Am I nuts or...

[Jewels*]

Every time I'm at MILs (1 or 2 times a week) and I change DDs diaper my MIL wants to take DD to the washroom and WASH (with soap and water) my DDs whole diaper area... like hold her bum under the running water. 

This just seems weird to me. But I can't really figure out WHY I don't want her doing it... so I tend to stutter and say uh uh uh ok a lot. Also, huge language barrier between her and I.

A little background on my MIL - she is obsessed with cleanliness - to the point that if a toy falls from DDs mouth onto her *sparkling* washed-almost-daily floor... it gets washed, with soap and hot water.  every. single. time.  I usually just sigh inwardly and thank her but i really feel this is in excess...

This just feels weird to me... but maybe I just need to relax. What do you think?

[fancyoats]

i rinse my dd2's bum under the faucet when she has a poop, because i feel it does get cleaner than just using a wipe.  but i don't use soap because soap isn't good for all the good flora that are so important to keep things in balance.  plus it can be irritating.  it definitely seems like overkill, especially if she is washing after just a pee diaper too. 

[nstewart]

Well, likely over-kill but not harmful...if it were me I'd just let her do it since it's only once or twice per week.  Maybe change her diaper right before you go so there's less chance you'll need to change while there?  It is not the norm to rinse oneself that way in North America, but in many continental European countries using bidet after a BM is the norm.  

I often rinse DS's bum under warm water in the bathroom and towel dry.  We do EC and since he poops on the potty it's easier to just clean his bum in the bathroom than carry him to his room and use a wipe.  I don't usually use soap though (except in the tub, obviously!)

[Magali]

I wouldn't let anyone do that to my dd.  Well I guess if she had a major poop blowout (but if it was that bad I would just fill up a sink and give her a bath anyways) and I couldn't change her myself, but never with soap and not for just because that is how it is done.  All I use is a wet cloth (wet with water).  I bathe her now and then and that gets all the little folds clean.  No soap ever.  Honestly, I wouldn't let anyone interfere with how I change dd's bum.  Could be wrong, but it seems like you need to get some practice saying "no" to your MIL.

[Ginger Bean]

I use warm water for poo... I think it's gentler and works better. I've never been able to get my son clean without using like 10 wipes which is a waste and a skin irritation.

I think soap would be too drying and irritating? Especially just for pee. I don't think that's too good for your daughter, though I guess once or twice a week isn't the same as all the time.

Why does she tell you how to change your daughter anyway? She's looking over your shoulder while you do it? Then she grabs the baby and runs to the sink? No, I don't think you're nuts.

(Hey, you're in Edmonton! I used to live there... lived there for 8 years.)

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

If I can clean it with a few wipes, I do so.  If I can't - I strip and we both hop in the shower or bath.  I think what bothers me is not so much that your MIL wants your child clean (which is not a bad thing) but that she somehow doesn't seem to think that your way is sufficient and wants to usurp your parenting decisions.  That's not okay.  So no, I don't think you're crazy because to me, it's not about the bathing, it's about the boundaries. 

[lifeguard]

A little over the top imo but I also know a lady who did a full out bath every time her baby pooped.

[Ginger Bean]

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

A little over the top imo but I also know a lady who did a full out bath every time her baby pooped.

I hope her baby didn't poop more than once a day.

[FarrenSquare]

Its interesting you said there was a language barrier, where is your MIL from? Could it be a bit of a cultural thing?

My MIL is from Soviet Union - they just had different ways of doing things there and she is constantly asking me if I run my babe's butt under water when he poops. We just tell her how we do it and say we make sure he is clean in the bath. She also wanted to feed him water since birth and doesn't understand why we haven't started solids - sometimes you just have to say "This is the way we do things, and it's great! Thanks for offering to help!" Get your partner to help, if you need it.

ps- I am also from Edmonton. SMALL WORLD!

[craft_media_hero]

Maybe for a poop, but not for pee! I agree with pps on setting boundaries, just say, oh it's fine to just use a wipe for pee! and then proceed to diaper baby yourself.

[mom2happy]

Hey, if she wants to waste her time- who cares?

I would just make sure she is using a sls free safe for baby skin soap.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Magali 

I wouldn't let anyone do that to my dd.  Well I guess if she had a major poop blowout (but if it was that bad I would just fill up a sink and give her a bath anyways) and I couldn't change her myself, but never with soap and not for just because that is how it is done.  All I use is a wet cloth (wet with water).  I bathe her now and then and that gets all the little folds clean.  No soap ever.  Honestly, I wouldn't let anyone interfere with how I change dd's bum.  Could be wrong, but it seems like you need to get some practice saying "no" to your MIL.

ITA. I'm surprised at how many people would be cool with it. If we're at my IL's I change the kids in private. They have no business being involved.

[spargel]

Originally Posted by Jewels* 
 Also, huge language barrier between her and I.

Where is she from? I live in Europe and here, bidets are very important here. In my travels to Islamic countries, I've often noticed hoses attached to toilets to perform the same function. I'm guessing it's just a cultural thing. To me, it's a little thing, so I wouldn't sweat it since it's not like it impacts your parenting - it's just her personal quirk.

[Shaki]

That would bug me. I'm all for picking your battles and I allow the grandparents to do things simply because they are the grandparents and I want them to have fun... But it's mostly "oh let the grandparents spoil 'em a bit," type stuff. I wouldn't allow my in laws or parents to dictate how mt kids diapers were changed.

[Spirit Dancer]

I nver use wipes. I always just rinse the baby under running water. I would have no problem with what your MIL is doing if it only a couple times a week. But do what makes you comfortable.

[dovey]

At least she's helping out by changing the baby.  After our first, my mother in law told me that she would no longer change diapers, that she was done with that phase of her life.  Now, with our third baby, no one at all wants to change or bathe or dress him anymore except for me.  Family members want to hold him when he's happy for a few minutes, but now it seems like everyone is too busy to help with the everyday things like changing diapers.  If I were you, I'd ask her to use unscented soap or plain water so that your baby won't get a rash.  And I'd give her a hug for loving and taking care of your baby.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by dovey 

At least she's helping out by changing the baby.  After our first, my mother in law told me that she would no longer change diapers, that she was done with that phase of her life.  Now, with our third baby, no one at all wants to change or bathe or dress him anymore except for me.  Family members want to hold him when he's happy for a few minutes, but now it seems like everyone is too busy to help with the everyday things like changing diapers.  If I were you, I'd ask her to use unscented soap or plain water so that your baby won't get a rash.  And I'd give her a hug for loving and taking care of your baby.

I don't think my parents or inlaws have ever changed my kids. Who wants to change someone else's kid? And they definitely have never bathed them, I wouldn't allow that unless they were watching them overnight or something.