Ugh!! I could write this same post. We have already implemented the 1-2-3 magic system (Phelan... he has a DVD, too) and it was working great to reduce the yelling to almost zero. And now that she's approaching 4.5 things have gotten totally out of hand again. I know that some of it has to do with stressors in our lives right now (trying to sell our house, moving to another state, I'm pg with #3), but she is simply defiant. And it's not just telling us "NO!" when we ask her to do things. It's become destructive and a safety issue as well.
I will find crayon and pen marks on the walls, floor, and even on her bed sheets. I have explained over and over again where she can draw and I ask her to tell me where she can draw. She KNOWS. But it happens over and over again. We are trying to keep the house clean and tidy to sell it and this is just so aggravating! I have taken her art supplies away several times as a logical consequence, but a week later, I find blue crayon drawn all the way up the stair well. I want to scream!!! I don't feel like I should have to supervise all her drawing time- it's not really realistic when I'm also chasing after a toddler. I want her to be independent and be able to find activities for herself on her own and drawing seems pretty innocuous.
Then other day she asked to walk the neighbor's dog with our neighbor (this is something she commonly does), but we had to say no b/c it was dinner time. We explained why we said no and suggested she could ask to walk the dog at an earlier time the next day. She went outside to tell the neighbor and disappeared. She went with him anyway! We were shocked and furious. She had never done anything so defiant before and it was highly worrisome b/c she left our property entirely- through the fence- without us knowing until I went out a minute later to see why it was taking her so long. I feel like this type of behavior cannot be resolved with just talking, though we certainly did have a long emotional talk about it. She seems to understand in the moment, but I am not at all convinced that it stuck. We decided she could not walk the dog again for a week. I felt like that was a logical consequence. But again, I'm worried what will happen next.
What in the world to do????