"mixed kids are cuter" ?! - Page 4

[2xy]

Originally Posted by indie 

I do think in general people like "mixed children" because they have white features and tan skin which is what is held up as the ideal in our culture.

Well...maybe. There is a lot of mixing going on besides just black and white, though. I do know some biracial people who are black and white. I also know biracial people who are Asian and white or Asian and black....and they don't have the sort of combination you're talking about. My kids have some cousins who have a white dad and Filipino mom, and their features are definitely not white....they are a mix of both. And yeah, they ARE beautiful girls. But there are other beautiful girls in our family who are not mixed.

And my friend at work, who is black and Chinese....looks neither black nor Chinese. A lot of Hispanics try to speak Spanish to her and call her Mami.
 

Edited by 2xy - 5/28/11 at 6:15am

[motherhendoula]

I realize this is a serious conversation and a serious topic  - but if i may make light for just a second....

My cousin is bi-racial and was, in fact, the CUTEST baby we had ever seen in our family ...(in a period of 6 years i had 7 cousins and 2 brothers born...out of all 9 J was hands down the cutest baby)  - the family still talks about what a cute baby he was. 

Today - he is a 30 yr old insurance salesman - and frankly, not very attractive at all. 

I have only heard that expression "biracial babies are the cutest"  once, prior to reading this post and it was from an older substitute teacher who (i think)  was trying to demonstrate to our Social Studies class  that she was in fact - not a racist -

As if by her saying this blanket compliment to all biracial children - she was ALSO saying that she 'approved' of the creation of biracial babies.  - this was quite a few years ago (early 80's) when - it seemed to me - many people were more comfortable with their overt and covert racism.  

[JFTB1177]

Well I have all boys but I get that alllll the time ("mixed babies are the cutest!") etc and it bothers me too, but I just shrug it off. People are always saying how cute our boys are (I am white/dh is black) and I know they mean well. But yes, it bothers me too. I usually don't respond when uncomfortable comments are made.

My youngest (4 months) has bluish-gray eyes and gets sooooo many comments about how beautiful they are (my other boys have brown like me- I think he got the blue eyes from my mom). They ARE beautiful but the fuss over them makes me uncomfortable, if you kwim. Even dh's family does it. I do agree there still seems to be a preference for lighter hair, lighter skin (among both white AND black people), which I think is sad. :( Once, dh and our 2 boys (before our 3rd was born and when DS2 was a baby) went to a cookout at his aunt's house. One of his cousins had also brought her baby boy, who was a few months older than our DS2. Her son is super cute, with big chocolate brown eyes, dark skin and long eyelashes. Everyone was standing with dh's cousin but as soon as I walked in with our DS2 everyone completely left that baby and her and surrounded our son and ooohed and ahhhed, and kept saying how beautiful he was and just going on and on. And dh's cousin was just sitting there with her baby by herself and I felt awful, I just wanted to crawl away. The entire time we were there everyone was making such a fuss over our baby, wanting to hold him etc, and no one was asking to hold his cousin's baby. I finally just went off by myself with DS2 because I felt so bad and I could see she was hurt (his cousin). I really felt they preferred my son because he has lighter and whiter features (actually makes me want to vomit just writing that), and these were black people!!!

[JFTB1177]

Originally Posted by JTA Mom 

My sons, facially, are quite similar. However my oldest has a light complexion (peaches and cream, I believe it's called), curly light brown hair, and big brown eyes. People comment all the time on how lucky he would have been if he'd been a girl. People still mistake him as female all.the.time. My youngest son has a medium complexion, dark eyes and dark straight hair. Still confused as female. I guess people think baby boys are supposed to look ugly or something?

Omg my boys gets this all the time too- that they would have made gorgeous girls (and my older two were mistaken for girls all the time, even if wearing all blue)! Um, boys can't be pretty??
 

[albafan15]

I'm polish. The guy that's the father is Puerto rican and he has some chinese ancestry. He's almost been the dark tan type with really black hair and smaller eyes. I'm only 16 weeks though. I don't really care but I'll be the first in the family to not have a blond haired blue eyed kid. I don't really think biracial or other races are less cute either way. There was this one baby that was ethiopian in phenotype and she was the cute baby I'd ever seen....

[whoami]

Saw this post and had to chime in because it reminded me of an article I read in a magazine a few months back about mixed people being thought of as more attractive. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100414092523.htm

I think there is some validity to it, but I don't think mixed people are necessarily more pretty. It's all genetics, whatever the background happens to be. This got me thinking..Last week I got my first comment in a while about race, but this time it was directed towards my 4 year old boy. The mom asked what race my boys were because she adopted mixed boys and thought my 4 year old was "strikingly gorgeous". I'm mixed, half hispanic, the other half I don't really know since my dad was adopted from Germany and brought to the states. We get a lot of comments on appearance, and it always makes me uncomfortable. Growing up I always got comments on like "what are you" and I understand peoples curiosity, but my mom would always reply with "a child of god". Honestly, I am happy that there are more mixed people than there was when I was growing up, but I really wish people would stop focusing on it. Interesting thread!

[eelownes]

I am the product of a Mexican father and White Mama. When you are pregnant, people have a tendency to say things to you that are surprisingly open and direct. Most people mean well, but can be awkward in their delivery. Your child will be cute, because she will be your child. Being biracial will always come with questions and curiosity. I must say, I am 31-years-old and I am still asked "what are you exactly" or "you are not Mexican enough" or my personal favorite "so are you American or what" and you just learn to adapt and come up with witty responses. 

Enjoy your new little one! 

[Aroha1970]

I am a New Zealand Maori. You know, the people that do the Haka in Rugby!! Well I am married to a caucasian man and my children are beautiful. Mixed race's make great looking people, it is true.Don't get me wrong. Whole races have a beauty too.But I think that when you have a mixed race, you join together unique aspects of that race and make a human that has a beauty all on their own. I too like how my skin is different to my mans, and my children have much more ancestry behind them, from both sides.

If a race as small as mine, ( we are just 8% of New Zealand) are to survive in any way, then mixing our race will be the answer. Generations away we may not look like a Maori, but we will always have a percentage in us.

[baltim0r4]

To the OP you are mad (and rightly so) because the little voice in your head is finishing the sentence like this, mixed kids are so cute ... cuter than kids that are all black. what if you thought about completing the sentence like this, mixed kids are so cute ... cuter than kids that are all white. How does that second sentence sound to you?

IMHO both sentences are true; all white AND all black kids are already plenty cute!  Mixed kids are a revelation, there is something deep seated in most of us that genetic diversity is a good thing (that's why most cultures have a taboo against incest). Don't let your own hangups get in the way of enjoying your motherhood and your child!

[matte]

I haven't read all the comments here, so I am probably not responding to them. I just wanted to say "Hi" to the OP, because I am white (German, mostly) and my husband is African (West). We are expecting our first in July. We live in upper Manhattan. Congratulations to you OP! Let's get some coffee or lemonade later in the summer with our 'cuter, mixed' babies, maybe in Central Park. LOL.

You know, I have oddly only gotten this kind of comment from some (lovely) Jamaican and Dominican women I work with at an education non-profit. One woman, who I really like, said "I hope you have a girl, because mixed kids are so beautiful." I thought it was a funny thing for her to say (I think I said something about how beauty isn't exactly wasted on boys...), but I didn't take it as offensive per se. I have had conversations with people in which I said how excited I was to find out what our child will look like, because my husband and I are basically physically opposite. He has very dark skin, is extremely slim (a sort of modern dance body), and has very high cheekbones. I am very pale (translucent, German), heavy/rounded (in a more pin-up way), and have a round head. Who knows what will happen.

People in this country do have an odd fascination with mixed kids, I totally grant you that. I wonder, though, were these people you are talking about in NYC? Maybe I run in weird circles, but I see a lot of international families, and most of them are more 'interesting' than my own: Korean-American/Indo-Trinidadian kids, Chinese/Nigerian kids, Nepali/Italian kids, Dominican/Moroccan kids, etc. So, you know... well, New York. Thank God for New York.

[matte]

Uh, but yes, also this:
 

Originally Posted by motherhendoula 

I realize this is a serious conversation and a serious topic  - but if i may make light for just a second....

My cousin is bi-racial and was, in fact, the CUTEST baby we had ever seen in our family ...(in a period of 6 years i had 7 cousins and 2 brothers born...out of all 9 J was hands down the cutest baby)  - the family still talks about what a cute baby he was. 

Today - he is a 30 yr old insurance salesman - and frankly, not very attractive at all. 

I have only heard that expression "biracial babies are the cutest"  once, prior to reading this post and it was from an older substitute teacher who (i think)  was trying to demonstrate to our Social Studies class  that she was in fact - not a racist -

As if by her saying this blanket compliment to all biracial children - she was ALSO saying that she 'approved' of the creation of biracial babies.  - this was quite a few years ago (early 80's) when - it seemed to me - many people were more comfortable with their overt and covert racism.  

I think that people say 'biracial babies are the cutest' about black/caucasian babies (which I have heard a lot, just not often directed at me, perhaps because people know better?) what they really want to say is "I'm OK with miscegenation! (uh, I think, SMILE)"  you know, "I like it, it's EXOTIC, which is COOL" um, OK. Gosh. There's a great thread on this forum somewhere about a MIL who goes on about this kind of business all the time to show how accepting she is of her DIL from another ethnic group. Yes, it's unnerving. I suggest a blank stare as a response. Though I'd also be tempted to say something along the lines of 'yup, just doing my part to end whiteness in America..." or something. Which would just be obnoxious of me...

[cappuccinosmom]

 Mixed kids are a revelation, there is something deep seated in most of us that genetic diversity is a good thing 

I totally agree with this, and I think it's the basis behind most such comments, and my own feelings.

I was not an  "ugly white baby", nor any of my sisters.  My brother is full Korean, and he was adorable.  Our church is racially diverse and there are babies in every shade imaginable, from full Ghanian to lily white Germanic blonds.  They are all beautiful.  I have yet to meet an ugly infant, truly.  And those older kids that I've found un-adorable, it was more to do with behavior than looks.

When I look at my biracial kids, or any other biracial kids, there is an attention-grabbing factor that doesn't happen with other kids.  For myself, I know it has to do with an interest in the genetics of it all.  But I don't think other kids are "less cute".  I'm a people watcher, and I love to observe the beauty in humanity in all it's forms.

[veggiemomNYC]

I think all children are beautiful but I have noticed that there are a lot of very popular child models who are mixed.  Even ones who model as full asian or full black, tend to be mixed. 

[Beppie]

Just wanted to add to the talk about the preference for lighter skin color.  DH is from India, where skin color is so entrenched in society.  The poorest are very dark, because they have been forced to do the menial labor outdoors in the hot sun.  And the Brahmins, high caste Hindus, are very light because they are wealthy and sit indoors all day.  Anyway, DH is not a Hindu so the caste system wasn't as relevant to his family, but still there is a preference for lighter skins, unfortunately. 

And about the previous poster commenting on people asking "where are you from?"  this actually bothers me about my own husband who only came to the US after graduate studies.  If someone is clearly of Hispanic ancestry (and yet American in every way) he will ask me "where are they from?" which bugs me like crazy.  I tell him, "they are American!"  I don't get it... he's not even caucasian/european...and he is an immigrant himself... and yet he says the same things.

And just with regards to the overall conversation, people are always commenting on my girls, too, who have large brown eyes.  I am always hearing "their eyes are so beautiful!  or "your girls are so beautiful!"  The eyes are obviously not from me but from DH.  I wonder how it feels from their perspective.  especially since most people where I live are of european ancestry.  Yet I should say that I see cute babies everywhere, regardless of their color, and when i do I tell their mom "your baby is so cute!"  I think if someone told me my girls looked "exotic" i would be deeply offended.  But being "cute" or "beautiful" doesn't offend me since that can be true of anyone.  don't know if I'm making sense....  I hate the word "exotic" for people and I hope I never hear it said for my children.

[rabbittys]

Interesting thread. I am mixed race. Most of my family is a mix of various races with my sister, brother, cousins and uncle having partners of different ethnicities. Our Christmas photos are quite a lovely spectrum. I have always, throughout my life seemed to invite speculation from strangers about where I am from. I do genuinely get offended when it is the first thing people ask of me in a conversation, for instance I've been at conferences and have given a talk and afterwards a delegate came up to me not to ask about my work but to find out where I was from. How insulting. I have also been annoyed by people bestowing me with some sort of mysterious exoticism that actually, I really don't posess. I've attracted men that, creepily, always go for a mixed-race type with little interest in my actual personality. And yet, I feel so proud and lucky to know and be part of two different cultures and I have come to terms with and grown to love looking a bit different. Actually mixed-raceness ( is that a term? I was once told by someone it is a derogatory term and that we should be using bi-racial because "Mixed" race implies "Mixed"-up) is very common these days and it's a bit old-fashioned to think of it as unusual. I do also agree with one poster who mentioned that mixed-raceness is probably considered less threatening than being very dark.

[Bad Mama Jama]

I understand that it is indeed a sensitive subject.  i remember being baffled that people were very quick to attribute my dd's cuteness to being something other than black.  for example, "she is so cute!  she looks like a little puerto rican baby."  or when an arabic woman at a shoe store tried to pick up my dd who was clearly "lost" though I was standing right next to her.  i just think that it hurts us when we are tired of the ignorance that abounds.

i just couldn't understand why she wouldn't be as cute if she were just identified as black.  i also think that it depends on your community's experience with race.  for a number of black folk, they have been trained to believe that lighter is better and mixed race is definitely an improvement.  it is sad really.  i remember my neighbor saying to be that she was glad that i was going to have a baby that is "the right color" whatever that was supposed to mean.  keep in mind that she is not fair skinned.  i just think that depending on the circumstance, wording can scream of self-hatred and that makes me sad.

[ashtak]

this is a truly interesting thread. i have read every post and just one to add something that hasn't come up yet.

to the OP, I get that you started this thread out of a genuine interest in how people would navigate issues of physical identity (overt focus on race in the form of praise) within an image obsessed culture. I have two biracial children and honestly what i want for my children beyond good looks or even 'appropriate responses from others' is their own happiness. I want my children to be happy. deeply, truly, unshakably happy. that is another bias we have in this culture. we tend to think of pessimistic people as being 'practical' and optimistic people as being 'foolish' or 'ignorant'. i want for my children to understand that happiness is not subject to external factors, i.e. the way others react to your physical appearance, instead it comes from inside.

when my children watch me react to others' comments on their looks, they aren't focused so much on what i say as they are taking their cues on how i emotionally react. if they see me get disgruntled or upset then the message they are getting is that external factors have the authority to shape and influence my mood and ultimately that is what they will mimic and what will define their personality more than their genetics. i can't change the world for them; i can't erase all the predjudice and racism for them. but i can give them a model for how to focus on the positive in everything in a way that is not 'blind' or 'ignorant' but is a personal preference for positivity over negativity. being happy has proven overwhelming benefit to one's health as well. i don't smoke cigarettes because its unhealthy to my body, so why would i demonstrate letting something as benign as a misguided compliment upset me and thus pollute both my mind and body? if i give something like that the power to disarm my mood then Buddha help me if and when life throws me a real curve ball. 

our level of happiness is not a static attribute the way our genetics are. it can be strengthened just like a muscle. too often we rely on external beneficial circumstances to feel good about ourselves and about life in general. i want to teach my kids that we can cultivate our own happiness and manifest it outwards to lift the energy of those around us. if i focus too much on what is 'correct', both philosophically and psychologically when educating my children then i set them up for either frustration when the outside world disappoints that standard or else righteousness when they take solace in their own superior 'correctness'. the way i figure, they are better benefited by my positivity when i accept people's (awkward) compliments with genuine appreciation than if i eschew them as being morally problematic - even if they are. 

but that's just me 

[shimmering]

I don't have mixed kids or have any experience with them. But I have seen a lot of mixed kids and thought in my mind that wow they are cute. But in all those moments, I never once thought about the color of their skin or the felt the need to treat then any differently. I don't think everyone who says mixed kids are cute necessarily wants to discriminate or is making racist comments. Because until you brought it up, I didn't even know it could mean that way. Not that I have ever said out loud. But not even in my wildest dreams I would want to discriminate anyone. And that's true for many of the people who say it out loud.

I have seen a lot of racism myself, because I am brown skinned. So I know what I am talking about. Sometimes people say to me wow, you don't even need a tan, you have such beautiful tan color. Well I always took it as a complement. And I think people mean well when they say that. And most of the time they are not trying to be racists.

[Taqah]

the thing is saying "oh mixed kids are so cute" -- is basically racist.  not just because the person might be feeling that they look good because they are less black or less asian etc.  But because it creates an entire subset of people who often have no distinguishing features in common and turns them into a physically defined group for no real reason, other than some imaginary in that persons head.  There is also the aspect exoticism that has been mentioned in the comments. 

That said, some thing that is racist isn't necessarily born out of evil intentions, conscious thought process, nor do I think the comment about mixed children is meant to offend anyone. 

It's true we all, or most of us anyway, have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with this; whether for tightly curled hair,big blue eyes, dark black skin, nose with a bridge etc; but those tastes are in large part conditioned by our environment and what we are taught to value (or rebel against valuing) and we need to acknowledge this.  When people make the comments about mixed race children all of those assumptions and tastes are packed in there.  the reality is few people go around saying asian, black, hispanic. or white babies are so cute because of their race... Why? because it means absolutely nothing.  (and let's face it we have all seen some less than gorgeous babies of all races) 

another less urgent point is why do people think its okay to comment on the future attractiveness of babies at all?  I admit I am guilty of this on;occasion, but when I think about it, such an emphasis on external beauty before the children are even born doesn't seem that healthy...

[Greenlea]

Originally Posted by albafan15 

I'm polish. The guy that's the father is Puerto rican and he has some chinese ancestry. He's almost been the dark tan type with really black hair and smaller eyes. I'm only 16 weeks though. I don't really care but I'll be the first in the family to not have a blond haired blue eyed kid. I don't really think biracial or other races are less cute either way. There was this one baby that was ethiopian in phenotype and she was the cute baby I'd ever seen....

A little OT, but that may not be entirely true.  My BIL is white and his wife is Puerto Rican.  All 3 of their kids have blond hair & blue eyes.