Are you often mocked for your family's eating choices? - Page 2

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Well I am sick of it personally but maybe my fam is more extreme with the ridicule...

The other day my grandmother told me to stop BFing DD b/c she is too old ect ect and then ends the "discussion" with "We don't live in a 3rd world country you know!" O_M_G

My sister complains about whatever we eat all the time when she comes over, We have 0 "snacks" b/c we eat fruits and veggies for snacks. All we cook is "health food" and she mostly eats take out so every time she comes she buys take out for herself.

I get the complaining of "You mean we can't even take her to Friendly's once a week?" NO absolutely not!

Every time I turn around someone is giving her a cookie or some ice cream behind my back, they d see her she brings up o not respect my parental decisions at all, but like I said that is in everything I do.

SIL is the absolute worst she tries to pin DH against me, she ridicules me to no end, I really feel like she is just evil lol. We got in a huge fight about circ b/c I had posted some anti-circ stuff on my FB for March. She still won't let it go. Every time I see her she brings up vax. She even asked DH to go with her to the store and she tried to talk him into going to court to get medical custody of our DD so I couldn't make these "dangerous" decisions for my DD. (she is a total dumb bum considering her father could just go get her vaxed without me if he wanted to) I am insane for not having my baby in a hospital ect ect. She is a medical ass. and she thinks she knows so much more than me (even though I was a nurse aide, EKG tech and phlebotomist for 5 years) Yet she thinks eating healthy is pointless and ridiculous. WOW. She is the type of person to ask her LO to eat dinner and then if he doesn't actually says to him "Will you at least eat some cookies and ice cream for me?" She says it doesn't matter what he puts into his body just that he is growing well and a good weight... Oh of course that is all that matters how could I be so niave?

These people drive me crazy! It doesn't help too that DD is only 21lbs at 18 m/o and 3ft tall, but she is tall and thin like her dad, she eats more than any other kid I have seen too and all of my friends say the same thing. She isn't the biggest snacker but she will really sit down and eat her whole meal. It is funny too b/c at home she will not eat any type of crackers or sweets or anything but very healthy food but when we are out she will pretty much eat what is offered. I thought it was so funny when we had a friend stay over and she was eating and giving her DD reeses peices and she gave one to my DD and she spit it out.

O M G I feel like this was my post. 

You are not alone.  Geez....  it is really disheartening to me to have to defend something like nursing and our choices on food. 

Love that your little one spit out the reeses.  Awesome. 

[Adaline'sMama]

Yup. All the time. We are semi vegetarian (for the most part, but we do eat local meat, and occasionally even non local). I have to be in the mood to eat it though, so I always assume that wherever Im going I need a vegetarian meal. But we have had times when MIL says things like "Welll, we could stop at White Castle, but Holly wouldnt like that.", making it my fault that no one else gets to eat gross, nasty, fast food.

[Sol_y_Paz]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  It helps to not care about their comments anymore.  Thought it is hard when people close to you try to push their food values onto you and your family though, as if you are not capable of making those decisions.  

[mommy212]

I get this a lot, but a lot less from my mom than when lo was born. When I cried to her because my milk dried up at two weeks, she said it was okay, I can stop BFing now because he got everything he needs... I didn't stop, just tried harder, but she has a really skewed understanding of BFing and how healthy BM actually is. When he starts to show signs of a cold she wants me to pump him full of OJ, like that's better for sickness than BM... lol. She also thought I was really weird to feed him all organic stuff, and how I emphasized that I did not want his first food to be cereal, and she just thought I was being dumb about it. She has gotten much better though, I know that she really does understand I am trying to do my best for him. She is also crazy about him and has seen how smart and strong he is. He also is so healthy; he just got over his first ever cold at 18 months.

My grandparents tried to feed him chips when he was 7 months old. Plain old lay's potato chips. To be fair I probably overreacted a bit, running over saying "no, no, don't feed him that!" but really... chips?

[tjlucca]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Well I am sick of it personally but maybe my fam is more extreme with the ridicule...

The other day my grandmother told me to stop BFing DD b/c she is too old ect ect and then ends the "discussion" with "We don't live in a 3rd world country you know!" O_M_G

My sister complains about whatever we eat all the time when she comes over, We have 0 "snacks" b/c we eat fruits and veggies for snacks. All we cook is "health food" and she mostly eats take out so every time she comes she buys take out for herself.

I get the complaining of "You mean we can't even take her to Friendly's once a week?" NO absolutely not!

Every time I turn around someone is giving her a cookie or some ice cream behind my back, they d see her she brings up o not respect my parental decisions at all, but like I said that is in everything I do.

SIL is the absolute worst she tries to pin DH against me, she ridicules me to no end, I really feel like she is just evil lol. We got in a huge fight about circ b/c I had posted some anti-circ stuff on my FB for March. She still won't let it go. Every time I see her she brings up vax. She even asked DH to go with her to the store and she tried to talk him into going to court to get medical custody of our DD so I couldn't make these "dangerous" decisions for my DD. (she is a total dumb bum considering her father could just go get her vaxed without me if he wanted to) I am insane for not having my baby in a hospital ect ect. She is a medical ass. and she thinks she knows so much more than me (even though I was a nurse aide, EKG tech and phlebotomist for 5 years) Yet she thinks eating healthy is pointless and ridiculous. WOW. She is the type of person to ask her LO to eat dinner and then if he doesn't actually says to him "Will you at least eat some cookies and ice cream for me?" She says it doesn't matter what he puts into his body just that he is growing well and a good weight... Oh of course that is all that matters how could I be so niave?

These people drive me crazy! It doesn't help too that DD is only 21lbs at 18 m/o and 3ft tall, but she is tall and thin like her dad, she eats more than any other kid I have seen too and all of my friends say the same thing. She isn't the biggest snacker but she will really sit down and eat her whole meal. It is funny too b/c at home she will not eat any type of crackers or sweets or anything but very healthy food but when we are out she will pretty much eat what is offered. I thought it was so funny when we had a friend stay over and she was eating and giving her DD reeses peices and she gave one to my DD and she spit it out.

This is why DP and I rarely see extended family anymore. It just doesn't work. We are too different and it makes them (on both sides, his fam and mine) very uncomfortable. We see them maybe once or twice a year and that is enough for everybody. We gave up trying to explain or involve them. It seems to be very threatening as if our choices being so different makes their choices wrong somehow. We have given up mostly. It can make one crazy!! We stay away from it fir sanity's sake. I think family are those who are willing to be supportive, caring and loving. That doesn't have to mean "family of origin" if it doesn't work (it doesn't work for them either). We have friends who totally get the way we choice to live and are supportive and fun to be with and that is enough for us. 

[Arianwen1174]

Originally Posted by tjlucca 

This is why DP and I rarely see extended family anymore. It just doesn't work. We are too different and it makes them (on both sides, his fam and mine) very uncomfortable. We see them maybe once or twice a year and that is enough for everybody. We gave up trying to explain or involve them. It seems to be very threatening as if our choices being so different makes their choices wrong somehow. We have given up mostly. It can make one crazy!! We stay away from it fir sanity's sake. I think family are those who are willing to be supportive, caring and loving. That doesn't have to mean "family of origin" if it doesn't work (it doesn't work for them either). We have friends who totally get the way we choice to live and are supportive and fun to be with and that is enough for us. 

(Emphasis mine)

Most of the grief and yes, some mockery, happened while I was still associating with my family of origin. The biggest incident that sticks in my mind was when the family gathered at a steak house for Mother's Day 6 or 7 years ago. My vegan brother was with us and even though I was not going completely meatless at the time, I opted to find a veg option to show solidarity with the other black sheep in the family . My brother and I pored over the menu assessing options--pasta but leave out the chicken, Garden Burger, salad, etc. As we were going over the menu discussing the best options, my aunt noticed and said in a very snide tone of voice, "I eat whatever I want!" Well hmmmmm, so do/did we! I was so irritated with her. She's teh one who has given me the most trouble over the years about my food choices. She seems to think that eating differently means not eating what I want (plus that thing about my different food choices somehow making hers wrong). My FOO also gave me (and my now ex-husband) grief about being vegetarian years ago. Especially when I was pregnant and our boys were really young.

None of my in-loves eat the way I/we do (and especially the way I aspire to) but they're pretty tolerant. Sometimes I wonder if my MIL gets a little exasperated hearing about whole grains/whole foods/whatnot but I think that might be more because she wishes she could eat that way (pain and energy issues get in the way of decent cooking for her even though it would help so much). I'm about to go gluten free though, and I won't be surprised to get a little flack now and then. Especially if we all eat out and I have a hard time finding to things I can eat. But my in-loves are SO much better than my family of origin. And at least a cousin is feeding her severely autistic son GF so I'll have a little solidarity there.

[Gator-mom]

Yea, I agree that trying to eat out is usually where the sparks fly the most. That is pretty bad, Arianwen, that your family had to go to a STEAK house of all places when your brother is vegan! Talk about a hard place to order!  I have had many of these issues..some with my own family and a lot with my in-laws.  I've been vegetarian or vegan for 10 years now.  You'd think they'd get used to it by now!  What always frustrates me is, when you are the one eating healthy, in a family who wants to continue to be asleep about today's nutritional health; YOU are the one who is expected to conform and make an exception 'just this one time'.  It often feels like, 'well if you don't like it, then don't eat', which isn't fair either.

My In-laws want our whole family to go to Mexico this year for Christmas. They are paying, but they want to do an all-inclusive package, which makes me feel like we will have just about zero food choices.  Even if they have vegetarian or vegan options, I'm pretty certain they won't be GMO free or organic!  While I would love to go to Mexico, I feel like I don't even want to go with them, because it's just going to be drama over food, drinking, etc. Plus, I'll be TTC this fall, and I don't think hanging out with a bunch of drunks while I'm either trying or pregnant and NOT drinking myself sounds very fun! I told my MIL this and she said, "well, that will be YOUR problem". I'd rather have them not pay for us (which means we wouldn't go, as we can't afford it) than have them shell out all this money so we can feel resentful the whole time! However, TELLING them this, might be drama in itself.

[Calliope84]

I think other people find it threatening and it makes them feel bad about their own food choices. Your choices make them feel judged so they have to mock to make themselves feel better. Because... processed food and factory farmed meat ARE gross and everyone knows they are not the healthiest choices. 

Btw, my MIL refers to me as "organic woman". She and my own mom say that if we are not 100% organic we are hypocritical and ridiculous and they give us crap about it. We think every little bit counts.

[CatsCradle]

I posted earlier and I have found this thread informative on how people feel about familial criticism.  I don't know, maybe I'm old and craggly and I just don't care anymore about what people think, but I feel like when family members jab DH and I for our choices, I chalk it up to our differences and I don't really think much about it.  DH and I come both come from very traditional backgrounds (both religious and culturally) and I think the reason that the perceived "mockery" and whatever doesn't bother us is that we have always been pretty confident in our choices.  I don't mind when people from our families think that we are weird (I know that they love us and the digging is part and parcel of being of family).  I would mind if they tried to somehow covert DD.  My family is smart enough to not try to do that, and they also have a certain amount of respect for our parenting choices.  The big difference for me in this conversation is between:  I'm being mocked for my choices vs. my family/friends are trying to convert and/or force certain eating choices on my child and me.  Mocking and dissing doesn't matter to me (heck I deal with that daily from people on the subway).  People undermining my choices by trying to force different values/choices on me and child (well, that's a different ballgame).  Mock me, people, mock me!  I don't give a D.

[tjlucca]

I've found that one of the toughest parts of all of this is it is very confusing to DD. When she hears the snide remarks or has people trying to sneak her meat at the table when I am not looking (yes, this has happened several times). She is confused by it all. We are not judge mental vegetarians. We raise her knowing that everyone gets to make decisions for their own body. And what others eat is up to them. So, what we experience with them is very conflicting for her, it's not the way she is being raised.  It is the same with home birth, co-sleeping, no-VAX, homeschooling, etc...

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by Calliope84 

I think other people find it threatening and it makes them feel bad about their own food choices. Your choices make them feel judged so they have to mock to make themselves feel better. Because... processed food and factory farmed meat ARE gross and everyone knows they are not the healthiest choices. 

Btw, my MIL refers to me as "organic woman". She and my own mom say that if we are not 100% organic we are hypocritical and ridiculous and they give us crap about it. We think every little bit counts.

[arieltron]

I moved across the country from my parents because I couldn't deal with the constant eye rolls and disrespect about my diet. In my case, It's not easy to just see family eating all these sweets and junk around me and constantly be offering it. I grew up with that stuff, and to be perfectly honest, I love it. But, I also love feeling good about what I eat and the food I eat now is delicious. Now I'm near a lot of extended family on my mom's side who think were dumb, but they love us anyway. So I don't hear to much from them. ( except about co-sleeping OMG)

 Oh, btw, MIL is amazing, supportive, and proud of our food and lifestyle choices. 

[Ravensong13]

I was having a conversation about this with a friend of mine the other day! I am an abolitionist vegan, and while I do let dd have some things 'junkie' ( like coconut ice cream, vegan chocolates, homemade cookies) I try to stick to whole foods with her. I've gotten a lot of flack from people in the past ( my mother has pushed the goldfish cracker thing too, lol) most of it stopped when I loaded myself up with studies that backed up my choices. The thing I find crazy is that EVERYONE makes choices as far as what to feed their children, but it seems that those who do what is 'mainstream', don't think they are making choices. Since when did being healthy or being concerned about animals become SUCH a bad thing? Heaven forbid I ever make a comment about someone feeding their child soda or meat, but the way I raise my child just screams, 'hey! come and make comments about us'?

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by Ravensong13 

I was having a conversation about this with a friend of mine the other day! I am an abolitionist vegan, and while I do let dd have some things 'junkie' ( like coconut ice cream, vegan chocolates, homemade cookies) I try to stick to whole foods with her. I've gotten a lot of flack from people in the past ( my mother has pushed the goldfish cracker thing too, lol) most of it stopped when I loaded myself up with studies that backed up my choices. The thing I find crazy is that EVERYONE makes choices as far as what to feed their children, but it seems that those who do what is 'mainstream', don't think they are making choices. Since when did being healthy or being concerned about animals become SUCH a bad thing? Heaven forbid I ever make a comment about someone feeding their child soda or meat, but the way I raise my child just screams, 'hey! come and make comments about us'?

I am totally on the same page as you! I am not vegan but we do buy from a local free range CSA and the animals are treated really well.

All of the mainstream people I know feed their children nothing but junk! Soda, goldfish, cookies, candy ect ect When ever I say oh DD won't eat that it is like I slapped them in the face or something! They are so quick to comment about how I am feeding my child all healthy whole foods and how she LOVES fruits and veggies. "Oh that won't last" or "You are going overboard with this" Really? Why won't it last if that is how we always eat? I don't secretly gorge on doughnuts every morning and DD will discover it and eat nothing but junk!

Then I have the friends/fam who say things like "EW is that organic you know I don't like organic food" or "I am not eating that if it's organic" or "organic food just tastes gross" Seriously? It is the same food just not GMO or sprayed with chemical pesticides!

It is our job as parents to do our best to shape our children's future and that includes food choices. I choose not to set my child up for failure.

[Gator-mom]

Originally Posted by Ravensong13 

I was having a conversation about this with a friend of mine the other day! I am an abolitionist vegan, and while I do let dd have some things 'junkie' ( like coconut ice cream, vegan chocolates, homemade cookies) I try to stick to whole foods with her. I've gotten a lot of flack from people in the past ( my mother has pushed the goldfish cracker thing too, lol) most of it stopped when I loaded myself up with studies that backed up my choices. The thing I find crazy is that EVERYONE makes choices as far as what to feed their children, but it seems that those who do what is 'mainstream', don't think they are making choices. Since when did being healthy or being concerned about animals become SUCH a bad thing? Heaven forbid I ever make a comment about someone feeding their child soda or meat, but the way I raise my child just screams, 'hey! come and make comments about us'?

I love your bit about making choices because it's so true!  I make a choice to eat healthy, organic foods and YOU make a choice to eat junky, pesticide covered and preservative infested food.  I think what everyone is saying about it making them uncomfortable is true as well.  I think as humans, we often judge the people who make us feel like we are doing something wrong.  So maybe it bother's me when I feel judged by other people for my eating choices because I judge myself for wanting to secretly indulge in junk food occasionally. 

I'm also with you, arieltron, on the having a hard time being true to my beliefs when everyone around me is constantly shoving junk in our faces.  The more I research, the easier it is to stick to it, but still, those old taste buds take a while to quiet..maybe forever!  I think it's really hard for Ds too.  He developed a lactose intolerance a couple months ago, so our whole family went vegan again with him (DH and I both used to be vegan).  Then MIL thought I was being a total PITA because I didn't want the extended family to order pizza, even though we could have gotten a vegan version of it, because I thought it was mean to flaunt the fact that Ds can't eat his favorite food anymore..cheese pizza!  It's one thing to to try to tempt me with it..I'm an adult.  But he's FOUR and he doesn't exactly understand what has happened to his body! 

[Ldavis24]

that is so mean to your son gator-mom! Poor little guy... just out of curiosity have you tried raw milk with your son? A lot of people who find themselves lactose intolerant have ZERO issues with raw dairy products because the good bacteria are not destroyed along with the bad bacteria in the pasturization process...Don't want to get your son sick but might be something to look into if you haven't already!

[Gator-mom]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

that is so mean to your son gator-mom! Poor little guy... just out of curiosity have you tried raw milk with your son? A lot of people who find themselves lactose intolerant have ZERO issues with raw dairy products because the good bacteria are not destroyed along with the bad bacteria in the pasturization process...Don't want to get your son sick but might be something to look into if you haven't already!

I haven't yet.  I'm not really sure where to find it right now and we are also pretty low income, so we have to pick and choose our good foods.  We have to grow a lot of our own and look for sales and what-not.  He seems to tolerate goats milk and yogurt a bit better, but that is also pricey.  I buy that when it's on sale though.  What's frustating about the in-laws here though, is they have repeatedly asked me if I have tried giving him dairy again..which makes me feel like they think I just made this whole thing up. My MIL has even given him conventional yogurt when he was over there without me, and he had a stomach ache and horrible gas for two days!

Ds has in the past been a pretty small eater, and when he was two after two boughts of the stomach flu in one month, he lost a lb or two, and everyone was freaking out.  FIL blamed it on us being vegetarian, when the REAL reason in my eyes was because we were living with them at the time, and they would offer him junk food (crackers, chips, candy) all day long.  So when it was time for him to eat the meal I actually thought through and made sure was balanced, he didn't want it.  He knew that if he didn't eat anything, then he'd get snacks later from Pop and Grammy.  I have seen his health improve as soon as we took all of the junk and the dairy out and we were out on our own.  I believe that he'd been having stomach aches all the time, and that was why he never wanted to eat anything substantial.  Now that dairy is out of the house and the junk food is gone, it's amazing to see how he eats, and what he will eat!  He looks healthier than he's ever looked before and actually has a small layer of fat on his body now, which had been lacking in the past.  So it's really frustrating to hear judgments and complaints from them about our 'lifestye' when, in my OP, the writing is on the wall!