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Share Your Thoughts: Hot pink-toenailed boy in J. Crew ad sparks controversy - Page 2

post #21 of 38

Hey, i had 2 sons and put them in pink onesies and they BOTH GREW VAGINAS!  I mean that's what we're worried about here right?  That boys will do something that's "for girls" and then somehow become girls or lose their precious, fragile masculinity.  nut.gif

 

I think there is nothing wrong with a parent painting their kids nails (any sex, any colour).  I do think though that when this makes the big news sites there is something wrong with the MEDIA.

post #22 of 38
There are two issues here and they don't really go together. One is a preschooler who just wants to have fun and wants his toes a bright color because it's fun, and he is too young to care that it's supposed to be for one gender.

The other issue that has been getting a lot of press lately are the little rainbow boys. Boys like my son who have passed the age of just fun because it's fun, and who actively prefer girly toys and things. My boy is 8 and wants his fingernails pink all the time. On occasion I let him. His favorite colors are pink and purple and he loves makeup. He knows it's girly but still likes it. He's my third son, and all of them at 3 or 4 would have wanted polish on their toenails for fun. But around 5, they would have refused the pink balloon even if it was the last one available. My youngest son at 8 only wants the pink balloon.

We who are trying to parent little rainbow guys have a harder time because we know that after the age of 5 or 6, we may be looking at a boy who will be gay, but we want to keep all sexuality out of it as our kids are innocent and deserve a free and innocent childhood. But we have to prep them and explain to them that when their friends see them in girly things, they might laugh, they might ask questions, they might even ask if you are a girl.

And of course we get crap from other adults, as if forbidding our kids from playing thusly will keep them straight. Yeah, right.

The only great thing is that sometimes adult gay men will get tears in their eyes when they see what I support in my son, and openly praise me and wish their mothers had been as accepting.
post #23 of 38

My 3 year old son loves "sparkle toes." My only concern would be if 1) the parent was using regular quite-toxic nail polish and 2) applying it often. I am personally not a fan of dark nail colors on children so I limit it to clear, pinky beige and the most loved sparkle spink and when old enough to not pick at it/consume.

post #24 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fulhouse View Post

We who are trying to parent little rainbow guys have a harder time because we know that after the age of 5 or 6, we may be looking at a boy who will be gay, but we want to keep all sexuality out of it as our kids are innocent and deserve a free and innocent childhood. But we have to prep them and explain to them that when their friends see them in girly things, they might laugh, they might ask questions, they might even ask if you are a girl.
 

Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".

post #25 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".


Wow, I never expected to be met with meanness on this forum. That is sad.

People who have little elementary aged children who like gender opposite things have no idea if their children will grow up to be gay, but certainly there is research evidence that they might. And these parents are given an inkling of it. If you have a gender "norm" elementary age kid, of course they still might grow up to be gay, but the parent of course has no inkling.

I don't think I said anything to deserve your mean response.
post #26 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fulhouse View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".


Wow, I never expected to be met with meanness on this forum. That is sad.

People who have little elementary aged children who like gender opposite things have no idea if their children will grow up to be gay, but certainly there is research evidence that they might. And these parents are given an inkling of it. If you have a gender "norm" elementary age kid, of course they still might grow up to be gay, but the parent of course has no inkling.

I don't think I said anything to deserve your mean response.

I don't think that Musician Dad was being mean, merely pointing out that gender roles are not always tied to gender preference. Assuming that they are merely adds fuel to the fire that allowing things like pink nail polish might "turn" someone gay. Many boys who know that they are gay will actually strive for ultra masculine behavior to try and blend in. I think that is what MD is trying to say.

Kudos from me on parenting your little boy. It has to be hard knowing all the angst the world has in store for his identity choices.
post #27 of 38

Did any of you see this? Mod's, not sure if this okay, if not feel free to remove...http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-april-13-2011/toemageddon-2011---this-little-piggy-went-to-hell

 

I don't think I could stand the news if it weren't for The Daily Show winky.gif

post #28 of 38


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".


Musician Dad, it sound s to me as if Fullhouse is really coming from a maternal instincts point of view with her son. Though I think the important aspect of what she conveyed is that she is nurturing him outside the expectations of mainstream society. I know from experience that with family, friends and (sigh) complete strangers in a parents face over alternative choices it can be exhausting for any parent. 

 

post #29 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fulhouse View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".




Wow, I never expected to be met with meanness on this forum. That is sad.

People who have little elementary aged children who like gender opposite things have no idea if their children will grow up to be gay, but certainly there is research evidence that they might. And these parents are given an inkling of it. If you have a gender "norm" elementary age kid, of course they still might grow up to be gay, but the parent of course has no inkling.

I don't think I said anything to deserve your mean response.


I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out that what someone likes has little bearing on their sexuality. I liked cooking and I liked pink... I also liked hunting bugs, playing in the mud, and wrestling.  In fact most of my preferred activities growing up were considered "all boy" things. I happen to be gay. A good friend of mine was the exact opposite. Everything was about pink, and purple, and dolls and playing house...

 

Liking "girls stuff" doesn't make a boy gay, it doesn't indicate a boy is gay, it doesn't factor into sexuality at all. The only people I have heard say otherwise are the ones claiming your child straying outside of predetermined gender lines are exhibiting "pre-homosexuality" (what ever the hell that is) and should be corrected. These seem to be the only people who have access to the "research" that says preferences determine sexuality too.

 

That you let your son enjoy what he likes is great, really, but it doesn't negate the problem of associating sexuality with the social construct of gendered activities. It's one of the important things to remember when parenting a child who goes against gender assigned likes and dislikes, so that child doesn't grow up thinking that his preferences for entertainment and his preferences for love are somehow connected.

 

post #30 of 38

Most parents don't think their child could be gay, or lesbian, or bisexual, or trans, or queer... It's something people think happens to "someone else".

post #31 of 38


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fulhouse View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".




Wow, I never expected to be met with meanness on this forum. That is sad.

People who have little elementary aged children who like gender opposite things have no idea if their children will grow up to be gay, but certainly there is research evidence that they might. And these parents are given an inkling of it. If you have a gender "norm" elementary age kid, of course they still might grow up to be gay, but the parent of course has no inkling.

I don't think I said anything to deserve your mean response.


Could you direct us to any of that research? I'd be really interested to see it.


As parents, we can presume we have inklings about all sorts of aspects of our children's futures...and sometimes we are right...and often we are wrong. Unfortunately, in a society where homophobia is rampant, it takes courage to parent a child who steps outside of gender norms, which sadly (for boys especially) are ridiculously narrow. It takes courage AND wisdom to stay open to all the possible things that our children can be, and to embrace all of it in its time.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post




I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out that what someone likes has little bearing on their sexuality. I liked cooking and I liked pink... I also liked hunting bugs, playing in the mud, and wrestling.  In fact most of my preferred activities growing up were considered "all boy" things. I happen to be gay. A good friend of mine was the exact opposite. Everything was about pink, and purple, and dolls and playing house...

 

Liking "girls stuff" doesn't make a boy gay, it doesn't indicate a boy is gay, it doesn't factor into sexuality at all. The only people I have heard say otherwise are the ones claiming your child straying outside of predetermined gender lines are exhibiting "pre-homosexuality" (what ever the hell that is) and should be corrected. These seem to be the only people who have access to the "research" that says preferences determine sexuality too.

 

That you let your son enjoy what he likes is great, really, but it doesn't negate the problem of associating sexuality with the social construct of gendered activities. It's one of the important things to remember when parenting a child who goes against gender assigned likes and dislikes, so that child doesn't grow up thinking that his preferences for entertainment and his preferences for love are somehow connected.

 


I totally get where you are coming from, Musician Dad. I was both tomboy and ballet enthusiast growing up, equally comfortable playing in the mud and flouncing around in a tutu. Does any of that have anything to do with the fact that I'm a lesbian? I really doubt it.

post #32 of 38

I just watched that bit from the Daily Show! Hahahahahahahaha!

 

ROTFLMAO.gifjumpers.gif

post #33 of 38


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CI Mama View Post

 I was both tomboy and ballet enthusiast growing up, equally comfortable playing in the mud and flouncing around in a tutu. Does any of that have anything to do with the fact that I'm a lesbian? I really doubt it.



Well maybe if you played in mud while flouncing around in a tutu. Or it would just make me wonder if you're my brother in disguise. I seem to remember him (totally straight) playing in the mud in a ratty pink tutu and superman cape once or twice.

post #34 of 38

I was a stereotypical doll-loving pink-obsessed ballet-dancing little girl...   Now I can't stand pink, and I am partnered with a woman.  I knew several little boys who loved dressup and pink past the age where it was "normal", and all happened to turn out straight.  I also think people seem to be getting sexual orientation and gender identity all mixed up here. (as usual)

 

The pink toenail thing is absurd.  If either of my sons ever wants pink toenails, I'd be happy to oblige.  Right now their toes are painted (blue and green) so I can tell them apart. 

post #35 of 38


Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGirls View Post

The pink toenail thing is absurd.  If either of my sons ever wants pink toenails, I'd be happy to oblige.  Right now their toes are painted (blue and green) so I can tell them apart. 

 

 lol.gif

 

Seriously, WHO CARES?  I think the media just wants to make a big deal out of nothing--let's make a J. Crew ad NEWS!! Let's find something we haven't seen yet this week and make a big deal out of it.  

post #36 of 38


I hate this whole ''controversy'' too. Gah.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nocturne1980 View Post

To each his/her own. Personally I wouldn't paint my son's toenails any color. Or pierce his ears for that matter. My family and I are okay with gender roles. What others do is their business.


May I just ask what you would say to a son of yours that wanted you to paint their toenails?

 

post #37 of 38
I wish we could evolve past "boy stuff" and "girl stuff". There is really no need to be labeling children's sexuality or expecting adults to conform to gender roles. This story shows me just how far we will have to go before that happens.
post #38 of 38
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post


I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out that what someone likes has little bearing on their sexuality. I liked cooking and I liked pink... I also liked hunting bugs, playing in the mud, and wrestling.  In fact most of my preferred activities growing up were considered "all boy" things. I happen to be gay. A good friend of mine was the exact opposite. Everything was about pink, and purple, and dolls and playing house...

 

Liking "girls stuff" doesn't make a boy gay, it doesn't indicate a boy is gay, it doesn't factor into sexuality at all. The only people I have heard say otherwise are the ones claiming your child straying outside of predetermined gender lines are exhibiting "pre-homosexuality" (what ever the hell that is) and should be corrected. These seem to be the only people who have access to the "research" that says preferences determine sexuality too.

 

That you let your son enjoy what he likes is great, really, but it doesn't negate the problem of associating sexuality with the social construct of gendered activities. It's one of the important things to remember when parenting a child who goes against gender assigned likes and dislikes, so that child doesn't grow up thinking that his preferences for entertainment and his preferences for love are somehow connected.

 

 

While I totally agree with your points, I also consider "hate to burst your bubble" as aggressive termonology to get your point across.

 

That said, it does really bother me how much some people identify behaviors that are totally SOCIALLY defined as masculine or feminine as having a deeper connection to sexuality, sexual orientation or gender orientation.  The entire "pink" thing is a great example!  There is no biological basis for pink being a girly color.  There is no evidence, or reason to think, that an innate love of the color pink has anything to do with sexuality or gender.  And yet, since for several years, our culture has identified it as girly many people seem to think it becomes biologically girly!?!?!

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