Somebody help us! Rethinking being SAHM

[WhiteHorse]

I am seriously doubting right now if I can do this whole SAHM thing. My DS is now 3.5 and he is 100% BORED! My plan was to homeschool, but I cannot even fathom that right now. I am also expecting another babe in a week so I am freaking out. What am I supposed to do with DS? He NEEDS 100% of my attention all the time or he becomes extremely aggressive. I have no idea what to do. My twins were never this "needy" I am guessing because they had each other to entertain. They were also in daycare part time and with my parents part time. They had lots of outlets.

They way we do our day can vary. Today it was rainy so we went to the library then out to eat, but that is not enough. He came home bouncing off the walls. He needs something to do every second. If I turn my attention to something else, even if he is involved in it, he often attacks me (usually playfully, but it does get mean at times). It is sort of his way of getting negative attention which he thinks is great fun. If I ignore it, or even try to gently re-direct, he ups it a few notches until it is absolute mayhem (objects flying through the air, hitting, kicking, whacking me with toys, knocking over the garbage can, tearing up whatever he can reach, etc) this doesn't end after a few minutes - it can go on for hours if I don't mix it up for him.

I am very anti-daycare. I wish there were some group thing I could take him to where he could get the benefit of pre-school without it costing $400 a month. I believe he would benefit from the attention of other adults and kids. siiiiiigggghhhh! There seems to be nothing like that near where I live. We can't afford even the least expensive membership/class anywhere. Anyone know of a book or course I can learn from so I know how to structure? I am at a complete loss... help!

[Adaline'sMama]

I would check you see if there are any other MDC moms in your area in the forum Finding Your Tribe.

[crunchy_mommy]

Do you have any friends with preschoolers at home or friends that are planning to homeschool? You could set up an informal co-op type thing...

Also check your local libraries, book stores, educational stores, etc. for story times & other free events. I don't know if this site covers your city but it's one I always go to (the Calendar section) for local events, many of which are free.

If you think he would benefit from more structure, I would check in the homeschooling forum for ideas with preschoolers, maybe even look into starting a preschool curriculum... but maybe he just needs more outdoor time (even if it's raining) and ways to get his energy out?

Do you have a room you could set up in your house as an active room? Take out all the furniture and breakables and put a spare mattress to jump on, soft balls/beanbags to throw, a small slide, etc.

[mamazee]

Is it possible he's especially needy right now due to the impending birth? I'd give both yourself and him a break for a little bit. Get through the birth and recovery and things will probably feel much better. Do you have any family who can take him to the park sometimes while you're with the new baby?

[WhiteHorse]

I love the idea of a super gross motor play room but it's not possible. We are crowded in a small older house with no storage space nor even closets. We have no basement. Our yard is tiny - I mean it is less than 8 ft wide - too small to put a kids climber thing. He spends 2-3 hours every day outside when the weather is ok. But he does not really run and jump and climb in our yard. We have a sand box, that is all that will fit. We don't have a driveway either to ride on his toys. We are trying to find a larger place with a larger yard, but after months we have found nothing better that we can afford. The closest park is about 10 minutes away and it's great but I can't go every day because gas is so expensive. We used to have a membership to a children's museum but I couldn't afford to renew it plus it is a good 45 minute drive and the gas thing again. We moved to this area a few years ago and I have had a terrible time finding friends or anyone close enough who does not work every day. Family all live a good distance, or they have dogs which DS is allergic to. We have done some story times but this is not enough - 30 minute diversion once per week is not enough, I need some kind of routine that really gets his interest structured and with other kids involved for several hours per day. My son is just blossoming right now and his needs are intense.

I was giving my DS a trial off Singulair because I thought perhaps the side effects were the cause of his aggression. He is doing better play-wise, but his tremendous neediness is just him. He cannot function without me around - I cannot leave him in Sunday school, or with anyone other than my MIL or DH. He goes into a state and his asthma kicks in. His health is not great, which is why we have sheltered him a bit - he is always getting sick. Sorry this sounds like excuses, I am just really frustrated and feel trapped by everything. Now I know why some parents just sit their kids in front of the tv for hours. I almost wish I could do that, but I know what he needs is to learn to play and just be content without me around.

[crunchy_mommy]

I know, my DS is much the same, though fortunately doesn't seem to have pent-up excess energy or anything (though we do go out a ton so maybe that is helping! High gas prices or not, getting out of the house is the one thing I am not willing to sacrifice!) I agree with mamazee too that the impending birth might be exacerbating his existing difficulties...

What about giving him some ideas for active play inside the house? Jumping on (and jumping off!) the bed or couch, animal exercises, dancing to music, making forts with spare sheets & couch cushions, make an obstacle course throughout the house, etc.

Will your MIL (or other family) be helping after the birth?

Maybe you could make some homemade toys, instruments, etc. from things in your recycling bin. You could help him make the toys together and then he can go off & play with them alone for a bit.... DS always seems more willing to play alone for short periods if he has something new to play with! He also plays better when there is music on, so that might be something else to try.

[WhiteHorse]

See these are the kind of ideas I need. Thanks! I was super career woman 3 years ago and I am really just not a little kid person. I am great with babies but when they start forming their own opinions about things, and need creative fun energetic upbeat activities, I am stumped. DS loves helping dad in the yard and garage. He loves helping me with chores (sometimes) but I haven't got a clue how to engage him in kid activities for this age range - the rougher, wilder, faster and more destructive it is, the better (in his eyes) and it drives me up the wall. I know it's sad. We are great at book reading, drawing, crafts, etc. but when it comes to gross motor, it's just not my thing, ykwim? DH doesn't do any of that either. Right now, they are at lowe's thank goodness, and giving me a quick break.

[Marissamom]

for the yard, what bout a mini trampoline? and balls to kick around? 

more directed gross motor skills, Simon says, follow the leader.

going for a walk around the neighborhood, great for talking about birds and trees, you can also encourage skipping, jumping, and walking backwards next to you. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Your DS might be getting too big for you to easily do some of this (especially while pregnant!) but I spend a lot of time flipping DS upside down, doing 'rocket ships' (made-up game similar to 'airplane' but... more like a rocket ship lol, hard to describe), rolling around on the floor or the bed, crawling around like various animals, chasing him, singing (i.e. Five LIttle Monkeys) while he jumps on the couch, etc. Occasionally we do the "Sing, Stretch, & Shape Up" animal video on youtube (which is the only "TV" he ever sees)... We found a free kids' yoga class that's a little further than I would normally drive but we try to make it up there a couple times a month and we get lots of ideas for replicating 'yoga class' at home. We play hide & seek (in the house or in the yard)... We march around with instruments while singing or listening to a CD. We go for lots of walks (admittedly, DS does not actually WALK much during the walks lol, but that's a whole 'nother story!)... We also do 'tasks' which is basically me or DH sitting on the couch & giving DS things to do ("Go touch the door... now go crawl under the table... spin around 3 times... climb onto the couch..." etc.) I help him 'climb up the wall' from a laying-down position or do wheelbarrows around the house... Wow I didn't even realize how much physical play we incorporate into our day!! I will post more ideas if I remember any!!

OH and since your DS likes destruction... maybe he would like tearing paper, cutting things up with scissors, disassembling old/broken electronics and appliances, learning to fix/build things (with real tools), pouring dry beans or pasta (makes a mess but you can try to contain it to one area that is easy to sweep/vacuum)... Maybe even something like a punching bag or learning basic martial arts would be fun for him?

[D_McG]

I would find a preschool and have his behavior evaluated if you feel like you have exhausted your options, discipline wise. My son and I definitely outgrew the ability to spend all our time together. Preschool was a must!

I just read one of your responses more closely. You can't even leave him with your DH? I would definitely talk to the pediatrician about your options. Does he have other delays?