18 month old sleep issues, naptime and nighttime

[sunnygir1]

Maybe this should go in Family Bed and Nighttime Parenting, but I thought since it is about more than just nighttime sleep it might more appropriately be here in toddlers.

To be completely honest, the "issues" are probably mine, not ds's. 

Anyway, ds is 19 months.  We are about 6 weeks into night weaning, which was going well, but now is not.  Ds has slept poorly the last 4 nights in a row, with last night being the worst -- we were up from midnight until 5am.  He is usually a good napper, but today is the third day this week that he has had a hard time going to sleep at nap time.  Yesterday, after an hour and 45 minutes of trying, I gave up and he didn't take a nap at all.

What do you do when your lo has trouble falling/staying asleep?  I have neck and shoulder pain, so walking him around for an hour or three is not really an option -- not that that would always work anyway.  I've tried lying in our bed with him, rocking him in the rocking chair, putting him in his crib (next to our bed).  I've tried giving him a bottle of warm almond milk or tea, offering him water and rice cake.  I've tried teething tablets, ear ache tablets, catnip tincture, and probably some other things I'm not thinking of.  We have a pretty good bedtime routine, but I might have screwed it up a bit by trying different things when he doesn't sleep for so long.

Potential factors:

ds is still working on eye teeth, and still has 2yo molars to bring in

he has a runny nose and cough -- maybe from teething, maybe from a cold

he recently had an ear infection, maybe this is another?

he has had loose stools the last few days, maybe sick, maybe teething?

maybe he's about to have a language explosion?  he has a few words and signs, but not a lot.

I do in home daycare and got a baby last week.  Maybe he is asserting his need to be my baby?

Sleep situation:

We have a crib in our bed where ds naps and goes to bed at night.  When he wakes in the night I bring him in to our bed.  Since I've been night weaning, he has been more and more going to sleep on his own lying in the crib, but lately that isn't going great.  I'm not sure what to try now, though.  At the height of our night weaning success, a couple weeks ago, he would wake, come to our bed, maybe fuss a minute, and go back to sleep lying next to me -- something he has never really done before.  It was so great!  Now it's just like nothing works.

Anyway, I'm tired.  He's tired.  I don't want to leave him crying, but I also don't know how to help him sleep.  I would never leave him alone and hysterical, but right now, for example, he's talking to himself in his crib.  He has cried a little for a minute or two, then stops.  I nursed him, he fell asleep -- he stopped nursing and woke up.  I nursed him on the other side and he fell asleep -- when I took him off the breast he woke up.  I rocked him standing in our room and he fell asleep -- when I put him down he woke up.  I just don't know what to do and it's driving me crazy!

Ideas?  Lay it on me.  TIA

[Ruby2]

I don't have any advice for you; I wanted to say that I just posted a similar story and feel your pain! You are stronger than me though, I haven't started nightweaning yet because I'm just too lazy. It has to happen though. I don't have a lot of milk left and it's really made it harder to nurse dd (16 months) to sleep. I feel like a horrible mom because she just can't seem to go to sleep without a battle any more. And she doesn't stay asleep either. We've had too many "sleep for two hours, wake for two hours" nights in the last two months for sanity. 

Dh and I just kept fighting with dd the other night and refused to give up for the first time ever. It took 2.5 hours. Most of it she was completely hysterical. We were with her the entire time though and she was never scared. Only very very very mad. It was horrible. Toward the end she asked to nurse and I let her and it started the whole process over again (though for a much shorter time this time). For me a big part of the problem is that she just wants to nurse and nurse and nurse while she tries to go to sleep and I just don't have the patience any more. It's uncomfortable and frustrating and I can feel my blood pressure going up and up and up while dd is getting more and more wiggly while trying to get more milk out of my uncooperative breasts...it's a vicious cycle. :-(

But any way! Last night was better. We're sticking to our guns and not letting dd get up in the middle of the night any more. And I'm determined to teach her ways to sleep without nursing. I've started unlatching her while she's still awake in the middle of the night and about 50% of the time, she goes to sleep...yay!

You can do it!

[sunnygir1]

Thank you!  You can do it too!

It sounds like you are ready, and maybe next time you try your dd will be too.  This is the third time I've tried with ds, and I am determined to make it happen, but he is also more ready this time.  I was so sleep deprived that I didn't care anymore if I had to be up for a week straight to make night weaning happen.  It took a lot longer with ds than dd -- more like two weeks than one.  But we're pretty much there now.  It doesn't mean he sleeps through the night all the time, or even that he never asks to nurse at night, but it's pretty good.

Last night he slept in his crib until after 5am, it was a miracle!  He seems to have a few good nights then a few bad nights.  I suspect teething, and maybe ear aches.  It will only get better, though.  I know that by the time he's 3-4 we will most likely be sleeping through the night most of the time.

I don't know what was going on that made it so bad when I wrote the original post, but it seems to be better now.  Poor little guy!  I can't wait until he can tell me more about where it hurts, what's wrong, and what helps!

[abigail_b]

All I can offer you is hugs and support! My 19 month old is also a terrible sleeper. I am determined to start night weaning soon because I just can't handle it any more. When she is awake, has nursed forever and still won't go back to sleep- my husband usually takes her into the other room to rock with her or lay in the guest bed with her. Some times it takes over an hour (after he usually having already been awake with me for 1/2- 1 hour). We would probably let her do more in arms crying during this time but I don't want it to wake up my 4 year old who still sleeps in our room.
We are totally desperate at this point, so I know I have to do the night weaning, but I fear it as well because I know it is going to be insanely difficult. Good luck!!

Editing to add- I have experienced first hand the fact that missing a nap does make the night time sleep much worse, so if you can try to really focus on the nap that might help you some. My daughter is usually very regular with naps but there was a time when she was sick and woke herself up from a nap with coughing- after having just gone down for 15 minutes or so. The times that happened she ended up with bad middle of the night insomnia.

[acupuncturemomma]

Just chiming in, as we are in a very similar situation to you all, especially abigail_b! My DS is also 19 months, and has frequent bouts of middle-of-the-night insomnia. I also try nursing for an hour to no avail. It's the only way to keep DS quiet enough to not wake DD (4 y.o.) I am so sick of the extendo-nursing that I started pulling DS off and letting him cry and fuss a bit; DD ended up getting such poor sleep that she and DH now sleep in the guest room in our detached garage!

So, I decided I was finally really ready to nightwean. Last night was night one of Jay Gordon's plan, and it went well. We'll see how it goes once he is actually cut off completely from night nursing.

It has taken me a few months to feel ready to nightwean; even though I wanted to earlier, I just wasn't emotionally ready. I am at a point now where I see how much our crappy sleep negatively impacts our whole family. I am just a cranky, impatient mama all the time, and never have energy for DH. I guess part of me is terrified that nightweaning won't fix our sleep! If that happens, wow, I don't know, maybe I'll be ready to consider food intolerances or who knows what else.

Thought about starting a "nightweaning support thread" over in the Family Bed forum...maybe there's already one?

Hugs to you all--I know how tough it can be.

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by acupuncturemomma 

Just chiming in, as we are in a very similar situation to you all, especially abigail_b! My DS is also 19 months, and has frequent bouts of middle-of-the-night insomnia. I also try nursing for an hour to no avail. It's the only way to keep DS quiet enough to not wake DD (4 y.o.) I am so sick of the extendo-nursing that I started pulling DS off and letting him cry and fuss a bit; DD ended up getting such poor sleep that she and DH now sleep in the guest room in our detached garage!

So, I decided I was finally really ready to nightwean. Last night was night one of Jay Gordon's plan, and it went well. We'll see how it goes once he is actually cut off completely from night nursing.

It has taken me a few months to feel ready to nightwean; even though I wanted to earlier, I just wasn't emotionally ready. I am at a point now where I see how much our crappy sleep negatively impacts our whole family. I am just a cranky, impatient mama all the time, and never have energy for DH. I guess part of me is terrified that nightweaning won't fix our sleep! If that happens, wow, I don't know, maybe I'll be ready to consider food intolerances or who knows what else.

Thought about starting a "nightweaning support thread" over in the Family Bed forum...maybe there's already one?

Hugs to you all--I know how tough it can be.

Thank you for your thoughts and support.  We've been doing pretty well on the night weaning, but still, it seems, we have a few good nights followed by a few not so good nights, and then the occasional horrible night.  I am so tired!  Dd was a terrible sleeper, and moving her to her own bed and night weaning helped, but what helped the most was waiting until she was 2 and then 3.  At 4 she wakes briefly once every week or two, but mostly sleeps great through every night.  I know ds will get there, too, and then I will be in better shape.  Just hang in there!