Got Preliminary diagnosis today for 3 year old ds. Mild to moderate autism

[NewMom0208]

Hi,

I had my son at home, no vax, no antibiotics, holistic pediatrician, etc.

I have been concerned about speech since he was about 1 yr old. I got him evaluated they said he was too young, all kids grow at their own pace, etc.

His dad and I split when he was 8 months old. His dad has him exactly 50% of the time since age 2, including overnights

I took him again now that he is 3 for evaluation. He had about 12 words, all nouns, no sentences. The following are the areas of concern and the reason why they say he is mild to moderate autistic. waiting on definitive report in a couple of weeks.

Not the pediatrician nor his preschool ever acknowledge any of my concerns, even now my pediatrician, who I still trust, say "no labels" lest just jumpstart his maturity.

I list the areas here and I am purposefully minimizing them, because I want to hear it like it is. here I go:

Vocabulary. Well, when all this started a few weeks ago, he had 12 words, we (his father and I) started to speak only English and got him a few vocabulary educational DVDs and now he alrady doubles that and continues with more, he really wants to say words, nouns only for now.  (the dvds are baby babble and brainy baby and go-potty go) Also if the dad and I agree to work on a new word, we get him to say it consistently and on context in about 4-5 days.

Putting everything in mouth. I dont want to undermine this one, but I dont see he does it at compulsive.I think it is just a habit. In school they just ask for the "object" back, I have started to tell him. "No, you are a big boy now, we dont put things on our mouth". Also, if I say "dirty, dirty" he puts it back out. I tihnk we need to be more stern about this, it needs to be like putting the paiting on the walls, we dont do that and Ill talk to his preschool so they too are more stern about it. I think this is a discipline issue, as it is doing it less since i started "talking" to him about it. If I am wrong then nothing we try will work. I want it to stop for safety and also because they see it as a pathological factor. I believe he is realizing that is not right for him to do

Being obsessive about how things need to be.
His dad is very organized and particular about things... With me ds is "used" to not being used to anything, I am always changing stuff on him and he adapts so nicely, maybe grawls for 3 minutes, this includes taking his favorite toy away !!(unless he is tired or hungry in which case, there is no hope). But when it comes to organizing toys in a row, Even I cannot get him to accept a proposed different arrangement, he just rearrange the way he wants it and I do find it a little excessive.

I think it is healthy he knows where things go, but not if he cannot adapt to something different here and there.
Another factor is that I tend to go out of my way to avoid him from getting frustrated. well, maybe he needs some more exposure to frustration and If he piles up stuff, mommy will change it away and that should be just fine (within reason, so he can enjoy his play) just a little here and there where he doesnt get to do things his way. If I am wrong, I will not notice any improvement on dealing with changes. But right now, he is not happy about it, but "mommy is writing an email". he is fine. This is progress!!

Social Skills, he doesnt want to play but with adults, he doest like all adults

Here I am at a lost, will need to research on how to promote healthy social skills. he goes to preschool already...

That is all for now, I want a second opinion before I choose a treatment. Of course the cheapest course would be through the state. I do get 10 sessions per year with my insurance.

What do you think? Am I being too positive, how can I learn more?

Very special question: How can I learn activities to do to help with grow and mature?

[buttercup]

Putting everything in mouth - I think you are doing the right thing.  Many kids (regardless of ASD) have oral sensory issues.  Some parents look at other things they can do to satisfy that desire.  You might look into biomedical/ dietary interventions.  I am doing this with my 3 ASd children (3, 7, 8) and Zinc has helped reduce, if not eliminated their oral sensory issues.  http://www.autism.com/pdf/providers/adams_biomed_summary.pdf

Being obsessive - I again think you are doing the right thing.  Again you could look into biomedical/ dietary interventions to help reduce the obsessive behaviors.  I finished participation with a study with my 3yr old using the SCERTS model for the Early Social Interaction Project.  It was interesting because it changed my approach and interaction with my son.  Much of what we do was child led and play like, but I was able to add demands in our activities while making sure he remained self-regulated (calm and enjoyed the moment).  He actually learned more when I was teaching him things when he was self-regulated.  For instance, we would play with a toy and he would want to play his way and was very restrictive in his behavior.  I would play his way for several minutes.  Then, like you already do, I would throw in a change and see his reaction.  If he had a meltdown (where he lost it emotionally, then he was no self-regulated and I would return to his play.  If he remained calm and may have been slightly uncomfortable, then he was still regulated and I would continue with the change very slowly to ensure that he remained self-regulated.  If there was a point where I felt he would start to meltdown, I would back off the change activity or return to the original play knowing that I made a successful step.  Little steps makes all the difference in the world.

Social Skills - this will come in time based on HIS development.  What you need to do is see what the teachers are doing to encourage role modeling with his typical peers (hopefully there are typical developing peers in his class).  If not and he is at a school where there are typical kids his age, you should ask for him to send a certain number of hours a day with typical kids.  This is the one thing I felt was tremendously helpful for my children (all have high functioning autism) - peer to peer support and role modeling.  They need to learn from their peers.  The teacher and aides are vital to ensure this is successful if most of his interaction with his peers is at school. 

But remember - every child with autism or any special needs is unique and intervention must be adapted to their needs.  Autismspeaks.org, National Autism Association and Autism Society of America can provide more info on interventions and resources that exist in your area.  If you are interested in biomedical and dietary intervention to treat any underlying health issues with your child that you may or may not be aware of then autism.com is a good resource that can point you in the right direction for your research.