Hi, my DS is almost 4 years old. He's wonderful and bright and sweet and very (very very very) challenging. He's got verbal apraxia which has caused a huge speech delay (he's at about a 2 year old level right now with his speech). He's got a sensory processing disorder with significant tactile defensiveness and gets extrememly squirrely around other children. He's got asthma and multiple life threatening food allergies (as well as gluten intolerance). And he has lots of self-regulation issues - frequent tantrums and really, REALLY terrible sleep, which means I have barely slept in almost 4 years. Everyday is extremely exhausting and challenging. I am burned out and have some health issues from all the sleep deprivation and stress.
Yet, I really, DESPERATELY want another baby.
This would be crazy right?
An added problem is that I am getting up there in age and honestly, my pregnancy with DS was so hard on me, I really think I should not be pregnant past age 40.
So, if we want to have another kid, I would need to get pregnant this year.
BUT I am so exhausted and stressed. I really think that we should not have another child at all as DS takes every ounce of us. There's not even enough room for us, everything in our lives is about him right now. How could I do right by him if I brought another child into the mix. How could I do right by him/her?
YET, I feel DEVASTED when I imagine not having another baby. I always wanted at least 2. I have dreamed about another child. I have names picked out. It's like he/she already exists. And I always wanted a sibling for DS. Although, now I wonder if he would ever be able to adjust or form a bond with them since he demands 100% of our attention at all times AND even if we did have another child he would be nearly 5 by the time that child was born so, so much more of an age gap than I had ever imagined.
Oh and I should add we will be homeschooling our DS so there will not be that he goes off to school and I have more time space for a new baby thing.
Any thoughts? Advice? Words of wisdom? Experience with this?
Edited by beingmommy - 4/19/11 at 4:24pm