I pick my battles but I have very strict standards for my kids' behavior-- no whining, unwarranted complaining, insulting others, no foul language, no eye rolling, sighing, and they are required to help with chores and do homeschool if they expect to maintain certain privileges like computer/ TV use. Gentle discipline and high behavior standards can and do go together! Too often people think gentle discipline means letting your kids run wild and never saying no. I say no constantly. But I don't spank, I don't yell (one DD occasionally makes me lose it and yell but not for a while), insult, or criticize beyond just plainly and calmly explaining that rude behavior is unacceptable and will get you nowhere in life. I'm not afraid of my kids or saying no to them.
The main consequence for bad behavior is loss of TV/ computer use. This rarely happens and usually only to one of my kids (the one who occasionally makes me snap and yell!). If things get worse, then a time out in their room (10-30 minutes depending on how bad it was) and beyond that an early bedtime. But the latter two almost never happen. I make no apologies for having high standards, I have too many kids to let them mistreat each other!