probably more of a vent

[Peony]

My 8y has been really trying to pull an attitude with us lately. I don't tolerate it. Screaming at us, stomping around, slamming doors, name calling, doesn't fly with me. I was sitting here booking her last week of gymnastics camp this summer, and I told her what I was doing and asked her to get my wallet out of the car to pay for it. FYI, I am pg, and having major hip issues, just getting up *is* a big deal. She decided to scream at me, stomp away, and slam the door going out. 

Ok there missy. I exited out of the camp website and informed when she came back that I was no longer booking it today, she could wait until another day. Now I am sitting here listening to her scream in her room when we were supposed to be going to a clay studio this afternoon but I'm not taking her anywhere with the way she is acting. And course my 4y isn't thrilled that we are just sitting here instead. 

Why oh why does discipline feel like half the time I am getting punished? 

[Marsupialmom]

Take a deep breath, IT IS HORMONES.  Your daughter is gearing up for puberty and she will do this in phases.  Slowly she might get to a some what predictable pattern.  Then you add the fact her mom is having a baby..................so mama  (((((HUGS)))))  

Do not use the summer camp against her.  It will back fire unless you are willing to give up that much money. 

[velochic]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom 

Take a deep breath, IT IS HORMONES.  Your daughter is gearing up for puberty and she will do this in phases.  Slowly she might get to a some what predictable pattern.  Then you add the fact her mom is having a baby..................so mama  (((((HUGS)))))  

Do not use the summer camp against her.  It will back fire unless you are willing to give up that much money. 

Seriously?  Hormones... at 8 years of age?  Even if it were hormones, I don't think that it justifies this kind of behavior.  Nothing justifies name calling.  Ever.  I'd be more inclined to think that having a sibling on the way and being asked to take on more responsibility is difficult to navigate and she's not sure how to positively express her frustration, fears, etc.  Not to mention, OP, that you are in poor health due to the pregnancy.  What does your dd say when you talk to her at less stressful times?  I think the key is to get to the root of the feelings.  Talk, talk, talk.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom 

Take a deep breath, IT IS HORMONES.  Your daughter is gearing up for puberty and she will do this in phases.  Slowly she might get to a some what predictable pattern.  Then you add the fact her mom is having a baby..................so mama  (((((HUGS)))))  

Do not use the summer camp against her.  It will back fire unless you are willing to give up that much money. 

Originally Posted by velochic 

Seriously?  Hormones... at 8 years of age?  Even if it were hormones, I don't think that it justifies this kind of behavior.  Nothing justifies name calling.  Ever.  I'd be more inclined to think that having a sibling on the way and being asked to take on more responsibility is difficult to navigate and she's not sure how to positively express her frustration, fears, etc.  Not to mention, OP, that you are in poor health due to the pregnancy.  What does your dd say when you talk to her at less stressful times?  I think the key is to get to the root of the feelings.  Talk, talk, talk.

I do think that hormones can affect kids even at 8, especially if puberty is starting.  It is hard for kids to deal with the ups and downs that come with hormonal changes during puberty and they can affect how moody a child is or how they react to irritating or sad things, but I don't think they cause the mood by themselves.  I really think that just calling it hormones and accepting behavior bad behavior is a very damaging thing to the parenting relationship because you stop making as much of an effort when you blame only the hormones.  I agree with Velochic on this one (for the most part).  It sounds like there is a lot going on and she is reacting to that.  If my dd just snaps like that when I ask her to help with something she is excited to be able to do I usually take that as a big sign that we need to have one on one time and a nice talk to figure out what is going on.  My dd loves to talk on walks so we usually walk to the coffee shop for a treat and reconnect.  If there is something your dd likes to do at home then I suggest finding a way to do it with just her if going out of the home to reconnect is out of the question due to your pregnancy.

[Peony]

I have no plans on taking the camp away, that is never what I said, just that I wasn't booking it that very same day that she threw a hissy fit. And threw my wallet at me when she did decide to go get it.  It is rare that I get to be alone with just her, it just usually her and toddler DS if DD2 is off somewhere. Before this happened I had hoped for us to get away early this morning before I had to take her to her gymnastic meet. Dh ended up taking her out for breakfast before I got up so that didn't happen, by the time they got back, she had to leave right away again. I did take her alone to the meet which never happens, and we got a little bit of time on the drive and then again later when DD2 was at a swim lesson. We did decide to go out for pedicure next weekend (her pick, though I have to say I am happy not to have to attempt to cut my toenails this week!). 

If it had been a random snapping then we would of talked more then but she has been pulling stunts like this for a while, while not quite this bad, the name calling and screaming certainly isn't new. 

[mom2grrls]

8 was a rough age for both of my daughters.  Sounds like she may need some one on one time though too.  I really believe kids act out the most when their "cup is empty" so to say.

And discipline does not have to equal punishment, although I can understand not wanting to leave the house when a child is not doing well at home.  I can understand her upset a bit though as you asked her to get the wallet then you decided not to pay.  I can see my daughter getting upset about that too, whether I felt it was warranted or not.

[Marsupialmom]

For my girls the later 8 is when hormones hit.  This does not mean excuse the behavior but one thing to help understand it.  It is just another thing in the equation of their life that needs to be respected.