Interviewing a new pedi

[tammylsmith]

My old one was just too far away through annoying rush hour traffic. There are many closer to me, and while I like one of the docs in my practice, even she circ'd her two sons "for cosmetic reasons" and two of the others have said pretty biased stuff to me... my confidence in their knowledge of intact penises is not very high, even though when asked, the docs I talked to in my old practice seemed to know what not to do... I just worry that bias could affect prognosis and I don't want one of them saying something boneheaded to my son (like the doc who told me to "get it done" so I didn't have "buyer's remorse." )

In any case, I found a smaller practice, closer to home. Both younger docs, one of whom appears to be from a culture outside of mainstream U.S. (perhaps South American? Can only guess by her name and her husband's name from he bio) so I am hoping that maybe I might have better luck there. I am going to interview one of them on Tuesday. Any tips on checking for bias? What should I ask? Should I just voice my concerns and go from there, or should I try to find out the doctor's position first? Thanks!

[~Adorkable~]

You will probably learn more by asking their thoughts on a subject and hearing them out, than sharing your bias and asking them to respond. Does that make sense?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I agree I would say something like "I am having a boy and we will not be circing can you tell me how I should care for it and what to look for?" or something along those lines. You know what answers you want to hear and which ones mean you wont be getting up to date care for your intact ds.

[tammylsmith]

Yes, that is what I was thinking too... I want to get where she is truly coming from, and not alter her natural response. I just wanted to see what others were thinking because I want to try and find a good doctor that I can trust to build a partnership with. I want to start things out right in the first place!

[vachi73]

I am sooooo happy to see this thread!! I have been (hopefully nicely) bugging you to find a new ped, so I am thrilled you at least have a contender!

Personally, I am passionate enough about it that I would probably ask, saying something like, "Our son is intact and will stay that way. What is your approach to dealing with the intact penis?" or something very open ended like that (e.g., not a "yes/no" -- so not asking "permission" to leave your son intact).

Do you have any other questions -- for example, about diet/feeding/vaccines/etc -- that might also go alongside this? Or could you make one or two up? ha ha, like, "What is your approach to a delayed/selective vaccine schedule?"

Keep us posted. My fingers are crossed!!!!

[tammylsmith]

LOl Nope, always nice vachi. I don't know why it has taken me a year to finally decide to make the switch... there are sooo many doctors to choose from in my area. It's pretty funny, because apparently this practice gets so many new patients form my old practice that they keep their number handy for reference!  I did the interview today and met with the main doc, Dr. Nancy DeNicola (Holmdel, NJ). It takes me less than half the time to get there, and the office is small, brand new and adorable (with a model train running around the ceiling and a big fish tank, and a friendly main street town mural) They have a website and a secure portal where I can access vaccine and growth records and I can actually call--and talk--to the doctor herself, or email if I have a question and she'll respond! My old practice didn't have customer service anything like this.

More importantly, what I said was pretty much what vachi suggested. Her answer to me was that it is never her position to do anything more than advise parents and let them make their own choice (including vax. She has several patients who are not vaxed, and she follows a more spaced out vaccine schedule in any case, which is good, since I consider myself more in the delayed/selective camp), and circumcision is only cosmetic or cultural. She added that she's never seen an intact (she used the term uncircumcised, but I can forgive that) boy have a problem... but she sees problem circumcisions all the time. I was so happy when she said that part! She knew about intact penis care and is a very friendly and approachable person. I always suspected that doctors must see a lot of botched jobs, but to actually hear her say it that way "boys who aren't circumcised actually have far fewer issues with their penises than circumcised boys.... I see problems with circumcised penises all the time, but have yet to see one on an uncircumcised one."

I have yet to meet the doctor who I was hoping would have more of an understanding of intact penises due to her (I'm hoping) background in Hispanic (i.e. intact is norm) culture, but I am very, very pleased with how the interview went and immediately put in for a records transfer. I will still write a friendly thank you note to my favorite doctor from my old practice, and mention that bias is one of the factors in my departure.

[tammylsmith]

I wanted to add that, obviously I would have loved it if she said she was against circumsision and advised against it... that would have been a homerun answer... but she was very professional and neutral about what she said. I couldn't get a feel for her personal feelings about it, because I know she does have a sone but I felt that it would be inaproppriate to ask her that since it is really none of my beeswax in the context we were discussing things.  Even my trusted, intact doc didn't say anything like that and was very neutral. I am just happy to see that her stance on medicine in general is that she is more of an advisor than an authority. On a side note, my babysitter is 19 and has a baby girl near my son's age. This appointment, and my reasons for making it, led us into a good discussion on why it is really a stupid thing to do to your poor kid. Her only experience with it was her baby brother, who was circ'd, and she said that changing his diapers at first, and especially now that she changes my son on a regular basis... she really sees that there are a lot of questions in her mind about the necessity of it all. She doesn't want more kids for awhile, but I hope I planted a seed of knowledge that grows as she gets a little older. This is my first successful-maybe-I-actually-convinced-somebody conversation that might lead to a lucky intact little boy some day (I hope!) So, between the appointment and the conversation I had with my sitter, I feel pretty happy right about now!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Sounds like you found a great fit for your family with this new Dr. I would still be on guard about retraction at first until you make sure she is hands off or did she mention that in your coversation.

I am paranoid about retraction after having dealt with it not once but twice from 2 different dr's after them telling me they wouldnt do it.