I didn't have that round prego belly that most folks have.  DH has a beautiful budda belly and geez... I would cry that his belly looked better than mine.    Hormones. 

At delivery, I was 110lbs lighter than my highest weight and my sagging skin wasn't even filled out. 

DH took a few pictures of me while I was pregnant and I am so glad he did.  I was beaming and didn't even realize it.  I looked beautiful.  I was carrying a child.  There is no greater gift. 

I made sure to walk and walk and walk.  Still do and always will.  I do not work out hard, never have.  I walked my weight off prior and after DS was born.  Maybe that would help your confidence....  and it is really healthy for pregnancy.  Doesn't have to be much, 20 mins.

[lifeguard]

I've been plus sized pretty much my whole adult life despite my best efforts in the opposite direction.

With ds I had just lost 70lbs & it was so hard to see that scale go back up. Plus I had gotten rid of anything that was even a scrap too big.

The thing that really helped me was to purposely choose maternity styles or styles that look more maternity (for my build that is anything with an empire waist or rouching above the breasts) & rub my belly a lot so there was no doubt I was pregnant & not just gaining.

This time I was just starting to lose & have actually been continuing to lose some while pregnant. I am showing much sooner & having a harder time than last time as I really do feel I just look fat. I feel like I'm too early to be in maternity clothes but I've adopted my old habits - right down to the tummy rubbing in public.

It is different being pregnant & heavy - we just don't show in the same way & being in a state where gaining is "ok" is a really hard mind switch to make.

[akind1]

Before my first, I had just lost about 25 lbs (down from nearly 250 to 224) and like a PP, seeing the scale creep back up was hard, but also I admit I didn't really make an effort to eat super healthy or excersise more; just walked alot. - especially in the first and third trimesters, my appetite was lacking; I ate whatever actually appealed, and most of the time I admit it was carby. but so yummy! I gained 25 lbs with that pregnancy and was a little sad I never had the cute, round bump my skinny friends have. But I still bought maternity clothes. and especially by the 7 month mark, even without the normal roundness, it was pretty obvious that I was pregnant, and not just fat. Also, I didn't have GD with that pregnancy, or any real blood pressure issues. Do make sure they always use the right size cuff with you. I had some problems with that with DS, because it can throw the reading off.

With breastfeeding, if you are plannng to do that, the important thing for me was to remember to eat enough. so long as I did that, and included some moderate work outs - mostly walking - the weight came off easily. I lost all the pregancy weight within the first 6 months, and continued to lose slowly until I was just below 220. I happened to gain about 5 lbs right before conceiving this baby; may 225 is a happy conception weight for me :shrug.

One thing I wanted to do with my first pregnancy and didn't really, is get GOOD maternity photos done, I will probably do that in late august/early september.  I want an excuse to really glory in my pregnant body and look back and remember what I looked and felt like. As the largest of all my friends, I think I can easily say that especially in late pregnancy, none of them feels sexy; even the ones who are like a size 0 when not pregnant. It is so hard feeling good about your body during this time, no matter what size you are. I am expanding way faster with this pregnancy, which I am not sure I am really happy about, but I don't think I have gained much more weight than I did with my first (so far about 8 lbs, and I am 16 and a half weeks)

Try to do some things that do make you feel good, walking, light work outs, if these are your things, cooking, or baking (even some healthier items) - I have been reading alot. but that is probably more escapism than anything.

[Katico]

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

The thing that really helped me was to purposely choose maternity styles or styles that look more maternity (for my build that is anything with an empire waist or rouching above the breasts) & rub my belly a lot so there was no doubt I was pregnant & not just gaining.

Yup!

It really is very hard when you don't get that typical pregnant belly. With my first pregnancy I wore my pre-pregnancy pants and jeans the whole 10 months, unbuttoned at the very end, and many of the same shirts.   All these pretty girl pregnancy blogs out there with daily fashion shoots showing how they are "dressing the bump" make me feel really hateful.  

Everyone wants to talk about the belly, and there is so much talk focused on your body, which can be really hard when you try to avoid talking or thinking about it.

I also found it really difficult to go through all of the exams and ultrasounds and blood pressure checks (asking for them to use the large cuff so it would be accurate)- so many strangers touching and seeing your body..  Super hard.  And I always felt like they were expecting me to eat poorly and endanger my child's health , which just wasn't the case at all.  

I got a wonderful doctor near the end of my first pregnancy and have been with her ever since, and so far it has been easier to deal with the second time around.  I know it's all worth it.  And I know that my body grew the most amazing and healthy and beautiful baby the first time around, so I know it can do it's job again.

But I would give anything to have that beautiful pregnant basketball belly, and glow for 9 months.  

[lifeguard]

Originally Posted by Katico 

I also found it really difficult to go through all of the exams and ultrasounds and blood pressure checks (asking for them to use the large cuff so it would be accurate)- so many strangers touching and seeing your body..  Super hard.  And I always felt like they were expecting me to eat poorly and endanger my child's health , which just wasn't the case at all.  

Oh my, how this rings true ime. My ob the first time around was FABULOUS but the endocrinologist that he sent me to when I developed GD was awful. It took us a really long time to get my blood sugars "under control" (the numbers he wanted were VERY low) & despite e-mailing him daily & constant appt's where I would be in tears over this issue he still didn't believe I was eating as I said. He actually hospitalized me for 3 days over this. The first day they did nothing but feed & monitor me (fwiw they fed me MUCH more carbs than I had been eating) after which he came in, looked at my numbers & said "OH". We immediately switched the insulin & the numbers immediately came under control. It was very clear to me that all of that could have been avoided if he'd actually believed me.

This time around I have a different ob but I have a good feeling about him & so far he hasn't cared about my weight at all. In fact before I got pregnant (we were doing fertility treatments with him) when I mentioned I was working on my weight he merely shrugged & said he didn't feel it made a difference either way.

[emmaegbert]

I'm having some issues around this, in 2010 I had JUST lost IDK exactly, but close to 40lbs, getting me back to pre-baby #1 size and into size 12 clothes, so basically, not plus size for the first time in 6 years. For me it was pregnancy and PP that caused me to get heavy in the first place so its definitely hard to be pregnant w/ unplanned #3 and thinking about having to do the hard work all over again to lose the weight again. MW has been helpful talking to me- I think PPs are right that having the right caregiver is one important piece. I have no  other words of wisdom, unfortunately.

I also wish I had more pics of me with both my previous pregnancies.

[AKChix0r]

although not currently plus size, I have a complicated weight history and will never mentally be "thin."

I was a 120lb 11 year old, 215 pounds when I graduated high school, and 265 pounds when I had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago. I got down to 161, went back up to 195, went down to 172, then met my husband and slacked on my workouts ending at 184 when I got my BFP. I was (am?) a size ten, but with huge rolls of fat, sagging skin I've never felt confident or comfortable with my body. I started crying while shopping for maternity pants because I feel bigger now than I did when I was a size 20. My fat is being pushed out right now, and it is not the smooth, round baby bump. It is two big fat rolls with a crease in the middle at my belly button. I have been trying to find ways to smooth it into one lump (sticking my gut out works a little) but I am so insecure that I might even skip a luncheon today because I just feel ugly.

Combine my already out of control body issues with the pregnancy acne, and I'd really just like to stay home for the next six months. Every "belly" pic I take makes me feel worse. I just hope I feel good enough to work out after the baby comes. I've only gained 3lbs, but with 25 weeks to go, I'm really worried....

[akind1]

Much as I really don't like them, I found the over belly maternity pants help smooth the two bumps into more like one bump. I will start doing belly pics at 20 weeks (about 3 weeks to go!). I have some from my first pregnancy though:

36 weeks: http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg125/akind1/36wbandw.jpg

30 weeks:http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg125/akind1/Katrina30weeks.jpg

23 weeks: http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg125/akind1/meat23weeks.jpg

I didn't try to do much with my hair when pregnant with my first, I am working on it this time though, so at least I can be cute from the neck up :)

[Earthmamajen]

I think I'm finally glad to be an older mom, I've found the advantage. I think it's that I've let go of most of my body issues. I weigh about 220 and I'm around 5'8.5".... So I'm normally around a 16. I think i have gained around 10 of those since becoming pregnant but I'm not sure because normally I don't weigh myself. After years of yo-yo up and down weights....I decided that the most unhealthy thing for me was the constant self punishment and living by the scale. I stopped eating sugar, started walking every day, took a dance class.....and stayed the same size but felt eons better about myself...and then..I fell in love.... I gotta say that being pregnant with a man who is in love...tells me I'm beautiful and sexy and that he loves my body, and is super excited about this pregnancy is the most amazing experience...great for my body image, but I had to get there first, I think.....he sees it cause I first saw it....dunno if that makes sense......and I know it's way easier said than done.....for me it was 1. Stop weighing. 2. Sugar was super hard on my self esteem...not the same for everyone but I'm kind of an addict . 3. Move my body in enjoyable ways every day!
Blessings on your journey. You are beautiful and your body is doing what it was designed to do!

[famille_huggins]

I'm a roundish mom, and one thing that helped me during my last pregnancy was wearing maternity Spanx.  I picked up a pair at Motherhood maternity, and when I wanted people to know I was pregnant and not just fatter, I'd slip them on.  They smoothed my tummy rolls and made me look like I had that coveted belly bump.  They were neither hot nor uncomfortable, and they really made me love my changing body -- which reminds me, I need to pick up a new pair for this pregnancy. ;)

[DragonflyMom]

I really appreciate all the responses and advice I have gotten from you guys, I have tried to take a hiatus from...everything since posting this so I lost track of the thread until now.

Im thinking Im going to bring up my depression with my OB this Wednesday as it has gotten to the point that Im sleeping in until 12-1pm in the afternoon and thats usually my first sign that Im depressed.

I ordered a pair of materinity spanx as I usually wear a body shaping camisole for modesty reasons and its starting to get a little...tight lol!

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by DragonflyMom 

I really appreciate all the responses and advice I have gotten from you guys, I have tried to take a hiatus from...everything since posting this so I lost track of the thread until now.

Im thinking Im going to bring up my depression with my OB this Wednesday as it has gotten to the point that Im sleeping in until 12-1pm in the afternoon and thats usually my first sign that Im depressed.

I ordered a pair of materinity spanx as I usually wear a body shaping camisole for modesty reasons and its starting to get a little...tight lol!

Glad to hear you took a hiatus... I find those important to do.

Mentioning your depression is a positive move.  Cannot hurt, KWIM?

I wish I knew about maternity spanx while pregnant! 

[lifeguard]

Ok - I totally had never heard of maternity spanx! I am doing a lot of yoga pants lately & instead of folding the top like you're supposed to I pull them all the way up (yep - to my bra!) & that smooths things pretty well.

Oh, please check with your doctor about the depression. As someone who has spent waaaaay to many years suffering with depression I have learned that the best approach is to attack it early & hard. I hope you can find a good solution.

[nmouse]

I agree with Xantho--try to give yourself a break!

I endorse a fake-it-till-you-make it approach to loving larger bodies. Whenever you see yourself in the mirror tell yourself (even if silently) that you are beautiful, sexy, and vibrant, that having a belly makes you hot, fertile, abundant, etc. Also it helps to do this anytime you notice "bad body" thoughts. Our ideas about beauty and body size are all from our culture, and culture is malleable and can be what you make it. There is also culture out there to support the practice of finding beauty in being plus sized. Try looking at adipositivity. Though not maternity, I think the photos there are wild and beautiful; they open my eyes. 

Another piece of good advice I saw above was to give up weighing. I don't think it adds much, and it subtracts a lot of mental health. Instead of weighing, you might make yourself a Yay scale, and you can ask ask caregivers either not to weigh you or tell them you will stand on the scale backward and prefer they not read the weight to you, because it triggers body image concerns. 

Also I agree with the other posters on eating a variety of nourishing foods and finding pleasurable exercise for your health. That is part of loving yourself too, plus healthier baby & easier delivery! 20 minutes a day of light/moderate walking or other movement you like really does make a difference for your blood sugar, if you are concerned with maintaining metabolic fitness (which is distinct from aerobic fitness) and preventing GD. And you can do that in 10 minute jots; the effects are cumulative. Off to take my own advice...

[Katico]

Originally Posted by nmouse  Try looking at adipositivity. Though not maternity, I think the photos there are wild and beautiful; they open my eyes. 

I......think this is one of the most amazing things I have seen on the internet

Look at these lovely people - they are so beautiful with their partners and their homes and their lives.......gorgeous.....why is it so hard for me to imagine looking in the mirror and feeling that same admiration?

[akind1]

though not specifically targeted at plus size women (there are pictures of mamas of all shapes and sizes) I really do like this site: http://theshapeofamother.com, also has some good stories/background on the mamas.

[Katico]

I just read through the belly picture thread....geez...I so wish I had something to show for my 16 weeks :(

How are you ladies doing?  

I went shopping yesterday, needing new shirts and capris for summer.  I bought things with a  bit of extra room but not much, since I don't know what this pregnancy is going to look like!  I am determined, though, to feel as attractive as I can this summer.  I have always felt like.......if it looked like I was trying to look nice it was almost more laughable, you know?  Like, 'who does she think she's fooling?  Look at her!'  Like.... looking like I understood that there was no 'pretty' or 'attractive' possible for me was more acceptable or something.

Well forget that!  I even bought a sundress!

[nmouse]

yay sundress! I wear almost exclusively dresses that fit my chest and flow down over the rest of me. A few are getting a little cramped in the boob area these days, but I expect my torso can grow like crazy and I will not have to change my wardrobe. 

even if it is not the typical "bump" Katico, you definitely have something to show for your pregnancy by 16 weeks. I am at 16 weeks and my middle is bigger by 2 inches. Though my weight hasn't budged and there's no "bump," things are definitely going on in there. I wish we had a plus size pregnant belly thread so we could share the diversity of plus size pregnancy bellies! 

[akind1]

I also wear a lot of dresses; they needn't be maternity dresses, just ones with room to grow, which is great, as it means I can use them after. If you can find ones that have a wrap style at the top, they work great for nursing, too!

The local maternity consignment store owner says plus size clothes are the hardest to find, and what she has the most demand for, especially career wear. Hence, dresses for me. (if you paired with a good jacket or blazer, perfect for even a dressy office, which mine is not)

Thankfully, I really haven't gained much, maybe 5 lbs at the very beginning, but nothing since my 8 week appointment. all my fluff just gets moved above the waistband to make room for the baby below.