WWYD--family member driving while impaired

[McGucks]

My DH and I have a major difference of opinion on this one.  A member of our family (who I freely admit I don't get along with at all) routinely shows up to gatherings obviously high/on pills (she does have a history of both), which is one thing--but the fact that she might toss back three or four drinks in a couple of hours and then drive other family members home is another.  She is putting not only herself, but her other family members and anybody else on the road, in serious danger.  For a variety of reasons, I am not going to confront her about it directly.  She thinks I am very square and ridiculous since I don't drink or do drugs at this point in my life, and I would therefore likely come off just wrong and overly critical to her.  My impulse is that next time she pulls away, I call the cops on her.  DH feels that I would be a "narc" if I did this and he is 100% against it.  I kind of don't care what he thinks, though, about this situation.  I may just call next time and not tell DH I have done so.  I had a younger sibling killed by a drunk driver, so this issue is personal to me.  Would like anyone's thoughts on this.  TIA.

[marinak1977]

I would call the cops. This family member is endangering not only herself but innocent bystanders. By getting her off the road you may literally be saving someone's life. Your DH is wrong. Sorry you have to confront this tough situation but I'm 100% in your camp. Impaired driving is illegal for a really good reason.

[jeminijad]

You are right and your husband is wrong.

A narc? What is he, 12?

[Meredith&Alexander]

Another thought that may get through to your DH- if it's other family members serving her, or if she's drinking their booze at their home, then she leaves and kills someone, that host or hostess could be prosecuted. 

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by caedenmomma   I may just call next time and not tell DH I have done so.  

Do this.

[LynnS6]

Step 1: Get an umbrella policy on your insurance. If she injures or kills someone and you served her, they will go after you for damages.

Step 2: Tell your dh he has the choice of either taking her keys when she arrives so that she can't drive herself home, or that you'll call the cops if you know she's driving impaired. You might also show him some of the information from MADD. It's not a question of being a 'narc'. If she's smoking pot in the comfort of her own home and you call the cops, that's her own business. If she's drunk/high and driving, it becomes someone else's business.

4 members of my mom's family were killed by a drunk driver. It irrevocably altered their family and left my 2 youngest uncles orphans. Does your husband want to be the person who allowed something like this to happen?

[McGucks]

Oh, gracious.  I do not serve her.  I do not keep alcohol in my house (or anything that a person could take and be impaired by).  She has also NEVER been invited to my house though she lives locally.

I lost a brother I adored to a drunk driver and am certain I will call the cops on her next time she is impaired and I am aware she will drive.

Thanks for the support towards what I already knew was the right thing to do.  Sometimes I just need a booster shot of common sense since I tend towards constant self-doubt.  You posters may've helped me safe a life.  Thank you all.

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by caedenmomma 

Oh, gracious.  I do not serve her.  I do not keep alcohol in my house (or anything that a person could take and be impaired by).  She has also NEVER been invited to my house though she lives locally.

I lost a brother I adored to a drunk driver and am certain I will call the cops on her next time she is impaired and I am aware she will drive.

Thanks for the support towards what I already knew was the right thing to do.  Sometimes I just need a booster shot of common sense since I tend towards constant self-doubt.  You posters may've helped me safe a life.  Thank you all.

I'm so sorry for this loss. You're doing the right thing! 
 

[livacreature]

IMHO, calling the cops is the right thing to do.  If your husband would rather be left out of it, it can be done anonymously in most areas.  Write down her tags and tell them.  I've been in a similar boat, it is a weird pull, but ultimately, I felt it was the right move. 

[K1329]

Calling the cops seems extreme to me. Has anyone in the family tried to talk to her about her problem? This seems like the logical first step. Calling the cops, having my nephews witness their parent get hauled off to jail while they're likely hauled somewhere as well, and costing the family thousands in legal fees that otherwise could have been spent on treatment, seems like the last step to take, IMO.

[APToddlerMama]

I am also very sorry for your loss OP.  It sounds like you've already made up your mind, but just wanted to vote "call the cops" too.  There is no point in waiting and hoping for "treatment" when she could kill someone in the mean time.  Sheesh.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would take her keys and call her a cab.  Cops don't always pull over in time - there was a major accident close to me about 1-2years ago where the family HAD called (no one was there when the impaired left in the car), and 3 children were killed, and one severely injured.  It destroyed a family as the children killed were the drivers nieces.

You also need to speak with the family members that she is driving home, and offer to take them instead or something.  Calling the cops may not prevent a tragedy.  If she's in the car herself, I would say call the cops, if she's driving family members I would take the keys or at least make sure no one goes with her.

[K1329]

I agree wholeheartedly, take away the keys, don't let her drive & get her some help. It has been my experience that "calling the cops" doesn't always solve problems, and, can create new ones I just wanted to add that in a substance abuse situation, a family intervention/approach might be another, more long term solution.