Accepting Traumatic Birth?

[JynxGirl]

My DD is almost 8 years old. She was born on July 1, 2003 via "emergency" C-section. 

Allegedly, she was breech, but somehow, a portion of her ear was cut during the surgery. Then she was put on a CPAP for slow breathing, and a  hole was ruptured in her lung. 

To say that our experience was traumatic, is an understatement. 

But it was almost 8 years ago.

Now I am pregnant again after 7 miscarriages, and holding on to this little one. So here's the crux of the situation...

How do I "get over" what happened with my daughter to trust in a hospital birth, since I can't find a midwife who will take a diabetic patient, and I'm not sure I'm ready for an unassisted birth.

So how am I to "forgive and forget" what they did to my daughter in the case that I have to have another hospital birth with this baby?

If this isn't the best place for this, please let me know, and I'll delete it.

[cinderella08]

First of all, I am so sorry you dealt with this mama.

Are you VBACing?

Do you have a  VBAC supportive OB/CNM/CPM?

Are you planning on delivering at the same hospital?

Do you have the same caregiver as you had with your first child?

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by cinderella08 

First of all, I am so sorry you dealt with this mama.

Are you VBACing?

Do you have a  VBAC supportive OB/CNM/CPM?

Are you planning on delivering at the same hospital?

Do you have the same caregiver as you had with your first child?

My plan is to VBAC. I have no idea what my new OB/GYN will be like. Chances are, they're going to push for a C-section as I'm diabetic. The "plan" right now is to have a home birth with myself, my mom and my fiancé here. 

It would be a different hospital and OB, as well as a different spouse.  I guess my problem/concern is that I am terrified I will end up with another C-section.

This time, it's not just a new baby to deal with. It'd be a new baby, in a really old house with super steep stairs and a child with autism that I am responsible for getting to and from therapy every day, while also not tearing my scar open...

The sad part is, the more I talk about it, the more afraid I become.

[shellnurse]

Are you insulin-dependent?  You may be able to find a HB MW if you don't need insulin. Hiring a doula would be a super helpful direction to start with as she can increase your chances for VBAC and should be able to help you decrease your fears throughout the pregnancy. good luck!

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would start interviewing as many care providers as you can.  Be honest about what happened, and be honest about your feelings.  If you don't tell them, they won't be able to help you get past your fears.  A care provider thats understanding, and that you connect with would be best.  You could also look into family doctors, I know some do deliver babies (I think there are some MDC mamas who have been seen by family practitioners for their pregnancies, and delivered in a hospital with a family practitioner rather than an OB).

Also, to lessen the trauma of a transfer (if it comes to that), I would see if parallel care is possible - seeing a HB midwife, while seeing an OB as well.  That way, if you need to be in the hospital, you'll be able to have the same provider (Hopefully, I know some places don't guarantee who will be present at your birth). 

Good luck to you!!

[stellabluz]

My midwife has been a pioneer in a therapy that focuses on healing birth trauma for baby and parents. She also offers her clients three sessions prenatally to help with consecutive births that may be affected by the one was hard. She firmly believes that these affects last through generations of women and babies and birthers. And she say's it is never to late to heal.  She is part of the Beba foundation and I know they are doing seminars and training more therapists around the world. There are workshops and lots of good info on the site. Maybe you can check out the website and see if any are near you. I'm sure it feels really scary to talk about it and still might be a scary imprint on your first child's world, but hopefully that will ease the more you seek to heal it.

http://www.beba.org/

Lots of good love to your family and your heart.

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by shellnurse 

Are you insulin-dependent?  You may be able to find a HB MW if you don't need insulin. Hiring a doula would be a super helpful direction to start with as she can increase your chances for VBAC and should be able to help you decrease your fears throughout the pregnancy. good luck!

Unfortunately, I was put on insulin about two weeks ago because my sugars are just completely insane lately. I would eat a banana and shoot up to 26.6mmol/L and then the next day would crash out with a bowl of raisin bran and struggle to get it to come back up. (the benefit of that day was scarfing down free chocolate in the emergency room while the nurses were scratching their heads and trying to figure out what my body was doing!)

We've started looking at doulas, but none of them really click with us yet. At least this is early, and I have more time than if I were 7 or 8 months pregnant...
 

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I would start interviewing as many care providers as you can.  Be honest about what happened, and be honest about your feelings.  If you don't tell them, they won't be able to help you get past your fears.  A care provider thats understanding, and that you connect with would be best.  You could also look into family doctors, I know some do deliver babies (I think there are some MDC mamas who have been seen by family practitioners for their pregnancies, and delivered in a hospital with a family practitioner rather than an OB).

Also, to lessen the trauma of a transfer (if it comes to that), I would see if parallel care is possible - seeing a HB midwife, while seeing an OB as well.  That way, if you need to be in the hospital, you'll be able to have the same provider (Hopefully, I know some places don't guarantee who will be present at your birth). 

Good luck to you!!

I am planning on interviewing the crap out of the OB i get assigned to by the family doctor. From what I understand, women aren't given a whole lot of choice in Ontario. You either take the doc they give you and love it, or you fight to find the one you want. 

Originally Posted by stellabluz 

My midwife has been a pioneer in a therapy that focuses on healing birth trauma for baby and parents. She also offers her clients three sessions prenatally to help with consecutive births that may be affected by the one was hard. She firmly believes that these affects last through generations of women and babies and birthers. And she say's it is never to late to heal.  She is part of the Beba foundation and I know they are doing seminars and training more therapists around the world. There are workshops and lots of good info on the site. Maybe you can check out the website and see if any are near you. I'm sure it feels really scary to talk about it and still might be a scary imprint on your first child's world, but hopefully that will ease the more you seek to heal it.

http://www.beba.org/

Lots of good love to your family and your heart.

I am going to pore over that site tomorrow morning! Thank you!