bi-polar sociopath daughter - Page 2

[UnkaBenz]

Friend,

These people who respond to you without having the experience of living with a sociopathic daughter for at least 2 years have no rights to advise you on how you should respond.  My daughter is 16.  She has broken 3 windows out of my current home "on purpose" and yesterday rammed a knife into my wife's front car tire.  The car is so new my wife has not yet made her first payment.  That is why the car was her target..to hurt her mother more.  The last car, which was also bought new, had a crescent moon cigarette lighter burn in the seat after being owned by my wife about 1 week.  My daughter is awaiting 3 trials scheduled as 1 event next month for 2 separate assaults and 1 multiple-count violation of probation.  You are a Christian.  The 2 new commandments, as you know, now have the old 10 commandments included.  "Love" covers a multitude of sins.  Well, that applies to these daughters as well.  No matter what we do...if we love one another in the process...the blood of Jesus cleanses us from every sin and God forgives.  If we do not walk in love (like my daughter and yours never do) we can expect the wrath of God abiding on us...which I have experienced myself at diverse times such as certain "short" periods of time as a selfish teenager.  The simple truth is God judges pride and arrogance.  He does not "diagnose" away it which equates to excusing it.  If we do not offer up a reasonable amount of humility toward others (whether we are Christian or not, heavenbound or not, is beside the point).....God rewards the pride and arrogant and hateful with judgement.  Somehow our society has it all messed up calling AIDS or some other sickness judgements of God.  Peoples illnesses are actually OUR tests to see how will we handle those in need.  Likewise, our daughters excessive immeasurable lack of love toward those of us who have tried so hard...and the fact that they CHOSE to live this way in a country where they've never suffered hunger or nakedness unlike certain third world countries whose children have nothing and they have sinned so much less.....God has a judgement for these girls.  And whether you want to or not....He's gonna let you see it.  These girls will not be allowed by our God to disregard the first commandment with promise with blatent disregard and actually ENJOYING  getting attention from their friends for abusing their parents continually.  When the day comes that I am speaking of.....and it will surely come.....you will remember I submitted this writing.  Also, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob will increase your peace then because you will know the HE will not let ANYONE abuse >>YOU<<!

v/r, Ben

[UnkaBenz]

Friend,

The last post was from me.  I noticed AFTER posting it that this site is called mothering.com.  I am a 45 year old "Dad".  Therefore, I will make no more posts on this subject or any others in this blog.  However, since I wrote the above blog....I do stand by it.

v/r, Ben

[Imakcerka]

You're completely allowed to post here.
 

Originally Posted by UnkaBenz 

Friend,

The last post was from me.  I noticed AFTER posting it that this site is called mothering.com.  I am a 45 year old "Dad".  Therefore, I will make no more posts on this subject or any others in this blog.  However, since I wrote the above blog....I do stand by it.

v/r, Ben

[Adaline'sMama]

I agree, dads are allowed to post here.

However, does anyone else think it a bit odd that all but 3 or 4 people who have posted in this thread are posting for the very first time? As in, there are 5 or 6 people creating an account just to respond to this thread? I didnt realize that there were that many people out there who were just waiting for the moment to join mothering and share their stories about their children with sociopaths issues. Hopefully you all find some support for you and your children.

[Imakcerka]

Well it could be that they are looking for support groups and this came up in google... though I don't know if I would readily label my kid sociopath or even google that.  Either way a lot of people are dealing with this issue and I really think it's important for those people to find a good place to talk to people who really have experience.  I'm going out on limb here but I don't think there are a lot here like that.

[Becky Wheeler]

Her and I are the same age. I have to tell you, though. For me, during manic episodes, I was very much like a sociopath. No feelings, no remorse. I just acted and didn't think. Taking drugs makes that EVEN WORSE!! Trust me, I've been there, with hard drugs. I'm a recovering addict. It's not fun. But when she feels like getting her life straight, she'll come round.  We all have a choice to be well. We just have to choose it. I'm sorry for your "loss", if that's what you want to call it. That's what I'd call losing a relationship to someone.

[Patriciaschiele]

I have a heavy heart. My daughter has expressed troubling behavior for many years. She is now 29, and things have only gotten worse. She has a 10 year old daughter that was taken from her at 3 years old. Needless to say, my world feel apart. The child's father moved very far away to save his child from her mother. My daughter has never shown remorse for tearing this little girls heart to pieces. As a grandmother I see her very little and we were very close. Now my daughter as another child who has been diagnosed autistic. He is 3. She is not meeting his needs and I am once again helpless. My parents have a great deal of money and are elderly. They give her money to live on and a home, car, and pay all her bills! She is never held accountable and never given consequences. I am 53. When I try to step in, I am the bad parent. She has them hook line and sinker. She has stollen from them, wrote bad checks on them, proven to be on drugs, lied about everything and refuses to let anyone know her business, but they keep throwing money at her knowing things are about to blow and my grandson will be the one to suffer. When I asked her about her unwillingness to care for her son, I was told to f... Off, that she hated me and hoped I burn in hell. All of this said while I sat at my parents kitchen table with them present. They said nothing. I don't know what to do. Help!

[Carla Jenkins]

I know exactly what you going through. I have a daughter that i have had to let go because of the pain and anguish that she was causing to my family. My prayers are with you and its good to know that i am not alone in trying to maintain a peace of mind and some semblance of family.
 

[Cynthia Mosher]

This thread is so difficult to read but I'm so glad it is here for all of you to share your grief and support one another. Thank you for sharing your stories. 

[Mylie]

This is a slower thread but I had to post because your posts are my life...My son is almost 23..he is bi-polar and a whole bunch of other diagnosis..He refuses to take his meds,go to his therapies and be responsible.He blames everything bad that happens to him on anyone and everything but himself.He can't control his temper,wont shower,flits from place to place till they kick him out.He is all about partying and having a good time with anything that will make him feel good.He started having bad problems when he was a teen..it was horrible..I couldn't control him.He was nasty,rude,vilent and destructive..and he honestly didn't care how he talked to you,me or anyone..He is invincible..I had more holes in my walls that I care to tell about.I have been called every filthy name out there.I have been threatened with injury and even death.When he was almost 17 he got his girlfriend pregnant.It was rough as she was just as unstable as he.By the time the baby was 2 months old the state was involved and I was awarded permanent sole custody of her..She is now 5 and still with me.He is not allowed to live with me for my safety,his safety and L's safety.He is constantly suicidal..It is horrible..he gets angry all the time and threatens you and then when he calms down days later calls like it has never happened..Very emotionally draining..He is not any kind of father to L but when he does see her he is fine with her for a few minutes but then can't stand her and within minutes you can see that he wants to hit her so bad..He is never left alone with her at all...The last year has been so bad (not just with him but with her mom too..they aren't together but they both have problems)that I made the decision to move back home..We are now 600 miles away and he is so angry that I won't send him money and that I left that he keeps threatening me with L..From going to court and getting her back(which will never happen)to just taking her..He has made posts with his current girlfriend)that when they go they will all go together kids and all(girl friend has 2 small children her parents have custody of).

We have been here in Michigan for 3 weeks and my anxiety levels have already gotten better..I love my son but I can't handle him anymore.I have tried to help him over the years..He doesn't want help.He thinks he is fine.I just can't do it anymore.And I have to think of L.She is only 5 and needs stabilitl\y and a normal childhood..I feel like crap for it but I choose her over him..I love him with all my heart but forgive me for saying this but I don't like my son..He scares me..I Have learned through family(yes we have had therapy)therapy that I can't help him anymore.He doesn't want my help(unless he gets something out of it like money) that I have to go on living and raising L..All I can do ....

That is my story...Currently my son is again threatening me..he doesn't have money,a licence or a way so I don't think he would ever make the 600 mile trip to try and take her but I don't take any chances ..Everyone is aware..But it continues to break my heart:(((

[FreeMom12]

I've spent today reading as much as I can about this. I have recently realized that my daughter is a sociopath, and my story is almost identical to the original post. Although my son and I have expressed that we both feel relief and happiness at knowing that there really is nothing we can do, and that we are correct in cutting her out of our lives, I am also struggling with the grief of having lost my daughter. For the past year I have felt that my daughter, the one I see in pictures from years ago, is dead. This other person is just a monster in her body. Obviously that's a difficult thing for people who are unfamiliar with the situation to understand, but it's so freeing and healing to say it to people who do get it. It's a loss. In fact, I wish she would die, because then I could stop worrying that she's going to die. And then I could grieve and move past it.

It's also hard to stay strong when the natural tendency is to help your child. But I read on another site today that people who are sociopaths are not suffering. That brought me some relief.

[strick]

Hi, i'm am new here. Reading all about you all I don't feel so alone any more. My child and I have bipolar. I never new I had it until my daughter came along. My baby was intense as the doctor who delivered her said. The first night of her life she screamed for hours. And not just cried  and screamed like other babies screamed like she was pissed off or in danger for her life. She screamed like that along with temper tantrums until we found out and put her on meds at the age of 4 yrs. old. I always knew something wasn't right. I wrote on a calendar evert day her mood and behavior. And figured her cycle out. Responding to kmomma, I think maybe for some people they are not born with it. Probably have a mild case that can be treated with nature herbs and a cleaned diet but I believe in my heart and sole my daughter was born with it. She now is 12 yrs. old and Dr. tried to increase meds and take away some. And she's now lying and stealing. Last week she found the key to the med cabinet and over dosed on meds,  A few days later she had her first psychotic episode. She's was hospitalized 2 years ago and was sent home manic. We don't know what to do. She does have a great relationship with her phsycitrist who also sees her for therepy. but we are trying to not put her on multiple meds. shes already is on a lot. We don't know what to do with her behavior.

[lilgreen]

These stories are so painful. I'm so sorry I could not read this thread through. I have been dealing w my 10 yo son's mental illness and it hurts so much. No mom wants to call the police on their child or tell them they are not welcome. My son's current therapist recommended the books 'An Unchanged Mind' and 'Chaning a Mind' to help me understand my narcissistic (x)-husband and ds1. The author's last name is McKinnon. I couldn't stop reading last night. I hope you find peace with your dd. Big hugs. I'm so sorry. xo

[natureloveress]

Originally Posted by Mylie 

This is a slower thread but I had to post because your posts are my life...My son is almost 23..he is bi-polar and a whole bunch of other diagnosis..He refuses to take his meds,go to his therapies and be responsible.He blames everything bad that happens to him on anyone and everything but himself.He can't control his temper,wont shower,flits from place to place till they kick him out.He is all about partying and having a good time with anything that will make him feel good.He started having bad problems when he was a teen..it was horrible..I couldn't control him.He was nasty,rude,vilent and destructive..and he honestly didn't care how he talked to you,me or anyone..He is invincible..I had more holes in my walls that I care to tell about.I have been called every filthy name out there.I have been threatened with injury and even death.When he was almost 17 he got his girlfriend pregnant.It was rough as she was just as unstable as he.By the time the baby was 2 months old the state was involved and I was awarded permanent sole custody of her..She is now 5 and still with me.He is not allowed to live with me for my safety,his safety and L's safety.He is constantly suicidal..It is horrible..he gets angry all the time and threatens you and then when he calms down days later calls like it has never happened..Very emotionally draining..He is not any kind of father to L but when he does see her he is fine with her for a few minutes but then can't stand her and within minutes you can see that he wants to hit her so bad..He is never left alone with her at all...The last year has been so bad (not just with him but with her mom too..they aren't together but they both have problems)that I made the decision to move back home..We are now 600 miles away and he is so angry that I won't send him money and that I left that he keeps threatening me with L..From going to court and getting her back(which will never happen)to just taking her..He has made posts with his current girlfriend)that when they go they will all go together kids and all(girl friend has 2 small children her parents have custody of).

We have been here in Michigan for 3 weeks and my anxiety levels have already gotten better..I love my son but I can't handle him anymore.I have tried to help him over the years..He doesn't want help.He thinks he is fine.I just can't do it anymore.And I have to think of L.She is only 5 and needs stabilitl\y and a normal childhood..I feel like crap for it but I choose her over him..I love him with all my heart but forgive me for saying this but I don't like my son..He scares me..I Have learned through family(yes we have had therapy)therapy that I can't help him anymore.He doesn't want my help(unless he gets something out of it like money) that I have to go on living and raising L..All I can do ....

That is my story...Currently my son is again threatening me..he doesn't have money,a licence or a way so I don't think he would ever make the 600 mile trip to try and take her but I don't take any chances ..Everyone is aware..But it continues to break my heart:(((

This story is so familiar to someone I know extremely well... And after many many painful years, we find that he is now finally stable, calm and responsible because we helped him find a right spouse for him and thats what he's been wanting for years. We hope and pray that things will go on great for them. :)

[hippiemom]

So sorry for your pain.. it is very hard some days just to be the parent of an adult child and watch them struggle, but this..  this is a whole other level. 

My heart goes out to you, mother to mother..  you must care for yourself and your home and other family members as well as loving your troubled child.  Sometimes that means creating difficult, yet necessary boundaries.

Prayers and love to you, mama.  I don't have a bipolar child, but I was raised by an addict, whom I also loved and wanted all the best for as I watched him crumble, treat us horribly, lash out, and create destruction..  it has only been very late in his life that he himself has found reasons to get help and take better care of himself.  I believe these must come from within for the person to truly heal. 

You sound like a loving Mom, and I am sure it has been a very long and painful road.  I wish you peace and strength.

[scaredofher]

I have tears In my eyes. My oldest child who is 14 has been nothing but problems for me since she was an infant. She was healthy but it was her murderous screaming fits starting at 3 months that gave me pause. She has lied to and on me to teachers, causing cps to come to my home, I had my Cna licence suspended due to her lies of abuse at the age 7, which were unfounded. She beat up her principal in 3rd grade and had no remorse. She has been beyond violent her entire life. Kicking me in my stomach when I was 8months pregnant, calling police trying to put me in jail for taking her toys away, writing stories about killing me and my husband, hitting my grandmother, etc she had been in counseling and had case workers and social workers for 7 years, and it always ends with "she is such a wonderful child who is having a hard time" or "she says you don't love h
er", or "you treat her sisters better" or "im a bad mother to her be side i hate her father". She manipulates everyone and everything, she NEVER accepts responsibility for any of her actions. She has had over 70 school referrals sent home from school in less than a year for being violent towards students and staff, and keep in mind she only spent 6 out of the 10 months in school because she was suspended and hospitalized for her manic behavior. Even then the psychiatrist stated she was just sad and didn't need any help, and I was her biggest problem. I haven't even begun yet, for that is only a third of the issues with this child. She hurts me so, I feel like I'm losing my mind! I have nightmares of her trying to kill me or one of her siblings, I cry constantly and I hate myself more and more everyday because of the way u feel about this child. I love her and want her to be safe and happy, but I don't want her here. Someone is going to be seriously hurt and I don't know who. I count the days until she is old enough to leave. She lies, manipulates, threatens, fights, disrespects, she is too fresh, she says she wants me to die,
. I have tried EVERYTHING. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING HELPS. Ishe is 5'8 240lbs to my 5'3 200lbs and I cannot restrain her. What do I do with this beautiful intelligent monster I've given birth to?? I am so angry because I've reached out for help and before I get a word in she has manipulated the situation and convinced then that I AM CRAZY!! I know I'm not a wonderful person, and I am a b****, I have never had an issue with anyones child or my own other than her and I have been dealing with kids full time since the age of 12. I am scared as hell for me and my kids and if something happens to me nobody will believe who caused it. I hate when people judge me for the feelings u have toward my daughter, because at least I'm honestly reaching for a hand!! I get told u should have unconditional love... I DO!! Love and like are not the same! I love her to death, but u don't like her ways. GOD help us before its too late... Thanks for listening to me...


Scared to Death

[lambiri]

Hi I'm new here but I think my 17 year old step daughter is a sociopath. She has had a stable home life as far as I know but the last 4 years she has created hell for her mom and stepfather. She constantly lies about everything. Her mom has tried everything and has told me on numerous occasions she doesn't know what to do because step daughter doesn't care. So finally in July she sent step daughter to live my husband and I. We live in a small town were hoping that maybe a change would be good for her. She did good for a while or so I thought but now I realize she was just manipulating me. She has been lying and I've caught her numerous times. Lying about her grades, her whereabouts not coming home after school ect. She was also really mean to my 1 and year old yelling at her calling her names ect. Also very Violent towards our dog. Anyways yesterday her mom came to pick her up and she got caught in another lie. Well her mom got mad at me because I ripped her ass. So
I'm the bad guy ok whatever she's going to be gone for two weeks. So I was talking to my mother about the situation because I was still upset that step daughters mother would believe her even after that was the reason she sent her up to live with us because she couldn't handle it anymore, and my mother told me that one time she saw stepdaughter slap my 1 year old. I lost it and called step daughters mom and told her that step daughter can't live here anymore. So I can't stop thinking about it what's wrong with step daughter and came across sociopath and it totally describes her behavior. I want to tell her mom that I think that she should be tested shell be 18 next month but I don't want more drama. Her mom and I where actually close friends before yesterday and she has 4 other children and I'm afraid step daughter might hurt them. Should I tell her I think her daughter might be a sociopath?

[lambiri]

She also takes no accountability for her actions feels no remorse and views herself as a constant victim. Her father and stopped listening to the lies about her mom and step dad a long time ago but she tells everyone horror stories about being mistreated by everyone that are lies. I recently found out she was sneaking guys into my house and having sex with them, ditching school to do drugs, but at home she put on a totally fake persona for us. At first I thought she was just a rebellious teen but no I think that she is mentally ill, because who does that? I was a rebellious teen but I never did anything like that. My 1 year is terrified of her so I wonder besides slapping her what else stepdaughter did to get? I just feel sickened by this whole situation.

[lilgreen]

I just read this. You all have likely read it, but just in case: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazine/can-you-call-a-9-year-old-a-psychopath.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

I thought it might offer some kind of direction, people to contact, etc

Your stories are heartbreaking. xo

[Becky Wheeler]

These last few stories are absolutely HEARTBREAKING. I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this.