How do you successful parent 2 kids

[cassidy33]

I have a 14 month old and a boy will be 4 at the end of the month.  We homeschool and I love staying home with them.  My 14 month old is just as feisty as her brother and is into climbing on everything, walking everywhere by herself, and having temper tantrums when she can't do exactly what she wants.  All this happened suddenly about 5 weeks ago.  So, I realize her behavior is natural and I even let her take all the tissues out of the tissue box or unroll an entire roll of tape, but her brother is suffering.  I have to stay with her because she will get hurt climbing on things so I'm spending less time with him.  We are all always together but it is harder to have him do cool activities because she wants to participate and having her paint too isn't a quick 15 minute activity, it is a schedule changing event ending in all of us taking a bath.

He has always pooped in diapers and I didn't push him to go on the potty because he was against it.  About the same time she started trying to act like a big kid he decided he wanted to poop on the potty.  Then, he would only go every few days because he said it was hard to go on the potty.  I offered diapers but now we are in an awful mess of having to force him to poop while he is clearly trying not to and it is terrible.  He told me today he was doing that because he wasn't getting enough love from me.  Of course, I feel like a terrible mom.  I don't know how to give him more right now.  I am always either playing with them or taking care of their needs.  We have great friends and we get together with them regularly but I never ignore my kids.  I firmly believe they come first and I really love spending time with them.

I know I can't let my 1 year old get hurt, so how do I give him more when she is so needy right now?  I am an only child so I don't know if that makes all this foreign to me.

[Tjej]

Welcome to MDC.

In parenting 2 kids, both kids have to learn to wait and do things they don't want and to compromise.  Even the little one, IMO.  It shouldn't always be the older one getting the short end of the stick. 

Practical advice: baby proof one room.  Do stuff in that room with both kids.  Close the door and be in there together, but you won't have to be handling your 14mo and will be able to BE with the 3yo.

Do you happen to have a routine to your days?  Having predictable times where you will be involved in their play and predictable times when you will be busy with other things can make life a lot happier for kids. 

As far as chasing a 14mo around and letting them climb everything they want... I don't personally think you can "have your cake and eat it too".   You can't be shadowing your 14mo AND do things with your 3yo at the same time.  I think that having more kids means that in this case the 14mo has to learn safety boundaries earlier than your older child did, purely so you can function as a family.  It doesn't mean the 14mo can't ever climb, it just means that you provide a place that it is appropriate and allow it there (playground, a particular playroom in the house, yard, etc.).

It sounds like you also could use some "me" time.  You want to model healthy self-care for your kids, so even if it feels selfish, it isn't. :)

Tjej

[ElliesMomma]

use your daughter's nap time to do special treats with your son, such as the painting.

Edited by ElliesMomma - 5/28/11 at 10:08pm

[cassidy33]

Neither of my kids need much sleep.  The baby goes to sleep and wakes up at the same time as  her brother - we cosleep, and she only takes one nap a day.  We call it mommy time and we read during her nap everyday. 

I talked to my husband and we are gong to try to make some changes.  Preschool won't work for us because he is an introvert and he doesn't like things like that at all.  We have our group of friends that we see several times a week and that is much better for him.  He is also reading already so I couldn't find a preschool that made sense for him.  I'm going to see about getting a babysitter that can do things with him.  I have a stack of puzzles and things like that that I want to do but just can't because the baby tries to rip them apart and isn't ok with her own puzzle yet.

Our house is baby proofed except for the furniture, which is her climbing problem these days. My son's birthday is coming up and I got him a Leappad and a few things that he can do by himself.  I hate to have him do things by himself but I just can't seem to help them both at the same time. 

We just got over our first major illness so that is also an issue.  I had to the hold baby nonstop for a week while she had a high fever.  None of us is back to a routine after that. 

At least I have identified the problem and we have a bit of a plan but things are tough right now.

[Tjej]

You should find your way over to the Parenting the Gifted Child forum.  There are many moms there who have dealt with or are dealing with early readers and voracious personalities.  As far as preschools go, they usually recommend totally play-based for a variety of reasons.

Tjej