Need Help Managing Time

[Calliope84]

I know being on here isn't a smart use of my time, but I am looking for some tips / advice. I'm having a hard time getting anything done. DD is high needs and of course I won't let her cry while I clean or something.

DH is in school almost full-time while working full-time and is really stressed with all the homework. He has almost no free time and when he finds it he has to mow the lawn or help me with the baby so I can do something else.

Yesterday, DD wouldn't even take a long nap... usually she naps for a few hours in her swing, but that still doesn't feel like I have enough time to do much. I am swamped by a long list of things that need to be cleaned / laundry and I have a website I am trying to work on that I haven't worked on for two months. DH leaves at 1pm and gets home at 11pm and I feel like my health is suffering because I am not making healthy dinners like I know I should be. Sometimes it is really hard to cook with the baby if she isn't asleep. I wore her on my back the other day while I cooked but she was only happy for 10 minutes. Also, I can't do dishes or vacuum or make a lot of noise during her nap because she is in her swing in our living area. I can't get her to sleep in a crib or in the bed for her naps for longer than 10-30 minutes. I don't even bother trying because I just want to get her to sleep and the swing is what works right now. 

Please tell me how you manage everything! I feel like I need a schedule, but DD doesn't really adhere to one and if I take her anywhere it messes her sleep patterns up. I also don't have a car, so I can only run errands occasionally in the morning before DH takes the car. This morning I was so tired DH took DD downstairs and I slept another 3 hours. I should have gotten up but I was exhausted from yesterday when DD was very needy and wouldn't nap. She is napping right now and I am going to go do some laundry now. I also DO need some down time once in awhile. Sometimes she naps and all I want to do is surf the internet for a bit, read a book, or write in my journal. I don't want to do dishes or mop the floor. I feel like I have horrible self-discipline and I don't know how to make myself clean and such when I feel like I just want to relax on my break.

Please advise!

[howeberry]

Will your LO nurse to sleep and stay asleep in your arms? Just about the only way I can get my little guy to nap is nursing to sleep. He'll even stay attached for the entirety of his 2 + hour nap (this does get annoying). I'll settle in the middle of the couch with the computer (laptop w/ mouse) to his toes and a pillow under him. When he falls asleep, I work, play or surf. I've had to get very good at typing and mousing one-handed for this to work.

I've also found sharing a nap to be the only way I can catch up on some much needed sleep. If I'm not tired, I read. Journaling is a bit more of a challenge, but if you don't care how your handwriting looks it's not too bad.

Oh! I've had success with my Moby. I'll pop LO in it for a walk and he's stayed sleeping in it for an hour after being home. I've managed to eat and pay bills with him asleep in the Moby & me sitting.

I do laundry when DS is awake. I've figured out how to do it one-handed while holding him in the other arm. He seems to like to watch me do chores. I'm hoping this will become easier when he can sit up on his own.

For meals I set him in his stroller bassinet and wheel it into the kitchen with a couple toys. This seems to work best when he's freshly awake and happy. I'll sing/talk to &/or touch him between tasks. If he complains I try to make the toys more interesting. If he cries I finish what I'm doing or cover the food, wash real quick, then pick him up. Then try again after he calms down. I try to keep dinner simple so it's ok if I get interrupted. I have prepared a large crock pot stew the night before when DH could take DS. Not only did this make dinner the next day simple, but gave plenty of healthy left overs.

As far as cleaning everything else, it happens when it happens and I try not to stress over a little dirt. I'm sure my attitude will change as LO becomes more mobile.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck!

[EzzysMom]

I don't have much time but I wanted to give a quick reply. High needs baby not sleeping is really hard, I was so there with #1, #2 isn't a walk in the park either but...

1) get as much rest as you can, really you need it. If you can't handle life, it probably means you need more sleep, so napping when the kid naps is still key. You don't mention how old she is, but still, anything that's a baby it is still if not more important as your sleep deprivation has become cummulative.

2) the cooking on the back, she's likely to get more used to it the more you do it. Try to make it fun by dancing and playing some music or if she'll sit in a hgih chair and watch you while chewing on cooking utensils.

3) break all cleaning and chores into the smallest bites possible, like 10 minute increments. You can start to make some forward progress even if you can't do the whole thing. you can't finish unless you start!

4) get outside if she won't sleep. Good for your sanity and hopefully hers too, I know mine got whiny if I spend too much time inside.

5) simple meals, microwavable if needed, make leftovers.

It will get better, although I won't promise independent play anytime soon, at least the ability to get work done gets better and worse with age and their needs. The dirty house will still be there tomorrow! (ok says the woman who vacuumed and mopped the whole house today, but it was raining and I did nothing but take care of kids and that)

[Calliope84]

Originally Posted by EzzysMom 

I don't have much time but I wanted to give a quick reply. High needs baby not sleeping is really hard, I was so there with #1, #2 isn't a walk in the park either but...

1) get as much rest as you can, really you need it. If you can't handle life, it probably means you need more sleep, so napping when the kid naps is still key. You don't mention how old she is, but still, anything that's a baby it is still if not more important as your sleep deprivation has become cummulative.

2) the cooking on the back, she's likely to get more used to it the more you do it. Try to make it fun by dancing and playing some music or if she'll sit in a hgih chair and watch you while chewing on cooking utensils.

3) break all cleaning and chores into the smallest bites possible, like 10 minute increments. You can start to make some forward progress even if you can't do the whole thing. you can't finish unless you start!

4) get outside if she won't sleep. Good for your sanity and hopefully hers too, I know mine got whiny if I spend too much time inside.

5) simple meals, microwavable if needed, make leftovers.

It will get better, although I won't promise independent play anytime soon, at least the ability to get work done gets better and worse with age and their needs. The dirty house will still be there tomorrow! (ok says the woman who vacuumed and mopped the whole house today, but it was raining and I did nothing but take care of kids and that)

You are probably right. She is 4.5 months but she is playing independently for short periods of time. She can sit by herself now. That was great for about a month, but now she gets frustrated because she wants to crawl, too. Bah. Maybe I am sleep deprived and I don't even know it. Truth is, I was terrible at getting anything done before I had her and now that I have her it is even worse because I must get things done. I should be proud of what I am accomplishing... I mean... the house is a mess and I only get good food 1/2 the time, but I wash her cloth diapers and make her cloth wipes and take care of her all day. The bills are paid, our clothes are clean, she gets BF and I try to keep her happy and feeling safe / secure. On most days we have less than 20 minutes of crying each day which is amazing when I compare that to how it was. I think I should take her on more walks in the mornings.

I also have a business and today I got a few things done and I feel SO GOOD  about it! I know taking care of DD is a long term thing and all the work I put in is to help make a wonderful adult some day, but I still feel like I am not getting anything done when all I do is take care of her and clean. Every day I still have to clean the same crap around the house again, change her diapers and feed her and do all the things I did the day before. I start getting really depressed. When I get something with my business done, I feel like "whew! I am one step closer to completing these tasks I need to do." I don't have any day to day maintenance yet with the business, I am just starting it now. But I hope that when my business starts making money we can afford to hire someone to help in some way.. probably with the cleaning, actually, since I hate it.

I ate dairy and soy this weekend during my first date with DH since she was born and I have a feeling that is why she has been so fussy the past two days. It is never this bad. It seems like she is having a really hard time sleeping. ;(

[a13xandra]

My productivity went downhill, too. So you're not alone.  My house is messier than before babe, to be sure, and I get less of my work done. However, I'd keep trying on a schedule, if I were you, even if it isn't working yet.  I started trying to get Eris on a schedule at 2 months old and it wasn't until 5 months old that it really was comfortably in place for her.

[ShanaV]

My babies were born in May 2010, and by December the house was a total wreck because I had vacuumed like a total of two times, rarely did laundry, never dusted, etc etc. I've always been a really bad house-keeper, and it was made way, way worse by the babies.

My New Year's resolution was to get better at doing chores, so I made a list based loosely on the motivatedmoms.com schedule. I had 5 or 6 daily things to do, and then 7 or 8 weekly things to do (one a day). Daily things like make bed, make lunch, give baby vitamins, wipe bathroom; weekly things like vacuum, dust, take out trash, change sheets. You can adjust according to your own needs. I would check things off the list and it made me feel like I accomplished something! Even if I only got half of the items done, it was better than none! And after a couple of months of keeping the list going, I've developed better habits, and now I don't even need the list anymore. So something like that may help you.

[expat-mama]

My baby is older now, crawling, and napping a bit less so I'm dealing with new time (and energy) management issues but back when DS was your DD's age here are a few things I used to cope and get things done:

- for working in the kitchen if your LO can sit, put her in a high chair with some toys! My DS loved this more than being on my back because he could see everything better, could play etc. we also have a front loading washing machine in our kitchen and seriously every time I had to be in the kitchen for longer than 15 mins I would put laundry in because he loves watching it! I still do that and it keeps him occupied. maybe there is something you could improvise with in your kitchen...?

-yes...nap with her! any chance you can get. I actually regret getting my LO used to sleeping on me so much because there came a time when I really needed to put him down for naps and that transition was really, really difficult. i wish i had napped more in bed with DS and not so much with him on me.

-do you have a doorway jumper or exersaucer thingee? we have a doorway jumper and i basically only use when i need to vacuum/mop- i pop DS in there and move him from room to room. he is happy in there for a while because i ONLY use it when I'm doing this, so it's sort of a treat.

-get help! I still have a cleaning lady come once every 2 weeks to do a BIG clean- like really scrubbing everything down so that in the meantime between her visits I can get away with only cleaning lightly you know? and it really isn't that expensive having her come twice a month.

-cook in batches! when  you are cooking something, make some to freeze for later. i do this a lot and it helps sooooo much.

Good luck. It takes some time to get a routine that works for you and LOs are constantly changing! Just do the best you can.

[Calliope84]

Originally Posted by expat-mama 

My baby is older now, crawling, and napping a bit less so I'm dealing with new time (and energy) management issues but back when DS was your DD's age here are a few things I used to cope and get things done:

- for working in the kitchen if your LO can sit, put her in a high chair with some toys! My DS loved this more than being on my back because he could see everything better, could play etc. we also have a front loading washing machine in our kitchen and seriously every time I had to be in the kitchen for longer than 15 mins I would put laundry in because he loves watching it! I still do that and it keeps him occupied. maybe there is something you could improvise with in your kitchen...?

-yes...nap with her! any chance you can get. I actually regret getting my LO used to sleeping on me so much because there came a time when I really needed to put him down for naps and that transition was really, really difficult. i wish i had napped more in bed with DS and not so much with him on me.

-do you have a doorway jumper or exersaucer thingee? we have a doorway jumper and i basically only use when i need to vacuum/mop- i pop DS in there and move him from room to room. he is happy in there for a while because i ONLY use it when I'm doing this, so it's sort of a treat.

-get help! I still have a cleaning lady come once every 2 weeks to do a BIG clean- like really scrubbing everything down so that in the meantime between her visits I can get away with only cleaning lightly you know? and it really isn't that expensive having her come twice a month.

-cook in batches! when  you are cooking something, make some to freeze for later. i do this a lot and it helps sooooo much.

Good luck. It takes some time to get a routine that works for you and LOs are constantly changing! Just do the best you can.

Do you have a tip for keeping DD from throwing ALL her toys off the high chair? Lol I have some luck (10 minutes) with the bouncer. Yesterday she played with herself for looong periods of time (40 minutes, twice) My mom said I used to be able to sit there for an hour or so as an infant playing and really entertain myself while she did something else (once I could sit and play more, I guess.) 

I think I am going to try to do more naps in the bed vs the swing....

She HATES the exersaucer I bought! ;-(  I have no idea why. She loves standing when I give her my hands to pull to stand. The toys seem to irritate her because she can't pick them up and bring them to her mouth and whatever else she wants to do.

We are on a very tight budget right now but I will see if we can cut back elsewhere to afford help. We just bought a brand new house and it really bothers me and DH to see it so messy and ill-cared for. 

Good idea on the freezing. I do always try to make enough food so there are leftovers for the next day for DH to bring to work. I need to learn how to cook more meals without meat. We are only eating free-range meat from a local farm now and so we can't eat meat every single day. Too expensive.

;) Thanks!

[expat-mama]

Haha- yeah, they do love to throw things off the chair! I found a solution- we have a couple of toys that were given to us that were meant for a stroller- they have clamps/clips that are supposed to attach to the stroller bar, I just clip/clamp them to the high chair harness or the side of the tray. No matter how hard DS tries he can't get rid of them! Or you could just tie them on to the harness/belt (with supervision of course). Now that DS can eat solids, I sometimes give him a rice cake or barley biscuit and he loves that (but will only throw it on the floor slightly less than his toys ;)  ) and it keeps him busy.

To keep your DD busy when you need to be doing something give her something NEW to play with. It doesn't have to be a toy. Whatever is around that house that is safe for her to play with. I've given DS rolls of duct tape, paper towel/ toilet paper rolls, egg cartons, shoe boxes, socks, combs, wash cloths, different wooden/plastic utensils from the kitchen (spatula, pasta spoon etc.)....pretty much anything and if he hasn't really seen it before it will sometimes fascinate him for a long time! I have a bunch of random stuff in rotation that I grab and give to him, as long as it's new or he hasn't seen it for a while it'll keep his attention for a little while. One time I gave him an old radio and turned it on and showed him the dial to change stations so that the music changed (it was kind of annoying but I got a lot of work done) and how to press all the buttons and I think he played with that for half a day!

As your DD gets older, some things will definitely get easier... and some will get harder! But I found that if I keep trying different things, usually I can find something that works to keep DS occupied. Like I said, they change weekly so what doesn't work one week may work the next.