Should I attempt a 2nd home birth if the 1st one went terribly?

[kr mom]

I realize only I can decide this, but I was hoping to get some feedback from mommies who've maybe been where I am today. And that is with a healthy & happy 10 month old who's labor & delivery was awful. Surprisingly, it was the mostly the homebirth part that was traumatic. The hospital and all it brought with it was a blessing and saved us both. I am so torn on whether or not to attempt a hb again for our next baby. I was wondering what questions I should ask myself that might help point me in the right direction. There are positive things that both home & hospital bring to a birth experience. And I am just so split 50-50 on which route to go. Anyone been there? If so what helped you decide? What was your 2nd experience like? ANY words of advice would be much appreciated.

[cinderella08]

I'm sorry for your bad experience mama :(

Can I ask, what about your homebirth went wrong?

[cocoanib]

Originally Posted by kr mom 

I realize only I can decide this, but I was hoping to get some feedback from mommies who've maybe been where I am today. And that is with a healthy & happy 10 month old who's labor & delivery was awful. Surprisingly, it was the mostly the homebirth part that was traumatic. The hospital and all it brought with it was a blessing and saved us both. I am so torn on whether or not to attempt a hb again for our next baby. I was wondering what questions I should ask myself that might help point me in the right direction. There are positive things that both home & hospital bring to a birth experience. And I am just so split 50-50 on which route to go. Anyone been there? If so what helped you decide? What was your 2nd experience like? ANY words of advice would be much appreciated.

 I have'nt been there and I'm sorry that your first birth was'nt a good experience.

Can you look at what went wrong with your homebirth and take a look at if those are things that can be worked out for the second birth?

If it's things that can be made better or done differently, then maybe that will help you decide.

[kr mom]

hi thanks so much for asking this question. It has made me stop and give my birth experience a lot more thought and question what exactly it was that was so bad and maybe how it could be different with babies to come. I guess other than my baby being asynclitic and having to transport for that because after 3 hours of pushing she wasn't coming out, I would say the main thing that made it such a bad experience was the care or lack there of that I received from my midwives. They put me on the back burner and tended to their personal lives before my labor. With it being my first baby, I really needed emotional and informative support and even the day OF my labor they didn't not drive over to my city for several hours because they had to take their kids to summer camp first. There are a dozen other things they did, like forget parts to set up the birthing tub, not do a follow up visit, etc. The list goes on & on. But overall I just feel so let down by them. I had put my trust in them 100% and they completely failed me. My husband says if all that had happened and I had been able to push the baby out at home it may have not seemed so bad or problems not been so magnified. But because after the long, hard labor which I did a lot of by myself without support, and then it ending in a transport to the hospital WHILE I was pushing in the car, walking into to hospital etc. and ultimately ended with an episiotomy and vacuum suction to help my baby out it just overall felt like SUCH a bad experience. But I am just thankful it didn't end in a c section. And I guess things could go much better with a different mw next time around, right???

[frugalmum]

I had a traumatic homebirth and have since delivered in the hospital.  You have to pick what makes you feel emotionally safe-- that is what is most important and how I made my decision.  My 2 births since then were uncomplicated and fast.

[Ravin]

Sounds to me like what you need are different midwives.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Two answers.  First, if you choose to go the homebirth route, you MUST have a new birth team.  You may have had the same issue of poor positioning no matter what, but if you are not confident that the care you received was the best you could have expected, don't hesitate to find a new birth team.  Second, there is a middle ground.  Do you have any freestanding birthcenters in your area?  This is the option I went with for my first, and although it also ended with a hospital transfer, I won't hesitate to do it again.  The facility has everything a hospital has except medical pain relief and an OR, but also has a beautiful tub, shower, huge bed, birthing ball, birthing stool, and just about everything you can think of to support a natural birth.  I know I wouldn't feel safe enough birthing in my home (whether I ACTUALLY am is immaterial because perception is reality during labor), and so the birth center made me feel safer without being in an environment where the birth is managed.  In my case, the birth center was only 500 feet away from the hospital also. Good luck. 

[MujerMamaMismo]

I would, if I were you. But I'd definitely put lots of time and thought into choosing new midwives. And if support right through labour - including in pre/early labour is something that you feel you need, I would definitely hire a doula as well. I don't think there are many (or any?) midwives who will attend in early labour, but doulas will.

From a medical perspective, it doesn't sound like there was anything unsafe going on in your labour and the only reason that you required intervention was the unfortunate position your DD was in. That bodes well for a straightforward, low risk birth with number 2.

I think the answer to your question will become more clear when this becomes a reality, rather than hypothetical.

Good luck.

[cocoanib]

Originally Posted by kr mom 

hi thanks so much for asking this question. It has made me stop and give my birth experience a lot more thought and question what exactly it was that was so bad and maybe how it could be different with babies to come. I guess other than my baby being asynclitic and having to transport for that because after 3 hours of pushing she wasn't coming out, I would say the main thing that made it such a bad experience was the care or lack there of that I received from my midwives. They put me on the back burner and tended to their personal lives before my labor. With it being my first baby, I really needed emotional and informative support and even the day OF my labor they didn't not drive over to my city for several hours because they had to take their kids to summer camp first. There are a dozen other things they did, like forget parts to set up the birthing tub, not do a follow up visit, etc. The list goes on & on. But overall I just feel so let down by them. I had put my trust in them 100% and they completely failed me. My husband says if all that had happened and I had been able to push the baby out at home it may have not seemed so bad or problems not been so magnified. But because after the long, hard labor which I did a lot of by myself without support, and then it ending in a transport to the hospital WHILE I was pushing in the car, walking into to hospital etc. and ultimately ended with an episiotomy and vacuum suction to help my baby out it just overall felt like SUCH a bad experience. But I am just thankful it didn't end in a c section. And I guess things could go much better with a different mw next time around, right???

Sounds like you could have a wonderful homebirth with the right support people!

Wow, your midwives really did let you down and I'm sorry for that.

If and when you start interviewing your birth team, share your story with them and be very honest about your fears.

This way they know the kind of support you are expecting and need. Think about getting a doula as well. They can work with you before and during birth on baby positioning.