Tandem, nb and 2 1/2 yo help!!!

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

I have been breastfeeding a nursling for the past 6 1/2 years, my 6 yo weaned a week
before his 6th b-day and I tandemed nursed for 1 1/2 of those years. Any ways right now i find myself nursing my 1 week old nb and 2 1/2 year old. I'm not sure how to handle how demanding my 2 yo is being! I know there is an adjustment period, but when he nurses i feel like i wanna climb out of my skin, he also does not understand that the baby nurses first. I'm really resenting nursing my toddler. I don't want to feel this way, but I have no patience for his demanding behavior! He will cry and be loud and sometimes try to hit the baby! Any suggestions? I have talked to him about sharing nana's and how he can eat food and the baby can only eat nana..etc. I've nursed him when he asks but sometimes I'm nursing the baby and he has to wait, this is when he blows up, any ideas on how to make this transition smoother? I just want to be able to nurture both children and I'm having difficulty finding a happy medium.

[Marissamom]

I'm tandeming my 4 week old and my 23 month old. what really helped get through the first couple of weeks was assigning each one side. DD only nurses from "her" side. DS only nursed from his side until DD stopped nursing as often. that way I knew that DS was getting enough milk, even with DD nursing twice as often as he did. DD sleeps through the night, so DS nurses from her side for at least one night feeding, and now that DD doesn't nurse as much DS sometimes nurses from her side if it's feeling fuller. DD was usually okay with waiting until DS is done nursing, but has a really hard time if he's nursing right when she wakes up (the nursing session she's most attached to, other than right before sleep,which can be adjusted to not fall when he's nursing). 

and hang in there, it got a lot easier by two weeks because my toddler got used to there being milk again and seeing her brother nurse, and at 4 weeks we're down to 3-5 toddler nursing sessions a day, which was where we were before the baby was born. 

[dejagerw]

With my two, I they each have a side as well. I didn't do this on purpose, but it's really just how things worked out. However, that being said, the baby will sometimes have DS1's "side" from time to time depending on when last I nursed. Also DS1 sometimes has both sides as well. I'm not too concerned about the milk because DS2 is really growing great, so I figure there's plenty to go around, and do not worry about DS2 drinking first or whether or not he's getting enough.

I've also found emphasizing with DS1 (he's 2.5), how the baby can't eat food like he can, so we have to be sure he gets plenty of milk. I talk about what all the yummy things DS1 can eat, but how the baby is too little to eat that yummy food.

[ellisianda]

For us, the best solution has been to nurse both kids simultaneously.  DD1 was 2.5 when DD2 was born 7 months ago and she wanted to nurse every time the baby did, but she just didn't have the patience to wait until the baby was done.  Nursing them together saves me time (although DD1 still insists on nursing twice as often as my infant) and keeps DD1 much calmer.  She cuddles and plays with the baby while they nurse together, so she's quiet and content.  The only annoying issue we have with simultaneous feeds is that DD1 will insist on switching sides several times per session and it's a pain to get them both repositioned.

[baturay]

I'll sound like an echo, but what worked for previous posters worked for us too. :) I nursed them both at the same time (still do and they are 2 and 4) and each one has a side. 

[Comtessa]

I know this thread is a little old, but I wanted to chime in with a "thank you" to those who already responded -- I came on today looking for some reassurance and found it here!  I could have written the OP's post -- I am also tandeming a 1-week-old nb and a 2-year-old who has become an obsessive nurser since the baby arrived.  It's making me absolutely crazy! 

Assigning one side to each kid might work for us -- DD1 actually decided before the baby was born that each of them would have a side (she called "dibs" on the breast with more milk, of course), but now she's demanding whichever breast the baby is nursing from.  Every time the baby nurses she cries and yells "NO baby milka!"  I'm not sure how to handle it! 

The middle of the night and early-morning nursing sessions seem to be the most problematic for us, since she seems to always wake at the same time as the baby.  She was nightweaned for months before the baby arrived, but since he was born I've started nursing her at night now, just to get her back to sleep.  If he's nursing when she wakes, though, I make her wait (she prefers to nurse to sleep side-lying, and I haven't got a clue how to manage that while also nursing a nb).  It usually prompts a major tantrum if I ask her to wait to nurse. 

DH is at the end of his rope - he says we should wean her altogether - but I feel like it's one of her few reliable comforts right now, as she adjusts to this new life with a sibling, and it's not fair to take it away right now.  Plus, it's clear that she needs the comfort, since she's asking to nurse Every. Single. Minute. (or at least it seems that way at the moment!) 

It's good to hear that others have had the same experience and that it goes away with time.  Just... um... how MUCH time should I expect??  And any advice for avoiding meltdowns if I go back to trying to nightwean? 

[dejagerw]

DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is now 3.5 months. Things have gotten much better. (I can't remember when things first started to improve, all I know is it's much better now than it was at first). DS1 just broke through his 2 year molars, so I think that was also contributing to his night wakings. But now he's sleeping much better.

What I do is cosleep with both of them. DS1 starts off in his own bed at the foot of ours, but moves into our bed in the middle of the night. I'm always turned to face DS2 because I don't feel comfortable with my back toward him. If DS1 wakes to nurse, I'm still turned toward DS2. DS1 sort of crouches over me and latches onto the top boob. This way it's possible for DS1 and 2 to both nurse in bed at the same time without me getting up.

I have no advice about nightweaning. DS1 was nightweaned (I did it during pregnancy). He nightweaned rather easily during pregnancy, but he went right back to it after the baby came. There was no way I could deny him. The screaming if I tried was unbearable, plus it then woke up DS2.

With daytime nursing, DS1 would only get jealous if I wouldn't let him nurse too. So if I had DS2 latched on, I'd just get out the other one and he'd quickly calm down and nurse.

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

It's slowly getting better, plus we've had a stomach flu going through the house and the 2 yo had it...so he had one side and the baby had the other...only thing is my 2yo's side was getting so full...he wasnt nursing as much because he was sick. So i ended up needing to pump to keep up. Any ways i really think the one sided nursing has helped though.

I have alot of milk, which i think is causing the baby to have colic. Hopefully the one sided nursing will help with that too.

[Caterina]

I also wanted to thank OP for bringing this up. I'm nursing my 2.5 yo as well as my 6 week old, and the early morning nursing session is the one that I'm finding really hard to handle. My nb sleeps so well at night (thank you universe after DD's sleep patterns!) but is hun-gry in the morning when she wakes up and of course, DD1 wakes at the same time and wants to nurse too. I've been nursing them at the same time lying on my back with pillows beneath each of my arms. My boobs are pretty big though   But DD2 has been having green poo and I'm trying to figure out her foremilk/hindmilk issues at the same time as meeting DD1's needs (and my own! ha ha)

I'm hoping it'll get easier. I'm going to try more of these ideas. I only know 1 person IRL who tandem nursed and she's super busy right now so I don't want to bug her.

Thanks!