Well, several hours later and I'm starting to think a little more clearly at this point. Basically the lady who coordinates all of the gifted options had the attitude that his MAP scores weren't there so we were wasting her time. Anything we tried to tell her he was doing was met with a look of patent disbelief and her opinion was clearly that we were another set of those delusional parents who have to have their boring little johnny in the gifted class. I haven't been patronized like that for some time. The possibility that he even may be gifted was basically shot down based on his MAP scores (which actually aren't low at all). His teacher, who has done nothing but go on about what a smart and exceptional little guy he is during every conference suddenly declared that he was very "average" once the T&G person was there. My calm and mellow DH kept quiet for most of it because he was afraid he was going to lose his temper and go off. No one likes to be treated that way.
Our son does well in a high achieving environment. We've seen it and he thrives. However, he doesn't like to stick out and in a regular classroom will do his best to blend in. We had a long discussion with him about that tonight and how if he wants more challenges then he needs to do his best and not what everyone else is doing. Currently their "advanced" in class program consists of tacking on 3 additional worksheets to his math homework. In order for him to be allowed to do anything other than the standard class - whether it be a math pull out to the next grade, the gifted pull out, gifted school, anything at all, he has to have high MAP scores or prove he's working 4 grades above his grade placement. For most kids it's 3 grades, but they're going by his age so for him it's 4. Really at this point it sounds like there is absolutely nothing we can do further to advocate for him. During the meeting his teacher did reassure me however that they're re-evaluating the curriculum so it will actually match what's on the test next year. I despise "teaching to the test" but by what she said, this school isn't preparing the students for what's on the test while the other area schools are, and yet those scores are their criteria for determining what a child can do. It really boggles the mind.
I did look up the state requirements for T&G testing and it specifies that several factors have to be used to determine if a child is qualified, including interviews, testing of different types, history, anything that may be a factor in different results (culture, etc.) and so on. That's just not happening here, so DH and I are deciding how much of a fight we want on this. It's not just our kid, but how many others are being short changed or put in an environment that's too challenging based on what they've been taught for a test? For now though, we're going to spend the weekend brainstorming. Anyway I hope this makes some sense.
Thanks for all the advice and letting me vent.