Stressed about MIL

[MommyofNRM]

So, I have the MIL from hell- More or less. She was controlling with her own kids and my husband is her youngest and she's dying to continue her reign. She does live hours away (THANK GOD) but when she visits or when we have to visit her, I struggle to maintain my authority over our 14 month old son. She thinks everything I do is wrong and that I do nothing but waste her son's money. She insists on trying to take over! I have said I don't want him to have soda and she gives it to him anyway (diet too! with all those artificial sweeteners) and gives him french fries and the like. She shows zero respect to my wishes and ignores the fact that this is my home and my son and I have every right to run it my way. We're going to her house for a wedding soon and I'm stressing BIG time. Any advice on how to handle the situation? I feel like I can't let him out of my sight because God knows what she'll do behind my back. Thanks in advance ladies! 

[minnowmomma]

I wouldn't pull any punches with her,tell her just what you wrote here,that he is your son and you will raise him your way and if she doesn't like it maybe she would like to see him a whole lot less.

[MommyofNRM]

I guess straightforward is usually best. thanks for the advice! 

[megannt]

Is there any way that you could get your husband to talk to her? With my in-laws, I find that the best thing is to create a united front. Make sure the your husband is behind you 100 percent.  I would also be careful to pick your battles. Maybe choose a couple things that really matter to you and let the rest go, as hard as it may be. For me, food is a really big deal, but at times I will let TV watching not be as a big deal to me, because while they are both important, the food is much more important.

I would also suggest being firm, yet polite. This is a very hard thing to do, I always struggle with it. But, i find that if I keep my cool and keep calm, I can still be firm with my parenting choices, but not find myself in a heated argument. Try and not be defensive, even though she might be looking for a fight. Try not to give her one and really try to be the bigger person. This is much easier said than done, which I know from experience, but it does help. Remember, you can not control anything your MIL does, but only your own attitude and responses. It takes a lot of self control, but you have to set the tone.

Also, I would avoid talking about parenting at all costs. Try and change the subject as much as possible to lighter subjects. If she asks questions or gives you a hard time, quickly change the subject. 

Since you are visiting her, could you stay at a hotel to help ease the tension?

Hope it goes by quick, I know how frustrating in-laws can be. I guess ultimately you can take comfort with the idea that she lives far away! :)