Birthday Party ???

[sarahtodd]

Hi Moms!

I'm new here today.  I hope someone can give me some advice on my son.  He will be 6 next month and he has not asked for a  birthday party with other kids up until now.  This time he wants a party with kids and I am absolutely petrified.  My son does not play well with children in groups - can be very tense, rigid, and oppositional - and I do not have any close friends or family in town because about the time he was born my closest friends moved.  Since his birth I have not had the energy, time, or confidence to forge good friendships with other moms.  I have tended to isolate a bit because of my son's odd behavior and because of how stressful it is to take him anywhere. Getting together with other moms with kids doesn't go well because I end up stressed or embarrased so it has not been worth the effort. If we had family in town there would be no problem, but we don't.  Help!!  I hope soemone has been through something like this before and can give me some advice or at least identify with how hard this is.

Thank you!

[askew]

I can see how this would be stressful. Does your son have a few friends from school that he would choose over others? Maybe instead of having a party and inviting a whole lot of kids from his class, you can have him pic two or three and do something super extra fun? My sister was not good with large crowds, so my mom always had her birthday be something special and expensive for just a couple of people. They did the American Girl store and tea and an amusement park. Stuff like that.  

[chiefmir]

that's a hard one!  have you asked your son more specifically what he has in mind?  Ask him who he was thinking of inviting and what he wanted to do... maybe his answers would make this easier for you... as in "I want to invite the two boys who play with me at recess and go to a ball game" or "Can I invite the whole class over for pizza and make-your-own ice cream sundaes?"

Either way, I think the key is to set the stage for a small party-- either by design because you want to do something super awesome with two additional kids and your DS- or because he doesn't have many close friends and there may not be as many "yes" RSVPs as you'd hope.  I'd plan something short, structured, and very fun... that way your DS won't have to just "hang out" with other kids for hours AND maybe a few kids who would otherwise be on the fence will be inspired to come to the party.

Does DS have any hobbies?  Are there any cool places near by you could take them?  What is your budget? In your position, I'd either do a very small theme and activity oriented party (like Legos or something that kids would love and would keep them busy for a little while and would lend themselves easily to a good take-home goody bag sort of thing) or a small out-of-the-house activity that would pretty much keep the kids busy the whole time (I was thinking of taking 3 kids out to a movie or to something like chuck e. cheese... there is an indoor waterpark near us that would fit the bill).

Don't know if that helps-- but I do know that around 5 or 6 yrs old, my friends' kids seem to have often shifted to that sort of small/activity oriented party (DD's BFF who is a boy recently had a party with 2 other boys and went to a ball game) so hopefully it would make your DS happy.

good luck!