Please help with ideas for weaning a little one on the spectrum...

[nayma]

hi.  my dd is 4.5 and has a dx of asperger's syndrome.  she has real sensory issues, and sleep has always been an *incredibly* difficult thing for her.  she takes a very small dose of melatonin, and that helps her get to sleep.  unfortunately, she wakes within four hours of falling asleep, and it's almost impossible for her to get back to sleep without nursing- i.e., she'll be awake for hours.  (i have no problem with anyone nursing their little one for as long as they prefer).  that said, i just feel like i cannot do this anymore.  i'm an entirely single parent, and have been since the day she was born, so all wake-ups have always been me.  i know nursing is a comfort to her in many ways, but i'm starting to feel so trapped by the entire situation, and really want to try for another solution.

surely some of you have been in similar situations.  how do i try to be respectful and gentle, while still retaining my sanity (physically and emotionally)?  my hair has been falling out pretty seriously for over a year now, and i truly believe it's from stress/nutrition, etc (i don't have thyroid problems, etc.).  i don't want to pull the rug out from under her, but i also want to retain my health enough to be able to care for her well for decades to come.

does anyone have sensory suggestions of how to help her be able to sleep, go back to sleep - without nursing?

any supportive thoughts would be greatly appreciated :).  thank you.

[BeautyforAshes]

Hugs, mama.  Sounds like you need some relief.  My daughter has had similar sleep problems (i.e. trouble falling asleep, sleeping short periods, etc.)   We also use melatonin for her.  I would suggest increasing the dosage or trying the timed-release melatonin, which has helped us.

[Aufilia]

I don't know what your DD's sensory needs are, but would a weighted blanket help her feel more right in her bed? My DD, who is 5 and has SPD, always has a terrible time in the summer when it's too hot to sleep under her 5 favorite quilts because she just likes having all that weight on top of her.

She likes, too, to have particular noises; in the summer we run a fan for her and it's always hard for her when it gets cool enough to turn off the fan.  I recently bought a little white noise machine that she likes alot. She sleeps better when it sounds "right" in her room.

[christinelin]

I, too, had a child with Aspergers who nursed long term. I can vividly remember how hard it was -- especially around 4 years when he nursed more than he did as a newborn.

I don't have any magic answers, but he did eventually self-wean -- at 5 years, 4 months. He slowed down a lot as he approached 5 years and it just tapered off. We definitely noticed that his anxiety and mild stimming behaviors (humming, mostly) increased as he weaned. I think it was a huge regulatory tool for him.

Hugs to you. It's a hard road -- especially because the rest of the world doesn't usually understand.

[beachcomber]

I weaned my DD at 2y3mo because I couldn't take the endless nights of on-and-off nursing anymore. It was hard. DD is HF on the spectrum but hasn't got the Aspie label. She replaced nursing with stimming - she played with our ears. Yeah. That was not a great replacement. Now at 5y5mo, we're trying to break her of the ear play. She also has pediatric insomnia (that's what you described - trouble falling asleep and staying asleep) and we started giving her timed-released melatonin a year ago. It's helped a TON. She now falls asleep in 5 minutes and the same for every night waking. Yes, she still wakes in the night and has to be put back to sleep until I go to bed when she climbs in with me. Sigh. But it's better than it was. Small victories, right?

[beachcomber]

I suggest the following ideas to get you on the road to weaning:

- start talking to her over the course of the day about how big she is and how ready she is to not be nursing

- let her know that soon she's not going to need to nurse anymore

- if she's reward oriented, start shortening nursing and giving her small rewards each time she does

- start limiting her nursing periods, shortening them by 5 minutes each time

- don't nurse her to sleep anymore. stop the process and just cuddle for the last 5-15 minutes

- start giving her melatonin

- take her shopping and have her pick out a special lovey and make it just for bedtime. have the lovey cuddle with you both while you nurse

- take it in VERY small steps. don't try too hard to gain too much ground quickly. it'll backfire on you. Trust me. Really. I know of what I speak. ;)

[nayma]

just wanted to say thanks for the replies.  she's getting ready to start school in the fall, and as her anxiety about that has increased, so has her nighttime nursing :(.  i think, as one poster suggested, need to approach this slowly.  she does take melatonin now, and the small dose works well (0.25 mg).  is it possible to give an extended-release version at that dose?

also, i'm trying to replace it with something else sensory.  more than anything, i think that's what nursing is for her - regulatory, sensory, etc.  i've even been looking at silcone breasts as a means of giving her a replacement of sorts -lol!!  aaaahhhh, the things we do to make it work :).

please keep the suggestions coming.  i remember a poster (years ago) talking about bed-sized bean bags, and thinking that would be a good sensory approach to sleeping.  anyone have experience with that??