TTC.. stressful.. ideas to keep the madness to a minimum??

[Cananny]

Im sure most of you can relate.. Dp and I got into a small tiff tonight.. we never fight, but since TTC it seems we are more emotional, more tense and cranky more often....

Im not the once carrying so Im trying to be supportive .. Ive been making breakfasts and lunches for DP to take to work.. been cooking healthy dinners .. encouraging her to not smoke ( shes down to less than one every few days) 

It takes a toll on couples .. My ? is how do you keep the TTC madness from taking over your lives? what are some ways to cope together? 

Thanks for any input~

[escher]

Hi Cananny,

TTC is hard! I think different things work for different people, and I'm not at all convinced that what worked for us would work for anyone else, but here are some of the things that helped reduce stress for me and my wife:

1. Thinking of it as a long-term process. Although of course each cycle we hoped that it would work, it helped us to imagine that it might not and to plan for that. For us that meant discussing what we would try next, how long we would try with a given donor, when we would take a cycle off, when we would move to more interventions, when we would move to adoption, etc.

2. Trying new things each cycle--adding a vitamin or yoga or visualization or whatever, or cutting something from our diet. I know this could become a stressful effort to control things, but somehow for us it was nice to feel like we were doing something new that might help. Related to this, we spent a lot of time analyzing our timing and messing with exactly how we timed the insems.

3. Accepting that it was really hard, and treating ourselves gently. That sometimes meant not spending much time with pregnant people. It sometimes meant getting a treat and going to a movie. It sometimes meant recognizing that the stress of TTC impacted all aspects of our life and just not expecting too much from ourselves.

Good luck figuring out what works for you!

[osker]

I agree with Escher, especially the part about thinking of it as a long-term process. We knew that we wanted four kids, so we will be in some way ttc for a long time! We told ourselves that it was like an oil change. You keep going to get an oil change because it's good for the life of the car. You can't really notice a huge difference each time, but you know that it needs to be done. We know that, for the life of our family, we need to continue getting oil changes.  Right now we may be on a break from the oil changes, but soon, we hope, we'll be back to the regular oil changes again...  Just think about it this way.. if you could take your car in for an oil change every month, and then one month just doing that got you pregnant!!, wouldn't you go every month?

We also travelled.. a LOT.. especially during the third year of ttc. Even small trips just the two of us for a relaxed weekend were helpful.  And, some months, we took a break, didn't "get an oil change".. and that was okay.. sometimes we just needed a break.  

Now, with E here, looking back on those three years it doesn't feel like anything major at all.. Forgetable really.

[prettyisa]

Osker--I can't tell you how much hope your last two words are giving me right now.

[alphahen]

Cananny,

I think so many of us can empathize.  For what it is worth, here is my take: 

1. Take care of yourselves:  I know there is a tendency to dote on the mom who will be conceiving/carrying but, let's face it, it is stressful for both.  So be sure that you are both doing good things for yourselves.  DW and I both recently started acupuncture and are finding it to be healing for us in more ways than just increasing fertility.

2. Distract:  The travel is a great idea. But when time or finances don't allow for that, it can be done on a smaller scale.  We recently spent most of a Sunday on an "urban adventure"  taking a very long walk to get brunch and explore spots in the city we both love but hadn't visited in a long time. 

3. Find comfort in the mundane:  Sometimes throwing yourself into your day-to-day can be the best distraction of all.  I have often been accused of thinking to much so work, family events, dinner with friends can be welcome distractions to help me keep from obsessing over things.

I hope that helps! 

[CrystalPerez]

cananny thank you for asking this question!!!! Helps to know we arent the only one that TTC takes a tole on.

[Cananny]

Thanks for all the advice...

We did insem last night and today as well.. In hopes to catch the egg :) tonight we treated ourselves to dinner and watched movies.. trying to keep things light hearted....

question ...

DP is a bit grossed out by the sperm.. she  HATES it. I would carry  , but I have severe PCOS and do not ovulate.. so she has offered to carry..... she really wants a baby, WE want a baby its something we are def on board to TTC.. but this month was very hard on her..and she was pretty upset.. at the idea of semen ...her emotions are a mess... hormones are working over time for sure... :) I am trying to be as supportive as i know how.  She thinks maybe doing IUI would be better as she really would not have to deal much with the semen. Does this make sense to any one..I get it.. I do... but for me I am much more laid back and think of it as a process. and it is what it is.. She is a planner and wants to know when, how, where, why.. things will happen...

Tonight she was much happier and we are braving the TWW.. .. TTC is a tough journey and I feel pretty lucky to have such a great support group here...

[alphahen]

I think it absolutely makes sense.  I went through 6 rounds of IUI in the doctor's office.  The biggest positive of that approach is that you don't have to deal with the "junk" as we like to call it.  The closest I ever have to get to it is to read the number on the vial so that I can initial verifying it is the right specimen.  The downside  to this approach, however, is that it isn't quite as personal as it could be.  Though DW was there, the office is kind of sterile. hope that helps!

[Cananny]

Thank you , at least we know she is not alone in this.. we are strong and will work though it together!!!!!
 

Originally Posted by alphahen 

I think it absolutely makes sense.  I went through 6 rounds of IUI in the doctor's office.  The biggest positive of that approach is that you don't have to deal with the "junk" as we like to call it.  The closest I ever have to get to it is to read the number on the vial so that I can initial verifying it is the right specimen.  The downside  to this approach, however, is that it isn't quite as personal as it could be.  Though DW was there, the office is kind of sterile. hope that helps!

[MidwifeStephPDX]

Yeah, I have to agree with her on the grossness factor. I think the semen is really disgusting! It smells bad, is sticky, etc. Lucky for us, our good friends were TTC for a few months before we started trying, also using a KD, and they told us that the partner who was being inseminated freaked out about the sperm at the first insem and actually refused to have it put in her! She finally consented to it, but it planted the thought in my head that this was something to be aware of. In the Stephanie Brill book she writes about welcoming the sperm (and the baby) into your body, so I did some work on that and felt fine about it after the first time.

I do IUIs for other people (it's part of our midwifery practice), and while it appeals to me in some ways, I just don't want to bring the speculum and catheters and all the rest of it into the equation just yet...

PS, thanks for posting this! We're working through the stress of this process and trying to remain solid. We're also trying to focus on something I tell my pregnant clients all the time, which I'm sure any of the mamas on here could agree with. When moms are close to their due dates and struggling with being patient, I suggest they make a list of all the things they won't be able to do for a while (or that will be challenging to do) with a new baby. Then, they try and reframe the wait as a the time to enjoy those things. We are trying to do the same; instead of waiting for the next part of our lives to begin (which is where my head goes) we're going out later at night, going out to hear bands, being spontaneous, and just trying to remember that in the scheme of things, this will be a short period of our lives.

(Just so you know, I also spend time whining "Where's my BFP?" Nobody's perfect, right?)

[Cananny]

THANK YOU 

again thank you for all your words of encouragment.. DP felt better that shes not the ONLY one  grossed out by the junk! 

half way through our TWW.......

[Coco99]

We played guitar hero LOL

[Cananny]

i have zero cordination to play that game.. though give me super mario or tetris :) LOL
 

Originally Posted by Coco99 

We played guitar hero LOL