How do you handle criticism? - Page 2

[LiLStar]

 Your dad sounds great!! Hope he made that nurse think.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by HappiestLilMama 

I didn't circumcise my first son and will leave this next one intact too...and I am in the minority among my friends and family.  I get passive aggressive criticism in the form of stories about "friends of friends" who have had to have circumcisions later in life due to infections, and therefore it's so much better just to do it when they're babies.  In the past I've nodded politely but restated that we are comfortable with our choice, but I'm starting to realize that I am harboring some anger issues!  Especially towards my MIL, who never tires of 'warning' me with these horror stories, even though my intact son is 2 and what's done is done!!

What do you say to people who look at you like you're crazy for not circumcising?  I don't want to alienate anyone but I want to make it clear that I made an informed choice that I feel good about.  

IRL, my mom gave me the "it's so much cleaner" speech when I was pg and I told her that X was intact and it's fine and she dropped it. At this point when people try do say positive stuff supporting circ I either look at them like they have 3 heads or say something like, " so you want to cut off a perfectly healthy body part on a newborn/ non consentual child to prevent a hypothetical future issue" That or I just say "you fell for that old story?".

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by Sol_y_Paz 

It is not up for discussion.  If they try you can use one liners like: thank you for your interest.  

My choice.  

My doctor's recommendation.  

I didn't feel comfortable with cutting off a part of my baby's body.  

Then shrug and bring up another topic.  

And then they can come back with, "it was my choice to circ" or "my Drs recommendation". Both of which I do not accept as valid reasons so I don't like using them. 

Exact same problem with the "why are you so fascinated with my childs penis" argument. It's easily used by pro circers to put off intact discussion. Saving a child is the most important thing, so I try not to use ammo that can be used against our cause to protect kids.

[hakunangovi]

We were never subjected to any criticism, but had it occured, I would have been tempted to respond with something like "Do you really think nature made a mistake?"

[scottishmommy]

Originally Posted by LiLStar 

 Your dad sounds great!! Hope he made that nurse think.

I know, my dad is great!

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

And then they can come back with, "it was my choice to circ" or "my Drs recommendation". Both of which I do not accept as valid reasons so I don't like using them. 

Exact same problem with the "why are you so fascinated with my childs penis" argument. It's easily used by pro circers to put off intact discussion. Saving a child is the most important thing, so I try not to use ammo that can be used against our cause to protect kids.

good points both. I honestly WOULD say the penis fascination thing to a family member because seriously WTH are they so interested for. It's not like they are ever going to be involved with it..

I am novice in the circ argument department as I avoided it all by having a girl. Before we knew though DH and I went around a few times, shocking because he isn't circed.

I will think twice next time I engage in debate...I bow to your superior intactivist skills
 

[MsFortune]

I don't consider my son's genitals to be an area of debate or discussion. Just tell them to STFU and don't engage.

[ElliesMomma]

in all seriousness, i would tell her that the time for this discussion has come to an end. that your son is a boy now, no longer a baby, and he has an intact penis. you have decided to "take your chances" against needing circumcision later in life. that's the end of the discussion, MIL. thanks for caring about your son, but no more comments please. your son has his own ears and understands stuff now. and he really really doesn't need people in the family talking about his penis. thank you very much.

[ambivamom]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma 

in all seriousness, i would tell her that the time for this discussion has come to an end. that your son is a boy now, no longer a baby, and he has an intact penis. you have decided to "take your chances" against needing circumcision later in life. that's the end of the discussion, MIL. thanks for caring about your son, but no more comments please. your son has his own ears and understands stuff now. and he really really doesn't need people in the family talking about his penis. thank you very much.

Yes.  This.   I second the part about him being old enough to hear it now (which detail I missed the first time around.)  No More Talking about it, Thanks, MIL!!

[tiddle]

I didn't read any of the previous responses. If a female family member repeatedly tried to get digs in after ignoring several progressively less polite deflections, I'd probably tell her point-blank that a. I don't want to hear it, and b. she should walk the walk before talking the talk, ie. get circumcised herself.

[4myfinn]

Originally Posted by Sarah 

"It sounds like you are very concerned about genital infections." (let the crickets chirp)

"You circumcised your son. But he didn't circumcise his own son... how does that make you feel?"

This really had me lol.  I'm going to use these!

 

[SpiderMum]

I'd raise and eyebrow and ask "you know we have these lovely things called ANTIBIOTICS now, right?"

[hollywilson82]

Originally Posted by Cheshire 

Here's another if she is religious - Man was made in God's image, why would we remove something God put on there for a reason? 

I can't find it but a long time ago someone posted a link to a Website that lists scripture that supports leaving a child intact.  Anyone have it?

I'm not sure which one specifically you were talking about, but I like this one. http://www.drmomma.org/2010/07/biblical-circumcision-information.html

At the bottom it even has a list of relevant scriptures. I know this discussion is a month old, but I thought it might at least help someone looking at this in the future.

[mattemma04]

Have not had to say it much,but I have responded with," Why would I want to do cosmetic surgery on my son's genitalia?" For the horror stories I can toss back a few circumsion horror mishaps,and doctors who recommend circumcision as a treatment option when it is obvious that it was not necessary. We don't cut girls up,and we should do the same for boys when there is an issue requiring treatment. For doctors circ is still an easy way to *treat* problems with the male genitals.After all you can't have a problem with the foreskin if it is removed.

[erin057]

I will never understand why pro-circ'ers feel it necessary to bombard other parents with questions or horror stories about not circ'ing!

I haven't really had to deal with any comments, luckily!  DH and all his brothers are in tact.  My dad asked why we didn't do it and I told him there was no reason to.  He never said another word about it.  I've been lucky!

But if anyone every did give me hassle about it I would simply state that

1. I'm not Jewish or Muslim

2. It's not medically necessary

3. Nature knows best!  Foreskin is in place for a reason, and I intend to leave it that way.

What it really comes down to, though, is that it's none of their business!

[Rylins mama]

Originally Posted by MsFortune 

I don't consider my son's genitals to be an area of debate or discussion. Just tell them to STFU and don't engage.

Yup! People that really know me, know that if they make a rude comment towards me they will not receive a nice reaction so they just leave it. My Mom circed both my brothers and questioned me originally when I told her I wasnt doing it but it was a one time thing and she wasnt even rude just asked me why and if I was sure. She has always defended it since. My family pretty much all circed their kids but they are all clueless to it so they know not to debate it with me since I actually KNOW what Im talking about.

[lkvosu]

Originally Posted by erin23kate 

It depends on the comment.

"I know a kid who had to be circumcised and it was horrible" = I return with a story of a botched circumcision, head of penis lopped off, re-circing, meatal stenosis etc.   OR, if it hurts so much why would I want to do it to my baby?  At least your friend got pain meds.

"I like my circumcised penis."  Good for you, I'm sure my son will like his penis too.  He already does... I can't keep a diaper on this kid.

"Girls won't like it" - depending on who asks, I respond either "Natural penises are ribbed for her pleasure" or "Any girl who turns him down because of this isn't worth his time."

"He'll be made fun of in the locker room" - either, I was made fun of for having huge boobs in 5th grade - should I have gotten a reduction at birth?  Or, the national rate is 32%, he'll be the normal one and the circumcised ones will be the weird ones.  Or, anyone looking at his penis in the shower has a bigger issue than my son's foreskin to deal with.

"It reduces STDs" - Why do you think my boy will be a man-whore, or too dumb to use a condom? Or, I don't think he'll be having sex just yet - when he's old enough to have sex, he can choose if he wants it done then.

"It's gross/unclean/dirty" - I'll make sure he showers.

"God says to do it (or some version)" - We're not Jewish/Muslim, and if he decides to convert to Judaism he can decide then.

"He has a weird-looking penis." - Yours is the one that got cut up.  (I said this to my brother)  or  90% of the world's penises must be weird-looking.

Or, as PP said, "My baby's penis is none of your business."

I want to memorize these!  

[briannas auntie]

If your family bugs you about it a lot, have them read books or articles on the benefits on keeping a baby intact.  I recently bought two books on amazon.com: "Circumcision Exposed" and "Say No To Circumcision" for our natural healing shop that my friend and I own, in case we had moms come in who wanted information from them.  These two books are wonderful in terms of research and benefits of keeping a baby intact.  See if you can obtain used copies of these two books and show your family and friends some of the research in them.

My mom has also been on my case about circumcision, because I told her that when I have a baby that it was going to be uncircumcised.  She bugged me about the cleaning benefit and that my kid would have tons of UTI's and stuff like that, and that a circumcised penis look nicer.  I finally told her that I did tons of research and that everything she said was false. I even went into asking how she would like it if she was circumcised (clitoris and vulva removed), because it is just as dumb to do that to a girl as it is a boy. She told me that the babies don't feel it because my brother came back to my mom sound asleep.  I told her that the reason the babies are asleep when they get it done is because they are flat out exhausted from screaming and they are in shock, but she didn't believe me. Surprisingly, my mom told me that my Dad didn't want my brother circumcised, but mom insisted on it, because of what the doctors told her about cleanliness.  She then told me that it was my kid and I could do whatever I wanted. 

Just because others are not happy doesn't mean you should forgo your instincts.  Its your baby, no one else's.

Jessie

[philomom]

Show them all the cute merchandise on cafe press. To me that shows that this issue is finally hitting the mainstream.

http://shop.cafepress.com/genital-integrity