Need some perspective--sorry, very long...

[poorlittlefish]

I am feeling really stressed about something.  I am going to just type it out to you, lay it all out and hope for some feedback.

Right now, DH makes about 60% of our family income and I make 40%.  That is rough, but pretty accurate.  We have 2 DD’s—10mos and 3YO.   At his old job, it was not challenging and it was a dead end spot for him. He needed to move to another company or he risked being pigeon holed forever.  She, he took a new challenging job with lots of potential.  It takes about 30 mins longer for him to get home so I get the girls from daycare now and he drops off.  It is stressful because it is new and he is getting home at 5:50 each night which makes for not much time with the girls for him.  The plan was after he started this job, for me to stay home with the girls starting next spring (sooner if the job is too overwhelming—if I was home, he could work 7-4 and be home earlier but with drop off and pick up, that isnt possible right now).  Right now, I work full time with an hour commute each way.  Our life is crazy and not much fun.  I feel like it is just too chaotic for our girls and something has got to give.  So, our play was for me to stay home starting next summer (2012).

I have a lot of stress about that, worrying about being a stay at home mom—will I like it, will I be good at it etc.  I know in my heart that I would be good at it and even if I didn’t love every minute of it, I would feel really good about it.  I would feel less guilty about time spent with them, etc.  I also worry about the money. Right now, we are good.  We don’t really stress about money but if I stayed home it would be tight.  Do-able, but tight with not many extras.

So, now I get a call out of the blue about a work at home job with a huge salary bump for me (practically double, believe it or not).  There would be travel though and that would be REALLY hard on DH with 2 young girls.  He would need to leave work early to pick up because we don’t have any other people in town that can help.  But I feel like, if I travel just a couple of days per month and not much of that is overnight then it might be worth the inconvenience of those days to make the rest smoother.  I mean, if I worked form home, I could drop off and pick up.  Sick kids wouldn’t be a huge issue and I could get stuff done around the hour during my lunch hour so I wouldn’t need to during the weekend. It would take adjustment to work from home but it could be really good.  Or, we could just stick to the plan and have me stay home next spring.  That would be nice because it would keep things as they are for a while and then we would just stick to the plan. 

I don’t have this job or anything but I am really weighing out the pros and cons because in order to interview, I would need to go to Chicago (on my own dime) and take a day off.  The big boss is coming over from Europe to the Chicago office and that is why I would need to go there.  So, I want to be sure that I would take the job if I spend the money to fly there and take the day off.

I just don’t know………I worry that I should stay home but am letting this job dazzle me with the pay raise and that part of me is worried that I won’t like staying home and that is why I am thinking about this job so much. I also worry about living with so much less income.  Does anyone have any experience or thoughts on this that can help me work through this?

Thanks in advance.  

[justKate]

I hear ya.

I'm in the same boat, up to the part about the awesome job possibility. I'm scared about learning to spend less, and learning to (quickly) clean my own house.

I guess you really need to weigh the financial side of it.  Will the kids still need daycare, or at least a PT nanny?  What new expenses will you have if you do take the job?  Would the travel be regular enough that you and DH could plan it weeks in advance?  --that might make it easier for him to plan to leave early those days.

It's a really tough choice.  What are you leaning towards at this point?

[poorlittlefish]

Nice to know that I am not the only one in this boat.

The kids would still go to daycare full time, which, is what circles me back.  I feel like we were trying to spend more time with them and get them out of a fulltime daycare situation.  So, my heart tells me that I shoudl continue on the path to staying home.  That it is the right thing for my family, at least while the girls are young.

The travel would be very predictable, I would set it for the most part.  There are lots of great things about this job, that is why it is so hard to decide!

What are you leaning towards?

[justKate]

I'm leaning towards staying home, although it changes day to day.  DH would like me to get a "big" job, work it for a few years, and then be done working for good (unless I want to).

I really want to spend more time with DD--she's 26 mos. now and has been in FT care since she was 4 months old.  My plan, at this point, is to SAH full time beginning this June, and spend a year trying to find a way to work very part-time from home or very close to home.  Ideally, this would make it possible for us to afford my student loans and some fun activities/trips, but leave lots of time for me and DD and maybe another LO one of these days....  I think I could do it, I'm just afraid.  And that's not a good excuse, right?

[~pi]

You have a lot of time before summer 2012. I would give the new job a try and see what you think.

The only thing that would give me pause is that the interview is on your own dime. In my experience, if they want you, they pay for the interview costs.

Good luck to you whatever you decide!

[poorlittlefish]

Well, after all the stress, they aren't interested in me anymore.  They were concerned that the travel might be more than what I am looking for.  So, all that worry for nuthin!